SOS - Think I might be losing her :/ (Part 2)

[ksmit]

See original thread

New thread for new big problem

 

If I needed you guys more than ever, it's right now. I feel absolutely horrible and sick to my stomach right now.

 

Just a recap, I've been out with this girl a few times over the past 2 months and have not made a move yet. She's a coworker and we talk almost every day of the week. Very sweet girl. Email is our prime communication because it's discrete, work appropriate, and easy to flirt with. They are usually in-depth and friendly too. She seems to respond well to flirty messages.

 

We had a few great emails today like we always do, but she didn't respond to my last one and left work without even saying goodbye (and I'm 99% sure she read it). When I went to her desk to see her, she was already gone. I have to admit I'm an idiot for not stopping by earlier when I knew for certain she was there, but this is still surprising behavior coming from her. *face palm*

 

Just yesterday she invited me to a nice walk to her car and she seemed enthusiastic and happy to be around me. I could tell by the way she was looking at me she was interested. Looked like she really tried to look her best too.

 

Going back to today, once I discovered she was gone I sent her a text just saying to have a good weekend, and she said you too with a smiley face. Is she just frustrated that I haven't made a move yet or is she testing me to see if I'll go after her? She hurt because I didn't visit her today? Or am I asking all the wrong questions?

 

Potential moves?

 

- Call her and simply express my feelings for her. No more guessing what each other are thinking.

- Ask her if I did something to upset her.

- Playfully say something like "you left me with no goodbye?"

- See if she wants to go out over the weekend.

- Send her flowers?

 

I want to act now so please, please help if you can. I don't want to lose this girl.

[thatone]

read my reply to the other thread but to recap...

 

a) NEVER let a girl out of your sight for a weekend without asking her out

b) saying "have a nice weekend" suggests that you're not going to be involved in it, bad choice of words

c) you should've asked her out well before friday, see point A...

 

call her and tell her you're sorry for not asking her out again, you had "some things on your mind" or some similar BS, then offer to get together with her tomorrow or sunday.

 

if this is two months this is awful slow. she is probably thinking the same thing i am, and getting tired of waiting. turn up the physicality a notch if you get another date with her. hold hands, walk with your hand on her back, kiss more. tell her how attracted you are to her at the end of said date. don't leave any room for questions or doubts on her part.

Edited August 26, 2011 by thatone

[Cracker Jack]

Either the 1st or 4th option. You have to do something, tho. If you continue without doing anything to show your interest, she's eventually going to just give up, and you're really going to be upset at yourself for not moving faster. Just give it a try.

[ksmit]

read my reply to the other thread but to recap...

 

a) NEVER let a girl out of your sight for a weekend without asking her out

b) saying "have a nice weekend" suggests that you're not going to be involved in it, bad choice of words

c) you should've asked her out well before friday, see point A...

 

call her and tell her you're sorry for not asking her out again, you had "some things on your mind" or some similar BS, then offer to get together with her tomorrow or sunday.

 

if this is two months this is awful slow. she is probably thinking the same thing i am, and getting tired of waiting. turn up the physicality a notch if you get another date with her. hold hands, walk with your hand on her back, kiss more. tell her how attracted you are to her at the end of said date. don't leave any room for questions or doubts on her part.

You're the goddamn king thatone. And don't worry I'm watching both threads like a hawk. You have saved my night and possibly our whole relationship.

 

UPDATE I called her up to go out tomorrow and she enthusiastically agreed. Right now I'm going to find a romantic place and call her up again later to tell her the plans.

Edited August 26, 2011 by ksmit

[Professor X]

You're the goddamn king thatone. And don't worry I'm watching both threads like a hawk. You have saved my night and possibly our whole relationship.

 

UPDATE I called her up to go out tomorrow and she enthusiastically agreed. Right now I'm going to find a romantic place and call her up again later to tell her the plans.

 

Finally.

 

And keep in mind that no matter what, by the end of that date, you KISS her.

There's no way in hell that you're driving back home without a kiss, no way.

[Cracker Jack]

That's awesome. Hope it all goes well.

[ksmit]

Thanks a lot. The question now is where to take her. I know I need to make this one extra special for us. Since you say walking isn't enough. Maybe take her out to a nice dinner and walk afterward.

[thatone]

you've been talking to her BY EMAIL for two months, the answer is right there in black and white. you should know what she likes and what she doesn't.

 

re-read the emails, figure something out that you know she wants to do based on what she said, then go do it. this isn't rocket science.

[thatone]

You're getting good advice here, just follow it and kiss her. There's tricks, but really, there's no tricks. You just have to go for it. Make her laugh, buy her drinks, sit next to her, touch her, kiss her, that's it.

 

that's really exactly it in a nutshell, you're making this way too hard by building yourself up and then not delivering.

 

you pay attention to what she says, and what she does. you react to those things. again, it isn't rocket science.

[ksmit]

If you walk away from her, right now, if you deleted her number and never spoke to her again, what would you really be losing? (That's not rhetorical; I actually want you to consider what would be lost.)

I guess it's not necessarily losing something, but knowing I might have missed out on something truly great. I read your reply thoroughly and you raised a lot of good points. I'm grateful for that.

 

that's really exactly it in a nutshell, you're making this way too hard by building yourself up and then not delivering. you pay attention to what she says, and what she does. you react to those things. again, it isn't rocket science.

If I could eliminate fear and anxiety I'd be golden. Seems like most of the battle is just controlling my emotions.

[xoxoDaniellexoxo]

Finally.

 

And keep in mind that no matter what, by the end of that date, you KISS her.

There's no way in hell that you're driving back home without a kiss, no way.

 

 

Couldn't have said it better my self X!! I feel like it is like a spy movie and his mission is to kiss the target!! I think Disney said it best "It don't take a word not a single word go on and kiss the girl!!!!":D

[ksmit]

Why don't you just man up and do whatever you want to instead of asking us if you should call etc.

Did you really have to quote my entire first post just to tell me that? Please edit that out. Believe it or not, people can make better decisions by learning from those who've been there.

[Professor X]

Couldn't have said it better my self X!! I feel like it is like a spy movie and his mission is to kiss the target!! I think Disney said it best "It don't take a word not a single word go on and kiss the girl!!!!":D

 

Well, it is his mission and the Disney quote is nice

[ksmit]

Guys I'm having a problem. Sent her a text a few hours ago and nothing. So I thought I would try calling her since she should be awake by now but no answer. It's already approaching mid-afternoon and haven't heard a peep.

 

I'm starting to think I truly hurt her yesterday for never arranging anything until last night. I think the fact she left without saying bye or anything was a sign she was upset and felt unwanted. Putting myself in her shoes I suppose I would have felt the same way. If she calls back I want to take her out for a nice dinner and movie.

 

Now I have to try to keep my spirits up because this is making me sad. Yesterday evening when I suggested getting together today she seemed all for it. After a text and a call, should I just sit back and hope she eventually contacts me? This fkn sucks...

[Professor X]

Guys I'm having a problem. Sent her a text a few hours ago and nothing. So I thought I would try calling her since she should be awake by now but no answer. It's already approaching mid-afternoon and haven't heard a peep.

 

I'm starting to think I truly hurt her yesterday for never arranging anything until last night. I think the fact she left without saying bye or anything was a sign she was upset and felt unwanted. Putting myself in her shoes I suppose I would have felt the same way. If she calls back I want to take her out for a nice dinner and movie.

 

Now I have to try to keep my spirits up because this is making me sad. Yesterday evening when I suggested getting together today she seemed all for it. After a text and a call, should I just sit back and hope she eventually contacts me? This fkn sucks...

Yeah, just wait, maybe she's sleeping or something.

[ksmit]

I'm pretty certain she isn't sleeping this late into the day, but I will continue waiting. Is there a next move if she doesn't contact me within the next couple hours? Maybe try calling her again later. Feel like I almost owe her a bigger apology.

Edited August 27, 2011 by ksmit

[Feelsgoodman]

We had a few great emails today like we always do, but she didn't respond to my last one and left work without even saying goodbye (and I'm 99% sure she read it). When I went to her desk to see her, she was already gone. I have to admit I'm an idiot for not stopping by earlier when I knew for certain she was there, but this is still surprising behavior coming from her. *face palm*

No, you are not an idiot for not doing that. However, you are an idiot for another reason - caring too much. That's why you're losing her. You are smothering her with attention, which leads her to think you are desperate, which leads her to think that you are not very successful with women in general, and which ultimately leads her to conclude that you are undesirable.

 

The only way to fix the situation is to pull back...and start talking to/going out with other women. Either this girl will come back running to you or you will move on with your life. Either scenario is preferable to where this is heading right now (her dumping your @ss).

[ksmit]

Thanks guys, I feel better. Honestly though I think I might have actually cared too little. She was asking me if I had weekend plans yesterday and I ignored the question like a total a-hole. I was really hoping that phone call yesterday to ask her out today would have cleared any doubts in her head.

 

Anyways, I guess I'll just see what happens at this point. Thanks for all your efforts.

[ksmit]

She ended up texting me claiming she was feeling sick today and was sleeping most of it. Called her up and tried to arrange something and she didn't seem to be feeling up for anything because she was tired and not feeling well. I told her if she felt like going out later to let me know but I doubt I'll hear anything back.

 

I have a bad feeling I've really blown it because I think she's full of s***. Her texts are still friendly and warm though like usual. Would it be too pushy to try to set something up for tomorrow or should I just wait for the next weekend?

[ksmit]

I compromised by sending her a text that I was going out tonight, would like to take her out tomorrow, and that there was "something" I wanted to talk about. She enthusiastically accepted so hopefully it will be a go.

 

I think I did this right because it shows her that I don't need her, but would still like to see her soon. That last bit about something to talk about is to hint that I might have had a wake-up call from her recent behavior and might actually start being more aggressive with our relationship (what she's probably been dying for). Hopefully this will give her something to think about and instill faith in a potential future with me.

 

Of course, this "something" will be actually telling her to her face for the first time that I value our friendship, think she's an amazing girl, and (very?) attracted to her. With combination of holding her hand and being more touchy on the date, it will hopefully awaken those feelings she had or might even still have.

 

I still think there's a possibility she's testing me to see how much I really care for her before she gives up. Perhaps she's just been aching for me to be more aggressive and this is her way of doing it.

 

Cash reward for thorough responses.

[krz12]

Why would you use the word 'friendship'?

 

Please dude, plant one on her. I'd love to read a success story here.

[thatone]

agree, do not use the word friendship.

 

kiss her as soon as you see her again, tell her that's what you wanted to say.

[ksmit]

Thanks guys. I suppose I'm on the right track then with my 9:27 post? thatone, are you saying I should go right in for a real kiss the second I greet her?

 

My concern now is where and when to kiss her. It's hard finding privacy. Using numbers so you can easily respond. Because this might be happening in a few hours, there will be a cash reward for quick and thorough responses!!!.

 

1. What would be an acceptable time to kiss her? More options the better. Before we even leave for the restaurant? Before we get our food? End of the date? Etc. I will research this but any advice would be great.

2. When I first greet her at the door, would it be acceptable to give her a hug, squeeze in a peck on the cheek (wouldn't qualify as first kiss, but might get her ready for real one later), then walk her to the door with my arm on her back? For usually never touching her at all in the past I worry it might be too much.

3. What about opening the door for her and guiding her in with her hand? Perhaps all the touching in #2 would be enough.

4. Is this too much touching for not having really touched her at all prior? I worry such a day and night difference might be overload for her or make me look like I'm coming on too strongly or desperate.

5. After the meal, would it be a good idea to offer her a mint when we head home? Look into her eyes when I ask and maybe glance at her lips with a flirty look?

6. I know it's not preferable, but could I tell her I want to kiss her sometime throughout the date or do I really need to just dive right in? I know it's not preferable, but it would FORCE me to do it which could be a really good thing.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Professor X]

7. I can tell you this much: If you won't relax and you won't let your kiss come out naturally, it will suck no matter how much preparations you make.

[ksmit]

Being prepared would make me relaxed.