ellen83 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) Hey all - i am hoping to get some adv.... I was with my bf for over 4 years during that we had a few bumps usually when something stressful happened where he wouldnt contact me for a couple of weeks but never finished things. Then back in march of this year he rang me ( we live a hours drive away) and said he thought we had lost our spark and things werent quite right. I later worked out that he was going through a health scare and had a hospital appointment. So a couple of days later i text saying how are you and how did it go - and he rang saying he was sorry he was scared and fearing the worst regarding his appointment so he thought he should go through all alone. . . all turned out to be fine he came up and chatted about things and agreed we both needed to be more open we both cried but he said he realised he couldnt be thinking of marriage houses and babies and then end it. So i said he couldnt do it to me again and though it was hard things got back on track we had weekends away nights out i thought things were good.... then this last few weeks i have been snowed under in work and so has he and we didnt see each other last weekend at all and he i heard nothing so i text a couple of times saying i was scared and what was wrong and he text back saying nothing he would give me a shout later but dont worry. Then he didnt... On monday evening at 10pm he rang and said look its just like this I have been thinking about this and its over... its just done ... its not working anymore... we're just like friends we dont chat like we used to its done and i want out i want a buzz i want fun and i want the excitment. i said i couldnt understand it and asked y was he speaking to me like i was a client and he said thats how it had to be... instead of us he was gonna get himself a house.... i said what about last weekend when we were away and he said aw it was alright nothin special... i dont get it.... so i just said ill post any of your things to you ( which he would receive today) and take care.... i havent text called email nothing i dont know what to all my friends are saying not to ... but can it really be over and if it is should i try something... should i contact him ... Edited August 26, 2011 by ellen83
Author ellen83 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 do i just accept it and move on ... the thing i cant get over is his coldness its been 4-5 days and i asked could we meet up this weekend and have a chat and he just said no he was gonna go away with the boys... my head tells me no contact my heart tells me we were meant to be and i should fight for it but i dont know what to do .. you cant make someone love you... im v close to his parents and i asked what his mum thought and he said she said he had to do what he thought was right... even if she didnt agree. its killing me .. i read other posts about writing letters and thought that was a good idea as we used to write love leters to each other but i just dont know what i would even say ...
Nohbody Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 You need to initiate NC. We've all felt the way you do, but in many cases our hearts were lying to us. Get away, get space, and begin to heal. If he has made the decision to leave you, nothing you do will change his mind. He has to come to the ultimate conclusion himself, and it's completely out of your hands. This is a bitter pill, but it's as near the truth as I can make it. Please feel free to post here for support and advice.
Author ellen83 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 thank you for your reply ... i havent spoke to him at all from this but im scared that if i dont its over and for four years surely its worth trying to salvage esp when there doesnt seem to be a reason why... i am also scared what if theres more to it than hes saying ...
LelouchIsZero Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 There isn't really much you could say to him though, nothing is going to change his mind. The only chance you have is if he comes to the conclusion himself, which is why you need to initiate NC so you both have space & you can heal/improve yourself. If there is more to it then you shouldn't want to know, I learnt that the hard way.
Author ellen83 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 why should you not want to know ... im just thinking in the past when weve had rough patchs theres been things like ... issues with his business, his health or his parents so may be i can be there for him if there is ... is contacting his parents a bad idea ...
Nohbody Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 What will his parents say to you? How will they help anything? He's a grown up and can do what he wants. Here are some links for you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t257520/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ Probably won't answer questions, but will give you some stuff to think about.
LelouchIsZero Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 why should you not want to know ... im just thinking in the past when weve had rough patchs theres been things like ... issues with his business, his health or his parents so may be i can be there for him if there is ... is contacting his parents a bad idea ... In my case, it didn't necessarily help. I guess in a way it gave me more reason to try move on though. There isn't any reason to contact his parents. Sorry if i sounds like i'm being harsh.
Author ellen83 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 no dont worry i totally know where you're coming from!! The only reason i mention contacting his parents is because we live so far apart we dont have a lot of mutual friends so i was thinking of contacting his mum as i know theyre very close just to ask her thoughts but i dont want to incase this offends him... its just hard becuase a week before this happened he asked me to speak to my manager about transfering to a job closer to him so we could look into houses. He cant move to me as he has his own business and he knew i was prepared to move there... so it was a complete shock when he said all this esp when i asked if he thought he would miss me and he said no... he was putting himself first above everything else!! I asked was it committment and he said maybe. i just feel like everything isnt normal i didnt see this coming at all ... we were best friends above all for 4 years surely there comes a point when he questions this he can not be that sure of himself .... he said we had gone stale but there were no signs of this ... other than being a little stressed out at work .. we talked, everything was great in the bedroom, we had fun, we went on lots of vacations life was good. i dont get how you can just quickly delete someone from your life and maybe part of me doesnt believe him ... i am starting to sound dillusional and my friends are questioning why i would want him back after making me feel like this?? i just feel like i should do something ... like maybe a text email or a letter telling him i love him, that i would do anything for him....that he means the world to me and i would follow him to the end of the world and back. that i would move to his city away from my family and friends where i dont know anyone to be with him in a heart beat ... how sad do i sound ...
Nohbody Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 He knows how you feel, right now he just doesn't care. You don't sound sad. We've all felt the way you feel now. Our situations are different, but our losses have brought us here. What you are experiencing is normal and you are not alone. It sounds paradoxical, but honestly the best thing you can do right now is... NOTHING. With regard to him, anyway. You can use this time to shift focus back to yourself. Become a more awesome you. Things will play out as they play out.
cavedweller Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 ellen83, You have been 'dumped'..The relationship is over...You have to accept it and move on.
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