LoveandSuch Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I have always been reserved when it comes to the initial phases of dating and relationships, always believing it should be the man initiating the intial contact. I have seen several threads somewhat related to this. I am beginning to think maybe I should be more risk taking. My question is there is a new guy that I have seen around at work. Have not seen him for awhile, but recently have crossed paths with him. He has shown many signs of interest. The other day when we passed, as we were saying a passing hi, it was strange in that we both seemed.........extremely hard to explain, but it was more than just a passing hi. The problem is that when I looked him up on Facebook, there was a pic of him with what seemed like his family. Another problem is his profile failed to mention he was married. That may very well be a red flag also, not mentioning marriage, if you are. Would a separated man put a pic of him with his family, and another (unlikely) circumstance is maybe it is his sister and her children...ha ha, yes unlikely I am sure, but you never know. My question is would it be too forward to write him and ask if he is married? I do not know if I would use my actual real profile, because of the possibility of being embarrased.
carhill Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Since normal protocol is for a man to show interest by asking a woman on a date, your asking him about his family would seem benign and friendly talk. You could ask him directly (in person, not on FB) if he's married or express interest in his family since he's new at work. This would be especially easy if your work often has activities for employees and their families. I think there's some traction to TBF's assertion that alpha males, meaning assertive, go-getter personalities, prefer to pursue women romantically rather than have women seeking them. If that is the man you prefer, then active seeking may work against you. No harm in a few innocent questions, IMO.
Author LoveandSuch Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Since normal protocol is for a man to show interest by asking a woman on a date, your asking him about his family would seem benign and friendly talk. You could ask him directly (in person, not on FB) if he's married or express interest in his family since he's new at work. This would be especially easy if your work often has activities for employees and their families. I think there's some traction to TBF's assertion that alpha males, meaning assertive, go-getter personalities, prefer to pursue women romantically rather than have women seeking them. If that is the man you prefer, then active seeking may work against you. No harm in a few innocent questions, IMO. It would be difficult to end up in a situation to ask that question in a way that it would seem to be just a welcoming friendly manner. Now I have seen women, loud type women, be obnoxious around men and ask those type questions in over flirtacious out of line type manners. I would not be comfortable playing around like this, unless, I really knew him, and had a more in depth friendship. He is not an obnoxious flirt, womanizer style, and in passing it is not the usual hi, in which both parties quickly think of other issues of the day after greetings are exchanged, it is like we are happy to have passed one another and to be able to communicate this greeting.
Author LoveandSuch Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 I also think I am attracted to the fact that while he is friendly, there seems to be so much going on in his mind. This intuition is what is attracting me to him, that he has deep thoughts, a complicated mind.
carhill Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Another option is to talk about yourself a bit when you sense a mutual interest. Example: At the store I place a bottle of wine on the belt. I ask the clerk if she's ever tried it. I mention that I got hooked on a recent wine tasting trip over at the coast and then ask if she's ever been to xxx winery, bla, bla. Invariably, within a minute, if she happens to enjoy wine tasting (in this example), I'll know if she is married or has a boyfriend. I do stuff like this all the time with people. I'm friendly and curious and have a wide range of interests and am well-traveled so can share a lot of experiences as well as show interest in other's passions/pursuits. People just naturally mention their partners in the course of a conversation.
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