Why does the next person seem to be treated better?

[Sugarkane]

The ex tried to use me as a FWB, never made much effort with me, stood me up. Will he do the same with the next girl? It sickens me how happy they look on facebook.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Probably seems that way because you are hurting. Think back to the beginning of your relationship, didn't you feel like you were treated better than ever? If so he will more than likely do the same things to her.

[Buttercup84]

I know what you mean . When I was with my ex at first it was perfect .he then showed his nasty side too . My fear is the next girl will get treated better too

[Nohbody]

Things are not always as they seem.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sometimes if we are smart, we reflect back on our relationship choices and do a little better with the next partner.

[SillyS]

It's just a waste of energy to think of their next significant other. Whenever my head goes to something like that, I think of traveling India next summer, finishing my studies, learning french, taking this amazing yoga class in the fall and turning 24 in less than one month on the 24th.

 

 

I redirect the focus to myself as it should be on me.

[jquest1280]

But of course, who would post an unhappy picture on facebook? Don't judge a facebook by its cover. Don't even go there.

 

(In India, learning French, though not 24. Life does get better.)

[reimeivn]

oh yeah we do learn a little bit about relationship and treat the next one better a little bit in the beginning. but if he dumped you, forget about him actually treating her better. he wont, he still him.

 

they dont change.

[reimeivn]

even if he treats her better, he is still him. you didnt dump him because of all the bad things he did, she also wouldnt stay with him because of all the nice things he does. its the person inside that matters, that keep people together or not. so chill out.

 

me i wouldnt care too much. he is still the same crap that left me. good luck with his life and whoever he gets.

[Coolsbreeze]

True it seems like when they get someone new they treat them a little bit better, maybe they wisen up to the whole situation of the breakup and realize that it's probably better to change a bit for the sake of this relationship.

[CopingGal]

My ex treats his new gf WAY better than he ever treated me.

My ex never made time for me and never brought me into his life. He kept me off of face book and didn't allow me to have a relationship with his son...His excuse, he said he wanted me all to himself. Well, after we broke up, he fully welcomed a stranger into his life, and in less than a month, he, his new gf and his son all started taking family trips together. Pluse he put her on facebook. This ass said he loved me. What a joke.

[shortee143]

A lot of us seem to think that, at least at first. I know I do. It seems like he is much more devoted to her, and spends a lot more time with her, and just loves her family. But then I realize, he is still the same guy...his relationship/personality flaws are still there, bc he never took the time to address/change them (as he has only been single a few months over the course of 6yrs). Dude cant stand on his own 2 feet...so odds are we think they are better, we romanticize the things we see/hear about them with the new bf/gf...but in reality, it is prob still the same sh*t, different girl (or boy).

[fauxleather]

The next person will most likely not get treated better unless your ex sat down and got hurt as badly as we did, sat around in forums thinking and reflecting, writing in our damn journals and thinking over what we did wrong and how we could resolve the whole issue and what we would have done if we could turn back time etc etc.

 

You think our ex-es went through all that? Hell no. They just moved on. That's why we are here, not them. If there's anyone that will have a chance to change for the better it would be us, not them.

[WTRanger]

The worst thing you can do to impede your healing process is to compare yourself to the ex's life or the ex and their new boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

The second worse thing you can do to impede your progress, is to keep looking at Facebook and thinking that what's on Facebook is anywhere near reality.

 

You are the one holding yourself back. You are refusing to let go and free yourself from this madness.

 

For what it's worth, OF COURSE it'll look like they treat the new person better! You are stuck in the mire of sadness, you just had your heart broke so it's natural to be in the dumps. But don't go comparing apples to hand grenades with your ex's treatment of you versus their new squeeze. All you'll do is make yourself feel worse by making completely false and illogical connections about things that have zero grounding in reality.

 

Stop holding yourselves back by focusing so much on what the ex is doing.

[CopingGal]

My ex told me that the reason why he treats his new gf better than me is because after about 20 years recently he finally got closure from his first love. Now he can give to this woman. He said this is why he has her on face book and allows this stranger access to his son.

 

Hmmm, okay, so he can now be more open with a stranger instead of me whom his was with for almost 3 years...okay, but I don't think it will change his selfishness, manipulative, controlling behavior and all the lies he tells. The therapist thinks he has an agenda with this woman and if he was truly a better person, would he have been so completely mean to me when I saw him 2 days ago. It was like having a conversation with the devil. He says he's changed, but I don't see if because we are no longer together.

 

Yes, that person was right, you shouldn't compare relationships. Just try to move on, that's what I'm going to do. My ex tried to change for me when he was seeing me. Then he got even worse afterwards.