genmut Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Before we got together my ex-gf slept with this guy she met at a party over a span of a few months. She claims she didn't enjoy the sex (she says she felt like a sex toy), but "sort of" liked the guy. Turns out she got chlamydia from him, so they stopped it and she went on antibiotics. She says she felt dirty - yet she continued meeting up with him as friends. After we got together she stopped talking to the guy - however she'd still go for events and parties where he'd be around (including his house party) Said she couldn't help it cos this guy was a pretty popular dude and knew all her friends. I didn't stop her, but I made it known that I was uncomfortable with it. After a while she just got annoyed and asked me to "deal with it". I tried, but never got over it. She eventually dumped me for making her feel restricted. (there were other issues on space as well) My question is - is this normal? Part of what disturbs me is the fact that she was so forgiving towards someone who supposedly used her and gave her an STD. She once attempted to make me feel better about it by telling me that she was depressed then and looking for "epic pain" and "wanted to break herself". Personally I think it's an issue of self-respect but I don't know, what do you think? Would you put up with a guy who gave you an STD/is it fair of her to expect me to just deal with the fact that she was hanging around him? Thanks in advance!
rafallus Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 If I were in your shoes, I would think she's pulling wool over my eyes and still interacting with him in an inappropriate way. Breaking up with people like that isn't a grief, it's a relief.
Author genmut Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Well to be fair she'd come home after that and tell me how they avoided each other like the plague during the party. But still....
mr.dream merchant Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Come on.....you know what this girl was about. Why would even want to talk to a chick who was/is dirty with an STD?
Author genmut Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 mr dream merchant: she told me about it only after we got together, and by then I was too infatuated. I saw her as the victim. oh and she's veryyy attractive. come on, it was an easy mistake to make!
thatone Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 she is not a victim, if she didn't enjoy the sex she wouldn't still be hanging around with the guy who gave her an STD, and you "deal with it" by telling her to GTFO.
zengirl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 While I am very pro sexual health and always ask about STDs (thus would be appalled at someone lying to me and then giving me one, but mostly the lying---you gotta ask about that ****!), I don't know that giving someone the clap makes you the worst person in the world or whatever. . . assuming it was done unknowingly, I mean. Both of them need to practice better sexual health practices there. Yuck. But, yes, her whole baggage on that, and it sounds like other issues, makes her more than a bit 'off' if you ask me. If it was some friend she slept with who accidentally gave her The Clap and she learned a lesson about it (safe sex!) and forgave him, that's a different kettle of fish, but she sounds like she had some weird emotional drama and attachment to that guy and a weird style in general. Better off without her, likely. She sounds like she'd be some drama with the "break" herself stuff.
FitChick Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Chlamydia often has no symptoms so I'm sure there are thousands of people who have it and don't know it. A good reason to wear a condom.
zengirl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Chlamydia often has no symptoms so I'm sure there are thousands of people who have it and don't know it. A good reason to wear a condom. And get tested regularly!
Author genmut Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 That's the thing - I don't think he knew he had it but he lied to her about not sleeping with anyone else recently, when in fact he had 7 other girls while with her. Yeah I think she had some issues. She was this dark, brooding emo party girl when I met her, transformed into a cutesy loving girlfriend with me, then dumped me when she realised how much she'd changed. and blamed me for changing her.
thatone Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 grats on your first psycho. there are plenty more where she came from, enjoy the ride.
Cypress25 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Not knowing you have an STD and accidentally sharing it with your partner is an honest mistake. Irresponsible, yes. But unforgivable, no. Knowing you have an STD but lying to your partner about it and knowingly putting your partner at risk makes you a jerk. This is unforgivable. These are two separate issues, see? Which one describes your girl's situation? Hopefully we've all learned a lesson here: Condoms are good. Even virgins can be born with an STD.
Author genmut Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 cypress25: I don't think he knew, what he DID know was that he was sleeping with 8 girls simultaneously, and he lied to her about that.
Cypress25 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 He shouldn't have lied to her about that. But they both have a responsibility to insist on a condom every time. Why? Because people lie! Men lie. Women lie. Everyone lies. That's why it's stupid to make the condom decision based on what your partner says. He said he's clean. He said he doesn't have any other sexual partners. He said he never used intravenous drugs. So? Can he prove any of those claims? If not, it's condom time. Besides, a person can have an STD for years and never know it. So even if he hadn't had sex with anyone in 5 years, he could still have an STD. Your girl must have known this. There's no excuse for going condom-less.
Author genmut Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 I have no idea why she does the things she does - she didn't use protection until I came along. Okay, so we've established that she was young and naive (and somewhat mentally disturbed), but what about my angle? Should she just expect me to be fine with her being in his company?
Cypress25 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Should she just expect me to be fine with her being in his company? Yes, as long as she's not alone with him in his bedroom or going on romantic dates with him. If they're friends, what's the big deal? I have many guy friends. I'm even friends with some of my exes. We're not close, but I don't see why it should be a problem.
Author genmut Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 I was cool with her meeting her exes. The difference here being that here's a guy who lied to her and supposedly used her as "something to stick his **** in" (in her own words) AND gave her an STD. And she told me about the disease in rather graphic detail too. That's why it haunted me when she hung around him.
ascendotum Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Chlamydia often has no symptoms so I'm sure there are thousands of people who have it and don't know it. A good reason to wear a condom. This is correct. You dont have to sleep around a lot to get it. Sleeping with a partner who is banging lots of other people and being negligent with using condoms doesn't help your chances. A condom doesn't cover cunnulingus though. OP as for your angle... From my perspective if a gf told me she still wanted to hang out with an ex who used to disrespect her, cheated on her (multiple times) & gave her an STD and treated her as a f*** toy, my respect for her would be downgraded. I would suspect she still has fond feelings for her ex 'popular dude' to some extent. I understand why you were uncomfortable, though if their paths crossed infrequently, she did not act too chummy around him and you saw no inconsistencies in her behaviour in terms of possible cheating, I would not have harped on over it with her, but for sure would have expressed my feelings.
rafallus Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I have no idea why she does the things she does - she didn't use protection until I came along. Because she's stupid. Simple as that. Should she just expect me to be fine with her being in his company? No. She should make you reassured that there is nothing fishy between them, provided you aren't a paranoid person. And her reactions definitely don't line up with what I would call a caring person.
phineas Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 If I were in your shoes, I would think she's pulling wool over my eyes and still interacting with him in an inappropriate way. Breaking up with people like that isn't a grief, it's a relief. Yep. I've dated way too many women who are friends still with ex's that "treated them badly" They seemed to think it was ok to go out with them alone when they considered us exclusive. I didn't even bother telling them it was inappropriate. I just said see-ya! because the same women didn't want me hanging out with other girls. LOL! I can't say they were sleeping with these ex's, but when a girl your supposed to be exclusive with starts acting shady & not telling you when she's with an ex it's because there is something inappropriate going on (sex) OP, why was she going to these parties un-escorted by her BF (you) ?
phineas Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Yes, as long as she's not alone with him in his bedroom or going on romantic dates with him. If they're friends, what's the big deal? I have many guy friends. I'm even friends with some of my exes. We're not close, but I don't see why it should be a problem. Except, it appears he never went with her so how does he know nothing is going on if he isn't seeing how she interacts with him? It's moot because his gut was telling him something was off & trust became an issue & he should of just ended it himself. I won't agonize over a woman I don't trust, I eliminate her from my life.
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