robdrm32 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 A few weeks back i asked a friend of mine out to a movie since she had been giving me some good signals (i thought) and my bro was egging me on saying she likes me. She declined saying she was busy that day and didn't offer up another day so i figured ok she isn't interested no big deal. Wasn't mad or anything. About a week later i get a text asking why i haven't visited her at work in a while to which i replied because i don't go past there much. I'll give the dialogue (paraphrased at some points) Me: hey i offered to take you to a movie so you could have seen me over the weekend if you wanted to Her: but i couldn't blow off my best friend Me: of course, but if you wanted to see me you could have offered another day. Her: aww dont make me feel guilty now you make it sound like i'm the bad guy Me: haha no, why am i supposed to be the bad guy? her: No, no bad guys, you're being hurtful Me: How so? Her: Because you just are! Do you have to ask so many questions! I didnt respond because i thought that was a little b*tchy. She texted me the next day something about the earthquake and 2012 coming. all i said back was "I cant wait" and didnt hear back my bro said he had talked to her at her job the next day and she was wondering why i was so short, and that she didnt realize how i meant it when i asked her out. I text her jokingly about her quitting her job and how she didn't mention it to me. More dialogue Her: because you werent talkative whenever i tried talking (which was once) Me: i didn't appreciate the attitude i got a few days ago Her: and thats why i didn't tell you Me: i'm not following? Her: because you werent talking to me Me: i'm still confused Her: thats because you don't understand female brains. Pretty much ended there I texted her yesterday but she was short with me so i stopped. Confused on this one, thinking maybe she just liked the attention and was trying to keep it going?
Beachgirl8 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Why don't you call her? It sounds like she likes you but you have different texting styles and are both reading a lot into texts which are easily misinterpreted.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Lol... well... from my point of view, it seems like you are being rude and callous (no offense, just calling it out for how I'd see it) and that she probably does like you... but that she has issues/inexperience with being up-front and communicating directly.
thatone Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 yeah, i agree. i don't have a problem with the general idea of standing your ground when dealing with women you're dating and speaking your mind to an extent, but you have to ask yourself what's the upside to saying such things? you haven't gotten a first date out of her yet, so what's in it for you to start an argument? nothing, that's what. you can be more persistent without being rude. why didn't you offer another day/time when she declined the first one? if she continued to deny you after that first date then you have your answer, but you jumped to rejection without even getting past the first date, for no good reason.
Author robdrm32 Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 hmm good posts. i guess there is no point in saying what i said. yet a few weeks ago she was talking about getting fired from her job, and that she'd have to bother me out of nothing else to do. I said that wouldn't be so bad. and she replied "Are you that lonely?" things like that i feel like she is taking a shot at me. she knows how i am with women, i'm shy and i don't talk to alot of them. sometimes i get the impression she is just toying with me because she knows i'm lonely. hell she is good friends with one of my exes that lives in another state so i'm sure she knows alot about me.
thatone Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 the positive side of that may be that saying such things is her sense of humor. i personally find women who can banter back and forth with subtle jabs like that attractive, intellectually. dating conversation is a game to an extent anyway, adding humor to it seems like killing two birds with one stone, if both sides like that sort of thing, and since i don't offend easily (at all, honestly) i have no problem with women who say stuff like that if it's meant to be humorous. but again, you don't know any of this because you haven't even gotten a first date out of her yet. play the hand you're dealt, get a date or two past you, then you should know.
SelfControl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) rob...when she didn't counteroffer you were dead in the water. Think about it, if Brad Pitt asked her out would she have blown off her friend? The answer is yes. So, don't take this too personally but she just isn't that interested in you, which you have already come to that conclusion and for that I congratulate you for going with your gut. Your gut will ALWAYS be right. Learn to trust it, especially with women. Your gut is also telling you that she is stringing you along for attention, which is true too. Again, nice job on picking up on that. Now, to put an end to that, what you need to do is change how your respond to her so called 'banter', which frankly I find rude and wouldn't put up with. The next time she contacts you, instead of being all wimpy and saying 'it wouldn't be so bad if you stopped by', say something more lighthearted, confident and playful. Say something like 'well, you can stop by but you'll have to pry me away from my other dates if you want any attention'. I know it may seem tough at first to say something like this to her, but, trust me, she won't know what hit her. Anytime a woman pushes you too far or picks on you, take your comments back to her to the extreme to push back. Another example would have been after she turned you down and didn't counteroffer and then asked you why you didn't come by her work. You should have said becuase there is a woman who lives over that way that is stalking me and I need to stay clear of that area. Don't think for a second that this girl is inexperienced or bad at communicating when it comes to men. . She knows exatcly what she is doing and exactly what to say to get a rise out of you. By making comments about how many girls are after you, you'll reverse this and you'll get a rise out of her. Have fun with it. Be ready with a quip at all times instead of getting uptight and letting her know she got to you. After all, alls fair in love and war. And, since you are dead in the water, have some fun with this. Edited August 27, 2011 by SelfControl
Pierre Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) OP: Your style is blunt and not playful. In bold you can see what I would have said. Me: hey i offered to take you to a movie so you could have seen me over the weekend if you wanted to But, who knows the theater may still be open Her: but i couldn't blow off my best friend Wow, I feel better, I thought you had a BF, ha, ha Me: of course, but if you wanted to see me you could have offered another day. If you really want to see the movie I will not tell you how it ends, so no BF, I feel so much better! Her: aww dont make me feel guilty now you make it sound like i'm the bad guy You destroyed my heart, but I survived Me: haha no, why am i supposed to be the bad guy? Yeah, I think you are naughty her: No, no bad guys, you're being hurtful Me: How so? (And here I cannot help you, you are confrontational and you are turning her off) Her: Because you just are! Do you have to ask so many questions! (Yep, you screwed up.) I didnt respond because i thought that was a little b*tchy. (She felt the same about you) Very poor style dude. Edited August 27, 2011 by Pierre
rafallus Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 rob...when she didn't counteroffer you were dead in the water. Agreed. And by argument, you dug yourself even deeper. She was already hardly interested at all, and by argument, you just reinforced that in her mind. Don't bother with her, it's a lost cause. On to the next one.
Author robdrm32 Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Thats the feeling i had, and i wasn't upset when she rejected me i just took it in stride. I can be a little touchy i'll admit, so when i got attitude from her i was pretty much done with it.
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