blugirl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) Basically the problem is, my SO is living in a 3rd world country in Asia (Manila, Philippines), I live in Europe and he wants ME to move over to his place!! Can you guys believe it?? Maybe I'm biased/in the wrong but who on earth would like to move from a decent country to the one filled with corruption, sex industry, poverty seen everywhere, high crime rate etc etc ?? I absolutely cannot imagine living in such a place and bringing up children in such surroundings, I'd dread for myself and them every single day! But of course he doesn't see the problem, being brought up there he obviously has some kind of attachment to the place, no matter how bad it is How can I knock some sense into him and try to convince that it's better to move to a decent country instead? Do we have to break up just because we clash on that matter?? How stupid that would be >< Has anyone had a similar problem? Any input from you guys would be appreciated, thanks in advance... Edited August 26, 2011 by blugirl
madjac74 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Can you guys believe it?? Maybe I'm biased/in the wrong but who on earth would like to move from a decent country to the one filled with corruption, sex industry, poverty seen everywhere, high crime rate etc etc ?? I absolutely cannot imagine living in such a place and bringing up children in such surroundings, I'd dread for myself and them every single day! You just described many problems of the United States of America. Would you consider that a decent country? And you said you live in Europe but not which country but Europe also has what are considered "Third world" countries while Asia has many countries that are far more prosperous than any European country. Regardless of which country you live in...you will still be a snob.
LittleTiger Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I don't think 'snobbery' is the issue here. The issue is that the OP doesn't want to move to her bf's country and he doesn't want to move to hers! Yes, blugirl, as stupid as it might seem, this is just the sort of thing that breaks up LDR's. FTR, I have no idea what the Philippines is like to live in, but I wouldn't want to move there either!
Author blugirl Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 You just described many problems of the United States of America. Would you consider that a decent country? And you said you live in Europe but not which country but Europe also has what are considered "Third world" countries while Asia has many countries that are far more prosperous than any European country. Regardless of which country you live in...you will still be a snob. I feel we have a little misunderstanding here. I'm far from being a person who looks down on those who are less fortunate in life and being a snob. I just say what I think after seeing how the city looks like (my SO's video (going down the streets), seeing a few documentaries, lots of YT vids and pics from my bf) and seeing how shabby and run-down it is, how poor ppl organise a wake with an open coffin in the middle of a street, squatters' areas and so on, I feel I would be scared to even go out, the reality there is so much different than in my country! It's a real shock to me! Of course, I can't really say much until I go there finally and see for myself but the impression I have now is... that I don't want to live there. I don't think 'snobbery' is the issue here. The issue is that the OP doesn't want to move to her bf's country and he doesn't want to move to hers! Yes, blugirl, as stupid as it might seem, this is just the sort of thing that breaks up LDR's. FTR, I have no idea what the Philippines is like to live in, but I wouldn't want to move there either! Your answer just made me feel It's hard to believe a couple who has a genuine connection can break up over something like this... but maybe it's because we are both egoists/stubborn? Sigh, no idea what to do ><
HeavenOrHell Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Couples who love each other dearly break up because of the distance, and because neither of them is able to move for many different reasons. It doesn't mean either person is too stubborn, or an egoist. It also doesn't mean the love isn't strong enough, like some people who aren't in our situation say/think. Sometimes it's too painful to stay a couple if you can't end the distance. I hope your situation can be resolved, I know how it feels. >Your answer just made me feel It's hard to believe a couple who has a genuine connection can break up over something like this... but maybe it's because we are both egoists/stubborn? Sigh, no idea what to do >
madjac74 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I feel we have a little misunderstanding here. I'm far from being a person who looks down on those who are less fortunate in life and being a snob. I just say what I think after seeing how the city looks like (my SO's video (going down the streets), seeing a few documentaries, lots of YT vids and pics from my bf) and seeing how shabby and run-down it is, how poor ppl organise a wake with an open coffin in the middle of a street, squatters' areas and so on, I feel I would be scared to even go out, the reality there is so much different than in my country! It's a real shock to me! Of course, I can't really say much until I go there finally and see for myself but the impression I have now is... that I don't want to live there. My apologies for misunderstanding your character. I dont know if it was the way you worded it or the way I read it but it just came across as slightly snobby to me. But anyway i can't imagine it would be very easy for anyone to move to a different country regardless of its political or economic state. Heck I live in the same country as my SO and we are not making any progress in making a move one way or the other. And if your BF has lived in the same area all his life then it would be understandable to have an attachment to it regardless of its condition. It's just what he knows. I dont know much about his area of the world but here in the US we have areas in most cities that are rundown, poor, dangerous and just down right scary and yet mere miles away there are amazing, wealthy family oriented neighborhoods. Would you consider living in his country if there were more suitable places to live?
FitChick Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 A lot of Americans retire in the Philippines because of a low cost of living and friendly people. Not every area is horrible. There are some nice areas and there are rich people, too. No one should enter into a LDR without one of you clearly stating you will move to the other's country if things work out. Don't just assume anything.
HeavenOrHell Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It's not as cut and dried as that, people may intend to move and then circumstances change which means it's then not possible. No one should enter into a LDR without one of you clearly stating you will move to the other's country if things work out. Don't just assume anything.
madjac74 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It's not as cut and dried as that, people may intend to move and then circumstances change which means it's then not possible. Or two people are just in love and not wanting to give up even if it may be impossible to ever be together.
LittleTiger Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It's not as cut and dried as that, people may intend to move and then circumstances change which means it's then not possible. I'll second, third and fourth that - with bells on!!! *sigh*
FitChick Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 That isn't the situation here. It's not that either of them can't move, they just don't want to. Pen pals forever then.
Author blugirl Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 Would you consider living in his country if there were more suitable places to live? Of course! But since it's hard to earn a living there.... not sure how with jobs >< Or two people are just in love and not wanting to give up even if it may be impossible to ever be together. Sigh, exactly... That isn't the situation here. It's not that either of them can't move, they just don't want to. Pen pals forever then. You're wrong, we CAN'T move now either way because of financial problems. We were only discussing where to move but as of now, no end to LDR can be seen because of $ >_<
Citizen Erased Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Yeah, stay in Europe. Most Filipinos I know couldn't be paid to move back there after living in a first world country.
Els Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Eh, I don't think it's snobbery. I come from a 3rd world country and most of the people there with half a brain are struggling to get out. Not in. Perhaps Philippines isn't as bad, I'm not sure. Many, many LDR couples face the settlement issue, IMO. Not only LDR couples, even. Gone are the days when couples grow up in the same village, live there all their lives and die. With most modern couples, some sort of compromise has to be made as to where they live. If that isn't possible, it usually does not end well. Not much advice other than that, I'm afraid. Bf and I have faced this problem before, albeit at a more minor scale. Good luck!
TokyoG33kyGal Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 filipino here manila is not that bad, but depends on where exactly he lives in manila. btw, before i go further...i thought you said back in june that you are gonna try to work/live where your SO lives? what made you change your mind? plus, did you meet in person already? before you'll be able to move to the philippines as an immigrant though, you have to be married. our gov't is quite 'laxed with tourists but if you are gonna stay there for a long time, you have to be married to the filipino citizen. other people who migrate there has retirement in mind. if you can move some place like cebu or other provinces near manila, the standard of living is really cheap, quiet and nice. if your SO does not earn no more than 30k philippine pesos, then forget it. it would be hard for him to support you two, considering the lifestyle you have experienced living in the first world country.
Author blugirl Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 filipino here manila is not that bad, but depends on where exactly he lives in manila. btw, before i go further...i thought you said back in june that you are gonna try to work/live where your SO lives? what made you change your mind? plus, did you meet in person already? before you'll be able to move to the philippines as an immigrant though, you have to be married. our gov't is quite 'laxed with tourists but if you are gonna stay there for a long time, you have to be married to the filipino citizen. other people who migrate there has retirement in mind. if you can move some place like cebu or other provinces near manila, the standard of living is really cheap, quiet and nice. if your SO does not earn no more than 30k philippine pesos, then forget it. it would be hard for him to support you two, considering the lifestyle you have experienced living in the first world country. Hey, you still remember ! lol. Anyways, I wanted to go to his city but the things didn't work out as I planned and I'm still financially uncapable so no, we haven't met yet. I'm starting my new job soon and it will go on like that for the next 10 or 12 months so by that time I will be able to go on the internship to Asia for sure, just that I will go to someplace else. I prefer him to make an effort and go to me the first time we meet, not the other way round. It would be much closer to him so he would be able to afford it financially. And thank you for the info but I really don't intend to live in PH. He said that next year he's quitting his job and plans to go abroad to work, maybe to Taiwan, Australia or Japan and will try to stay there. Only then I'd consider moving in with him - although I'm afraid I would always feel like an alien in an Asian country and maybe would not be accepted by locals but as long as it's with him and it's a decent country, it's ok.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 You're talking about moving countries, and living together, before you've met?!:eek:
Els Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Umm.. yeah. I'm all for relationships beginning online, but you really should not put the cart before the horse. I'm not saying that what you have now is not real, but the period before you meet should really not exceed the 'dating' stage - permanent relocation is something people do after that. Meet before you think about things like permanent relocation. Saves you a lot of headache, trust me.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Don't know why the icon was in my message, shouldn't have been!
Author blugirl Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 You're talking about moving countries, and living together, before you've met?!:eek: It's actually him who brought this topic up, I wasn't intending to talk about such things cause I think it's way too early for discussing that. But he asked me if I'd like to live in his country so I said no. No worries girls, I'm not going to move anywhere before I meet him and get to know him in flesh~
TokyoG33kyGal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 It's actually him who brought this topic up, I wasn't intending to talk about such things cause I think it's way too early for discussing that. But he asked me if I'd like to live in his country so I said no. No worries girls, I'm not going to move anywhere before I meet him and get to know him in flesh~ be careful blugirl. but just FYI, it's hard for us Filipinos to get tourist visas because we're a 3rd world country. so in your situation he can try to get a tourist visa to get to your country (the chance to be granted is slim), or you can try to go visit to the Philippines (airfare might be expensive but food and other expenses are really cheap, plus he can cover your food and lodging?), or meet halfway in an Asian country (except Japan) because we won't be needing visas to go there (especially HK, Thailand or Singapore). this is probably why he's telling you to move there.
Mundy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 It will be very stupid if you guys can break up because of that.You need to visit him and tell him how you feel about moving to that country. communication is the key to the successful relationship. Sex Chat
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