andrewsam20 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I just broke up with first gf, we were in a relationship for just 7 months.. i still have feeling for her. I'm doing all those things which are neccessary for the healing process. Like NC, blocked her from facebook all those.This the first time i was getting dumped, feels bad now its been 1 month and i maintained no contact. I started accepting and i'm trying to move on, but some time i feel really bad.. i know that it will take time .. I read a lot of post here and its been a great help for me, but i didnt find a post which mentioned the life after we moved on. I just wanna know whether we will know that we have moved on as right now i feel i haven't.. Some days are good and some days we bad , during the good days i'm scared thinking that these good days wont last long and i'll be hitting depression soon. i'm scared to go out thinking i might bump into her, feels bad when we hear her name all that. Just asking if all these triggers remain even after we moved on. It would be great if u guys share ur experience after u have moved on.
california15 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Still having feelings after a break up are still natural, since you're not the one who initiated the break up. They'll probably still be there for a while before the eventually change and go away. Keep with NC. Usually the first few weeks are the hardest. Not to say people don't lapse after that, but if you can make it through the first few weeks you're usually pretty good and over the first major hurdle, so kudos on that. After my breakup, reaching acceptance and truly realizing the end of the relationship was for the best, it became easier. Someone said on here "Did the relationship change, or are you finally seeing it for what it is?" And that was a monumental turning point, one we reach at our own pace. Direction is more important than speed, so be patient with yourself on this whole process. I'm actually starting to feel better post-breakup. Less anxious, that's for sure. Because before the relationship ended, I'd be anxious if he didn't respond to my texts for days while on a boys vacation. I'd be disappointed if he said he'd meet me at such and such place and then be a no-show later. Less wondering who he was with when he didn't come home until 4am. So definitely more peace in my life now. Am I sad the relationship ended? Sure. Hurts like hell. Do I know its the right thing and its for the best? Absolutely. Yes, triggers are still there AFTER THE BREAK UP. You asked if they're still there after we've moved on. No. They're not there after we've moved on... because we've moved on - they don't trigger those feelings of anxiety/sadness/butterflies anymore... because as I just said, you've MOVED ON - they won't affect you like that when your 100% over the person. I think you'll know you've moved on when one day you realize you're indifferent to the whole situation and hearing about an ex, no matter what the news, doesn't bring anxiety/sadness/anger/guilt/regret etc. Indifference. You'll just realize it one day, and won't have to ask yourself, "have I moved on?" because if you have to ask that, then chances are probably not yet.
fetish1980 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) it's funny andrewsam, that's exactly what i go through. Throughout this whole summer, i was pretty happy and feeling really good about myself, but something felt out of whack. Something was telling me that i'm not supposed to be happy and depression will be right around the corner. Sure enough depression hit at the 6 month anniversary from my breakup. Then started to torture myself with memories of the past and how long its been already since we were a couple. My mind would start drifting to her without me even knowing it. It's all in our programming. Our minds are like computers to what program in our minds is how we're going to feel. I know, because i'm still struggling with that and have to keep telling myself this. We all deserve to be happy. I'm starting over from scratch and getting back in to only focusing on myself and building the inner part of myself. I'm trying to forget how my ex is handling things since she's no longer of any concern to me at this point. I guess old habits start to kick in. fetish Edited August 26, 2011 by fetish1980
Author andrewsam20 Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Thank u california15 and fetish for your replies. Though our relationship lasted for 7 months it was unhealthy, out of the blue she is used call and tell she was confused about the relationship. According to her she doesnt like good looking or hot guys, she can't handle them (she is good looking and so am i). She is commitment phobia, she doesnt like kids, she hates her dad it seems he used to beat her up when she was young and she still fight with him and her brother. Though she was not the one for me i was still liking her, i was emotionally attached to her. When we used to fight i had lot of things framed up to tell her but cant tell her as she will be arguing with me and finally it turns out my fault not hers. I used to leave it that way as i didn't want her to loss her. she is with a new guy who is not that great , it feels bad , it makes my self esteem and confidence down. I think she needed me as she didnt have friends here she didnt luv me from her heart. I read in some post that u can move on faster thinking about the bad things ur ex has done , well she has done lot of bad stuffs but more than the bad stuffs my brain switches to good times we had.
katie.x Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I read in some post that u can move on faster thinking about the bad things ur ex has done , well she has done lot of bad stuffs but more than the bad stuffs my brain switches to good times we had. I just wanted to put my 2c in here, I don't think it's good to think of the bad stuff. I think it's best to tell yourself that there were good times, but not too hold onto them with hope but more keeping the as fond memories, and as for the bad stuff, to try and let it go. Holding on or thinking of it just brings you down, trust me as should be taking my own advice right at this very moment. It you knew it wasn't meant to be then think of it as a positive that it happened and you grew as a person to move onto something better. AND!!! just because you haven't jumped into a new relationship doesn't mean anything negative against you. You are letting yourself heal properly because honestly, if you met someone really special would you want to waste them because you still feel broken inside for not letting yourself heal?
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