bunny_trooper Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Hi Guys, I hope you can help me on my situation... I'm getting a bit frustrated with my relationship. I've been seeing my other half ( in his early thirties) for a couple of months now. We spoke and met a few times before that. He is a very very affectionate and lovely guy, but I get confused as to where I stand in his life when we don't meet up. I am always initiating contact, I call him usually once a day, so I'm not in his face.. or am I? Sometimes I'd send him a text. He usually picks up my calls and calls me back if he misses them, and always replies to my messages. But it's always me chasing him. He only asked me out once right at the begining. I only get to see him because I ask him out once a week. He had an arranged marriage before, which didn't work out. Before that he was never involved with anyone. In person, I feel he really wants me, he always hugs and kisses me first, but all other days I am left feeling confused. I understand that he has never been in a relationship, had a bit of a tough life and a bad marriage. I make him feel wanted and show him I care. He told me he loves me and that no one has ever been so nice to him like I have. I'm the only person he says he has opened up to. I don't know how to bring it up without sounding dramatic, but I would like to feel wanted too. I spoke to him about the phone situation a few times, and he said he will start calling, but never does. He did mention before he just isn't a phone person, but then he always checks his phone to see if anyone has called or sent him a message.. He is currently looking for a job, which means he can't be busy 24/7 can he? How do I make him chase after me? I really feel he's taking me for granted now, and I'm in tears. I feel that if I don't contact him he won't either... Is there a way to make him realise my worth and that it takes two people's equal effort to make a relationship work?
genmut Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 perhaps try sitting him down and telling him you'd like him to initiate contact in other ways too if he's not too fond of the phone? Put it very nicely, I'm sure he'll hear ya if not then maybe you could try withdrawing for a couple days and see if he reacts.
vsmini Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I dated a guy for about a year and a half and our relationship was very similar to how you are describing yours. Turns out - the guy was just not that into me. All the hallmarks of a relationship were there but he just couldn't give me the time or attention I needed. I always had that nagging feeling of "why isn't he more excited over this?" I kept my mouth shut and wallowed in my frustrations because I was afraid of seeming too "needy" Well you know what? I was needing something - a boyfriend that showed initiative and put quality time into the relationship. That's a legit need and no woman or man should be ashamed to expect it in their relationships. We broke up because when I finally did sit him down to talk about it he "freaked out" and we started having problems. I was devastated but at least now I know I was with a guy that wasn't worth a damn and couldn't put our relationship at the top of his list of things to do. Buh bye! Talk to the guy and don't be ashamed of what you want - speak clearly and don't show your nerves....be confident in what you're asking for. You should be!
sweetypielovely Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Ive been here and its best to speak up now if it bothers you. Its much easier to nip it in the bud now. Just tell him you would like him to initiate contact with you more and be the one asking you out more etc. Ive had to do that and it did help, for a bit anyway....
FitChick Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 If he was in an arranged marriage before, it sounds like he may just be a very passive person. Some women prefer being in control.
starla33 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I've had this problem in a lot of dating situations and either I bring it up (and things change for a tiny bit) or they get all upset and think I'm needy and stop talking to me. Honestly this is not the sort of treatment I would put up with in a relationship.
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