jeffrey777 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) I've been together with my Gf for 1 yr 9 months. She recently went to a wedding with her family, having to drive 12hrs straight to get there staying for a couple days and driving straight back. I couldn't go since I didn't get that weekend off (I tried but just couldn't) She sent me pictures and txted, talked on the phone at night. When she was driving close to home she sent me a txt and said when she gets back she needs to talk to me about her life. She called and basically said she needed space to find out about herself. We talked but mostly txted (not my perfered methode of talking) since she was at work and so I was I. It eventually came from her that people in her life (parents) had said I was "controling/negative". She likes that I work out at the gym (asked me help her) and she has been going since she met me so in a way I'm her trainer, she goes all the time on her own. She had an aweful diet before I met her (always geting heart burn, popping ant-acids etc) since I got her eating more clean foods she does great and I make the occasional joke (are you going to eat that) I guess the parents took offense to that. I recently found that some one of my workout suppliments has a caffeene part to it and found a bigger issue that I'm very sensative to caffeene and I've completely stopped all of it including tea/coffee...This would explain the negativity, possible moodyness etc... Her parents wanted to meet with me and her to talk but I called asking for more info as to what they wanted to talk about. The dad called back saying that...She wants space, that I've done alot of awesome things for her, that they arnt the ones wanting us apart etc. (except they were the people that said the earlier comments about being negative and controling her diet) He suggested a "cooling off" period to not talk and get together to talk about everything when thats over. I agreed since I wanted to think about what she had said. Today is Friday and a week is up on Tuesday but I can't go up to see her till the 4th of sept roughly 9 days. She hasn't changed her facebook or pictures etc...So far everything remains in place. She tells me she love me. I'm wondering where I should go from here? What should I say at the meeting? What do I do/say from Tuesday till Sunday until we can meet up? Suggestions???? Edited August 26, 2011 by jeffrey777
PegNosePete Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 "She needs to find out about herself" is pure BS. It usually means she needs to choose between you and someone else. It might not be the case here but it's certainly a big red warning sign. Why is she letting her parents talk to you about it, and make decisions for her? If my GF had told me that her parents think XXXX, I would have said well what do YOU think, that is what matters? I would tell her that it's nothing to do with her parents and that you are not going to be involved in any kind of "meeting" between the 4 of you. It's between you and her and if she wants to sort it out then it will be just you and her sorting it out without anyone else sticking their beaks in. She called it off with you... why do you have to be the one to chase her? Tell her that you want to try again and if she does too then she knows your number and where you live. Then don't call, text or email her any more. If she wants another chance then she will make it crystal clear. Anything less than that or vague or if you don't know what it means, is CRUMBS, and you should IGNORE.
Ajax Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I hate to bring it up, but I'd be remiss if I didn't ask if there's a possibility that she met someone at the wedding? Wouldn't be the first time. That being said, needing "space" to figure ones life out is tantamount to a breakup. LoveShack is littered with threads about exes who needed to find themselves, were confused, and needed space. Often it's way to break up without looking like the bad guy. As for your girlfriend's way of doing it, it's pretty cowardly if you ask me. She brought this up through texting? I don't care if you're both working for a week straight, you don't initiate a break up conversation through texts. And for her parents to try to meet with you about it is inappropriate. She's a big girl. If she needs to end a relationship she has to do it herself. As most people on here will tell you, going no contact is your best option at this point. She's already checked out of the relationship, so it's time to take steps towards your own healing. You don't need her leading you on, telling you how great you are, and throwing you breadcrumbs that give you false hope. If she wants space, fade away completely.
Author jeffrey777 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Hey thanks for replying, I'd say it was pretty unlikely since she was surrounded by her parents and brothers GF the entire time. So your saying I shouldn't even bother to go to meet with her after the week is up? I had planned to go and see if the week apart made the heart grow fonder so-to-speak. I have no wish to hang on to something that isn't there anymore...Nor do I want to be friends then only to see her love someone else. I figured I would stay as long as I was the only guy she is interested in and not stay if she told me at the meeting that she doesn't want to date "anyone" and just wants to find herself. Cowardly yes, I've had a total of 30mins on the phone to actually talk about the issues in the last 4 days and in that time she never told me "specifically" what the prob was. That info came out over txt
Ajax Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I think meeting with her alone is actually a good idea, as long as you go into it with the attitude you just expressed. You deserve some face time and she owes you an honest explanation. Just understand that any answers she provides may not answer all of your questions. My ex pulled a similar stunt when breaking up with me (needing to find herself). The reasons they give are typically the tip of the iceberg. Sugar coated to ease their guilt and soften the blow. I think in your case the meeting should have one purpose: to decide if the relationship is going to continue or not.
PegNosePete Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 No, you shouldn't go. Especially not to talk with her parents. WTF is that about. If she has something to say then she can say it herself. If the week apart made the heart grow finder then she will be knocking on YOUR door and begging forgiveness for treating you like dirt. No, don't be "friends" and don't talk about the relationship. Either she wants to try again or she doesn't. Don't settle for anything less than a yes or no answer.
radiodarcy Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 this whole situation sounds very awkward and annoying. i'm not sure how old your gf is but if she's letting her parents call the shots on your relationship that doesn't bode well for the two of you. it sounds to me like she doesn't know what she wants and she's looking to one of two camps to figure it out: her parents vs. you. if that's the case, that's just lame. i wouldn't recommend waiting around for the meetup with her. i mean - - call and bail but i honestly don't see what good it's going to do either of you. even if she does say she loves you and you're the only guy she wants to be with, that doesn't guarantee that the parents aren't going to continue to meddle. are you really going to want to put up with that? the cynical part of me wonders if the parents aren't even the issue and it's her - - using their concern as an excuse to be wishy washy and keep you at bay while she plays the field.
Author jeffrey777 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Ackward and annoying, thats a way of putting it...I would have said a definate test of my patience! Since I've had no specifics other than a few words on a txt messages. I only got to talk on the phone with her that night and the day after for 20mins (she was on break for work) so time was limited. The mother I suspect is the issue...Caused alot of stress with my GF...She could never spend the night at my place. Her mom would call her atleast once while she was here after work between 6-1030 pm...Usually at 945 like clockwork. I could never spend time with her in her room even if they door was open upstairs. So I tended to be pretty quiet and only interacting when it was appropreiate. I wasn't overly PDA in front of them since they were across the living room on the other couch. I feel i may have some things to say even if the meeting with her isn't good. If anything I have to bring back the things she deliberately left at my house. I'm spilt on the meeting because in one way the father called cause he liked me, told me that my GF adores me (makes me think that he thinks she may be overreacting). I know I miss her right now and that has nothing to do with breaking up. But the other part of me says she/they might just want me up there to make sure the breakup goes smoothly and so she doesn't get talked into staying with me by me...Again I dont know since i will have no contact till Tuesday. My dad just said wait and see when you reconnect with her and I should be able to tell by her voice what direction she is going in.
Author jeffrey777 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 So alittle update....we came back from not communicating for a week and all foolish thoughts that she might contact me were over pretty quick. I waited till 930 at night and texted something upbeat and postive (no response) waited a half hour called (no response) waited another 40 mins and called again (no response) I would have only called once but with the hurricane coming thru here I didn't know what was going on. She texted back that she was out with her friends...It was pretty strained texts back and forth. I woke up the next day and texted, we had some small talk...She said she didnt miss the stress of being in a relationship this past week. Then she said that She will listen to me (on sunday we are sopposed to meet up) but that it prob wont change her mind. Then proceeded to tell me that why woud I be any different in making positive changes in my life since all the guys that shes dated always go back to the way they were before. I explained that I'm just not like that, when I see something I want to change I do it and stick to it. I then asked her "when is there a time that we can talk on the phone before meeting up on sunday?" I just wanted to hear her voice so I could feel out where she is coming from other than a text messages which I hate for dealing with this kinda thing. Its been about a day and I haven't gotten a response. To be honest I'm thinking its not worth my time to drive 30miles to go "finally" explain everything I have thought about or recognised and changed....Any thooughts?
PegNosePete Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 You're right, it's not worth your time or petrol money or the damage to the environment to drive there and listen to her reasons that she doesn't want to stay with you. She is trying to let you down gently dude. Just tell her fine, it's over then, goodbye.
Ajax Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 You're right, it's not worth your time or petrol money or the damage to the environment to drive there and listen to her reasons that she doesn't want to stay with you. She is trying to let you down gently dude. Just tell her fine, it's over then, goodbye. I agree with Pete. She seems to be dodging the matter. She doesn't seem interested or capable of giving you straight answers. It sucks man, but I think you're going to have to cut your losses.
Graceful Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Then she said that She will listen to me (on sunday we are sopposed to meet up) but that it prob wont change her mind. To be honest I'm thinking its not worth my time to drive 30miles to go "finally" explain everything I have thought about or recognised and changed....Any thooughts? Well, I'll be honest with you, too. It's not worth your time. She said she's done and done. You do not need her to hammer you with criticisms and tell you what you already know. The relationship is over. Why give her the upper hand? Again? Take it and keep it for yourself. This is beating the proverbial dead horse. Time to dismount. Whatever happened to people walking away with some self-respect? Try it, it will pay bigger dividends to you, and then you can go NC with some pride.
radiodarcy Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 at the risk of being redundant i'm going to say the same thing. let it go. she's clearly not interested in putting forth the effort in saving this relationship. so there's no need for you to try or give her explanations for why you're done. doing so would be pointless. not to mention, she isn't offering you any explanations so why should you offer her any? disengage and be done.
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