Snow-white Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Hello everyone, I am new to this forum. I need advise on how to get my ex-husband back. First of all, from all I can say: never get a divorce unless you are in real danger. Perhaps separate to figure out what you want, if you got together when you were still young. I had a loving, caring husband that I pushed away and did not give him a chance due to a life crisis of not knowing where to go, and I made him and us the problem. We were together for 11 years, married for 3 1/2 years. We went through ups and downs together, traveled the world, lived on different continents. Our lives got so busy and we constantly moved to different cities. Anyway, I left my ex-husband, packed my stuff, and crossed the ocean. We are thousands of miles apart from each other now. I believe that he still loves me, but from what I did to him, he is now in too much pain to grant us counseling or just TALKING. He told me that he has a new girlfriend. But when I called him, I did not know this fact. Therefore, I do not want him back because he has a girlfriend now. No, I want him back because he is my one true love (always has been) and I wish I could reverse the divorce. So, do you have any advise for me how to get your husband back when you are thousands of miles apart from each other? I am sure there is love, but I guess I have caused too much pain.
Chinook Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Good luck, I cant get my husband back no matter how hard I try and he only lives a few minutes from me at his parents house. Same here I wish you both the best.
2.50 a gallon Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Snow White Why are you are still thousands of mile apart? You can't show him how much you love him from a thousand miles away. Actions speaks louder than words
Craig2425 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Only way this will work is of both parties want it.
sadhubby Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 pfftt women always want what they cant have. sorry if that sounds bitter it is. if he has a new girlfriend i am sorry you are all but gone in his mind now. you can try but it will just stroke his ego. look at it this way would you like to drive a car that broke down on you and is all messy inside ? or a brand new car with that brand new smell.
Author Snow-white Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 To 2.50 a Gallon: When I left my ex-husband, I did not know there is a thing called "Separation". I just left the one country, took an airplane to fly to the country where my family lives just to get away. And now, I can return, but I would be on my own. Now, I am on my own too, but it is my native land. I am still hoping for my ex and I to get together again. I still love my ex:(husband....
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 we need a lot more info on what caused all this, before we can offer any real form of support. when did things start to go sour? Before or after your marriage? How long were you married? what lead up to this? What country are you from? and him?
Woggle Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I hate to say this but even though it takes a lot for a man to move on once he does he doesn't usually go back. I hate to be harsh but I have to agree with those who say this is want what you can't have syndrome. If he were begging for you to take him back would you want back so much? 1
tojaz Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I am sure there is love, but I guess I have caused too much pain. Tell us why you believe this. As a husband who was left and is in the healing process, I can tell you that distance is most definitely working against you. How did you leave? What were the reasons you stated? How long have you been apart? TOJAZ 1
Author Snow-white Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) thank you all for your thoughts on this Edited April 7, 2012 by Snow-white
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 ...she said, without answering any questions. Well, sorry hun, but unless you give a little, we can't add anything.... 1
trippi1432 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Perhaps if she hadn't waited 8 months to update her thread?? :o
worldgonewrong Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 If a man has been kicked to the curb (ahem, as I have), he has to go through a loooong healing process. And if his original love tries to come back, it's no doubt an effing shock to the system that he will either (a) VERY cautiously consider or (b) reject because he doesn't want to get hurt so badly again. I would imagine it sounds extremely hollow to hear "but I love you", if so much bad sh_t has gone down - rejection after rejection. You'll have to work overtime. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Perhaps if she hadn't waited 8 months to update her thread?? :o oh lordy... true 'nuff... but she keeps posting this nonsense elsewhere, now.... i told her to quit thread-jacking.....
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 well i'm thrilled you got your giggle, coopster darling!! D'oh!!
coopster Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 well i'm thrilled you got your giggle, coopster darling!! D'oh!! I replied too, So, i`m just as` hooked` i didn`t keep biting thou
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 yeah... when you get as old as i am, you tend to repeat yourself....
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 hell, yeah... you know, when you get as old as i am, you tend to repeat yourself.... 1
stillafool Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 So, do you have any advise for me how to get your husband back when you are thousands of miles apart from each other? I am sure there is love, but I guess I have caused too much pain. Considering you were the one to ask for the divorce and you have already sent him an email asking him to take you back but got no response from him, and he has a new girlfriend; I would say the chances are slim to none that he will take you back.
Yasuandio Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 This may be a case of "mimenic desire." Meaning, (simplistically), you may think you want your husband now that someone else wants him - "mimic"). It's human. Please check yourself on that. I'm having a hard time grasping how a realization like this, comes out of the blue, just like that. But maybe that's just me, overthinking. It might be helpful, if you are serious, to buy Homer McDonald's book, and memorize it - backwards and forwards. Really, really, think about - and try to implement his ideas. If you can't handle it, and need more direction, do the little assignment he gives on the last page, and send it to him. He will call you. This man totally shifted my paradigm in 15 minites flat. Due to the nature of your situation, and if you really still love your husband, I would also recommend you take the 5 tele-conference counciling offered by from Homer McDonald. He guarantees success. I believe him. But like other posters have commented, there are many questions in your case, that remain unanswered. That is why I suspect the first sentence of my post may be the driving force behind your wish. You would never want to put this man through a break-up a second time. Tread carefully, look into your heart. Yas 1
trippi1432 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Actually C..that was what I was thinking as well. Timing is everything isn't it? Call me...in my best Blondie vocal...hahahaha
Yasuandio Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Hi Sweets! Long time, no see! I needed to express my newfound knowledge. This was a good field practice. Are you impressed? Yas
SuperGeek Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) OP, I usually just lurk in this forum and only read, but this thread moved me to the point of signing up for an account. i just had to comment on my feelings from a male point of view after being on the receiving end of a situation like this. I am currently post break-up/separation/divorce now at about 20 months. I was with my ex partner for a fairly extended amount of time and she was my everything. She left me after things started to get a bit rough. The full blown separation was finalized a few months after she moved out of our house. WE could _have_ made it work if she hadn't gave up on us, but I had no control over that decision. She got what she wanted, which was me out of her life. For nearly the next 2 years I went through horrific pain of loss. Lots of severe depression, anxiety, and anti-social behavior. I engaged in a lot of partying, drinking, and just overall being crazy and out of control. It was messy and it took me a lot of months to get a grip on things and to accept it was over. I think back now and it's amazing i made it through that painful period in my life. When my ex left, she completely rejected me publicly and turned me into a villain in the minds of all her friends and family. She planned and executed brutal destruction of our relationship or any possible attempt at getting back together in the future. Fast forward a year later, my ex and her new 'fiance' are over. Apparently this guy was great at telling her what she wanted to hear, but wasn't good on actually following through -- He left her for another woman after draining her of time, money, and sex. Just a single year and their relationship is finished. Guess who's on my doorstep crying asking for me back and telling me how great I was? Yup, it was her. And you know what? When she came back, it messed me up for about 3 weeks because I just had spent over a YEAR getting over her. I got so close to taking her back and trying again, but there was a problem. I couldn't trust her at this point. See left me and hooked up with another man the entire year and didn't really even realize the damage it did to me. She paraded her pics of this new guy on her facebook and made it seem like her life was just awesome. She put me through pure pain for a long period of time and it took a toll on my mental health and well being. A man who really really loves a woman and gets kicked to the curb will hurt for years. Once that man is finally able to get over the hurt and heal from it, the odds of that guy taking her back is like 0.0000000001% (read: impossible). Lady Gaga has a good quote from one of her songs and it's so appropriate (edited to the PG version): “Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in the reflection.” --Lady Gaga Trust is very hard to earn back after it's been lost. Usually it's really hard to get it back and takes a lot of effort, just like repairing broken glass. My advice to you is to learn from your mistakes and move on. Leave your ex alone and let him find a girl who cares enough _not_ to leave when things get rough for awhile. [ Is it just me or do people just leave way too soon these days? ] Anyway, I'm sure this post will get a lot of 'hate' replies, but the point of all this rambling is, if you're going to go through the trouble of getting divorced - DO NOT TRY TO COME BACK TO US. SuperGeek Edited April 11, 2012 by SuperGeek 2
tojaz Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Anyway, I'm sure this post will get a lot of 'hate' replies, but the point of all this rambling is, if you're going to go through the trouble of getting divorced - DO NOT TRY TO COME BACK TO US. SuperGeek Not going to hate, but I am going to disagree. Divorce changes a person regardless of what side your on. People learn a lot about themselves and you come out a different person then when you went in. Sometimes people have to learn by making mistakes and I tend to think there are a large number of leavers who live to regret their decisions, but out of pride or fear, never do anything about i OP if your thinking along these lines for the right reasons, I would say, let him know in a very honest and unthreatening way, because hes going to be very gun shy around you. Thats really all you can do though, and then wait and see. Even if he is interested, it is not going to be a fast process for him to get past, being left again will be at the forefront of his mind if he considers it. Its an uphill battle, but it does happen, even years later, if you both want it and have both learned from your mistakes. I would answer that question first though. TOJAZ
trippi1432 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Do you have any problem bringing your ex husband back. If things like this happen it just one person i know that does this better. He's Dr. Sunah by name you can tell him about your situation and am sure he will do something great about that. Positively. Give him a trial. The website is Home - The Great Olokija Temple (god of solutions) and mail is [email protected]. That is website and mail id. Good luck to you. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Bet he sells snake oil too........
Recommended Posts