I pegged her from the start.

[katie.x]

My ex is currently dating a girl who basically pulled our relationship apart. I picked her from the start, my ex and I went on a break because he has depression and get very angry sometimes as a result, and was worried he'd lash out at me, and once he gets a rough patch of depression he gets stuck for a few months in the mid set as he is against medication.

 

So the very first night we were both out at the same place after breaking up he was off his face drunk (as a result of trying to build himself up because he knew he'd be seeing me). Some random girl asked him for his number and i saw him giving it to her (turns out he faked it because he didn't want to ruin things with me) so I got upset and left. Turns out my ex actually came running after me but didn't actually catch me before I got a taxis home.

Now this other girl my ex is now with was at this same event and after my ex returned he was crying because he knew he upset me, we'd had an argument in texts, plus he was drunk. So she then starts bad mouthing me to everyone she could, saying how much of a bitch I am, that I am so horrible to me ex, and bare in mind she has never actually spoken to me. So this is the very first moment I knew of this girls intentions.

 

Since then she's been out to get my ex thinking she is better for him than me, and flirting with him in front of my face and all over facebook, which would make me upset having him not do anything about it because he honestly believed she was just being his friend. My ex would then be upset because he could tell how upset I was and he hated himself for making me upset as he loved me so much. She claims it was her just being his friend and he believes her because he is naive and completely twisted by her now. There have been other outings where my ex and I would be talking and i've noticed her greasing me off but didn't think much of it at the time. Now I am well aware she's been against me for months.

 

So he's with her now because him and I fought a lot over the other girls behaviour and he said he couldn't handle it anymore and we couldn't be in each others lives. The other girl then jumped on this opportunity and he confided in her with our relationship issues and then got feeling for her.

I had always asked him if he had any interest in her and always sad no, to the point he'd get mad because he couldn't understand why i thought he'd ever like her. So it was a shock once they did get together, a month after my ex and i stopped talking, so i called to ask about it.

He just screamed abuse at me, saying everything feel apart between him and i because of me, that I was crazy and this other girl never did anything wrong.

 

It's been two weeks now, it's still hard to deal with as I know he is easily mounded to those around him because of his depression, and I know for a fact this other girl talks **** about me none stop to him, that i'm the reason he was upset all the time and that i treated him badly. I upsetting because she's using his mood as a result of depression to her advantage and using him as a trophy. She is the type of girl that talks to people so they love her and give her attention.

I still care about my ex greatly, i've only ever wanted him to be happy, but I am basically counting the days till he either realises what this girl is really playing at or they just end on there own terms as it is a clear rebound. I just want him away from her.

Opinions?

[wilsonx]

Katie Katie Katie Katie,

 

Your ex is a lying manipulative bitch. You almost are seeing the picture but you just aren't there yet. I spoke to you about this 2 weeks ago.

 

You have to go NC with him, you just have to. If you see the new gf for who she is, you are starting to see. Im going to show you exactly everything and how I went through this same exact situation. Its the same situation darling. And you need to exit it or you are going to hurt yourself for a long time.

 

My ex is currently dating a girl who basically pulled our relationship apart. I picked her from the start, my ex and I went on a break because he has depression and get very angry sometimes as a result, and was worried he'd lash out at me, and once he gets a rough patch of depression he gets stuck for a few months in the mid set as he is against medication.

-This is actually false, your ex destroyed the relationship. You picked her because things didn't look right. Your ex actually got depressed because he flipped the off switch of love towards you in his head. Emotionally immature people for some reason can do this **** while in a relationship. They just hit this switch and bam its over.

 

So the very first night we were both out at the same place after breaking up he was off his face drunk (as a result of trying to build himself up because he knew he'd be seeing me). Some random girl asked him for his number and i saw him giving it to her (turns out he faked it because he didn't want to ruin things with me) so I got upset and left. Turns out my ex actually came running after me but didn't actually catch me before I got a taxis home.

Now this other girl my ex is now with was at this same event and after my ex returned he was crying because he knew he upset me, we'd had an argument in texts, plus he was drunk. So she then starts bad mouthing me to everyone she could, saying how much of a bitch I am, that I am so horrible to me ex, and bare in mind she has never actually spoken to me. So this is the very first moment I knew of this girls intentions.

-Your ex is lying to you here about giving another girl his number. Ex do this to do anything from feeling guilt and making the other significant other from walking completely out of their lives. The only reason your ex's new girlfriend talks badly about you is because YOUR EX TALKED badly about you to her. Read this part again. Its true.

 

Since then she's been out to get my ex thinking she is better for him than me, and flirting with him in front of my face and all over facebook, which would make me upset having him not do anything about it because he honestly believed she was just being his friend. My ex would then be upset because he could tell how upset I was and he hated himself for making me upset as he loved me so much. She claims it was her just being his friend and he believes her because he is naive and completely twisted by her now. There have been other outings where my ex and I would be talking and i've noticed her greasing me off but didn't think much of it at the time. Now I am well aware she's been against me for months.

-All new bf/gfs always think the new one is better and so do their new counterparts, its never true. The grass isn't greener on the other side, especially after all the **** you have to walk through to get there. She is only against you because your ex let her be against you. I am telling you the truth on this. She was the shoulder he cried on and complained about you with and so thats all the information she has.

 

So he's with her now because him and I fought a lot over the other girls behaviour and he said he couldn't handle it anymore and we couldn't be in each others lives. The other girl then jumped on this opportunity and he confided in her with our relationship issues and then got feeling for her. I had always asked him if he had any interest in her and always sad no, to the point he'd get mad because he couldn't understand why i thought he'd ever like her. So it was a shock once they did get together, a month after my ex and i stopped talking, so i called to ask about it. He just screamed abuse at me, saying everything feel apart between him and i because of me, that I was crazy and this other girl never did anything wrong.

-What I underlined is not true. You have to let this go. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop this Katie. Nothing, it was going to happen. What I bolded is absolutely true except it was not your fault at all. It was his. The new girl did not do anything wrong. I hate to say it but its true, she has no concept of what she is getting herself into. She only has one half of the information and shes falling for the bull**** coming out of his mouth.

 

It's been two weeks now, it's still hard to deal with as I know he is easily mounded to those around him because of his depression, and I know for a fact this other girl talks **** about me none stop to him, that i'm the reason he was upset all the time and that i treated him badly. I upsetting because she's using his mood as a result of depression to her advantage and using him as a trophy. She is the type of girl that talks to people so they love her and give her attention.

I still care about my ex greatly, i've only ever wanted him to be happy, but I am basically counting the days till he either realises what this girl is really playing at or they just end on there own terms as it is a clear rebound. I just want him away from her.

Opinions?

-Again, she only has the information that he provides her with. What I bolded is wrong. Your ex is the type of guy that to talks to people so they will love him and give him attention. You can be mad at the girl all you want but in all honesty its not her fault. Its your ex's fault

 

You have to go No Contact. Thats it. This is pretty much what happened to me word for word except I caught my ex cheating on me. If I didn't I would be at the same stage of confusion you are. You can not talk to him ever again. He's a lying piece of ****. This isn't the first lie and manipulation he has put you through. You have to let him go and start moving on with your life without him.

 

The depression is 100% him and has nothing to do with you. The new girl is 100% him and nothing to do with you. I told you this 2 weeks ago when you first posted here.

 

Look Katie, I am 3 months out of the same type of breakup/relationship that you had. Same type, its such a mind ****. I hurt a little almost everyday still and probably will for a couple more months. But I see this relationship for what it actually was. It was never going to work. No matter how perfect I was or what mistakes I made. It was never going to work out long term because my ex was lying, manipulative and just a hurt person.

Edited August 26, 2011 by wilsonx

[gameseepaktd]

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[monkeyshaman]

My ex suffers from depression as well and just took a break from us too. I am afraid that she will also go and find some sort of replacement as quickly as possible to cover up instead of dealing like she said but who knows. The truth is that if she isn't out dealing with the issue so she can come back then she is not the type of woman who will do whatever is necessary to make the relationship work. I know the challenges of being with someone who has challenges that you cannot do anything about, its very hard.

 

I went NC as quickly as I could, while the uncertainty seems almost impossible at times I think it is for the best. Your ex does not seem like he wanted to deal with his problems and instead wanted to find someone else to cover them up. I know for a fact that I sometimes try to make excuses for her behavior and blame the depression but there comes a time when I realize that she is the one who determines when or when not to deal with it. I don't blame her for it but I do realize that she is the one who choose not to deal with it if that's the case.

 

I am trying really hard to realize things I have been missing in my life and not talking to her or trying to has really helped that. Many of my friends are amazed at how well I am handling such a challenge and I think a lot of it has to do with the NC. It is the hardest thing I ever had to do but in the end its the only option for her and me to get better whether we get back together or not. Try and focus a little more on yourself and let him run his own life (either to the ground or to the sky).

 

My thoughts are my thoughts, my actions are my actions, and my life is my life.

 

Her thoughts are her thought, her actions are her actions and her life is her life.

 

Just remember he is making the decisions in his life and you are making yours. Do what is best for you, I hope that things get easier for you. Relationships, or lack thereof, with depressed individuals are tough.

[wilsonx]

Its not that they suffer from depression, its that they switched off the light switch of love in their head and they are going through what most of us are going through now.

 

Read the I am no longer attracted to you thread and specifically Mack05's post about this

[katie.x]

Wilson! I was hoping you'd come out of the woodwork.

Now, whilst I appreciate your insight and opinions, of course ultimately it's up to me whether I agree with you or take on your advice. I say this because basically everything you've said to me, whilst it may apply to, does not all apply to me. I've said before patterns are shown between break ups but not everyone is the same person and not every break it follows a set of rules.

Don't get me wrong though, I am bloody happy I have some other insight for others I have spoken to.

You have to go NC with him, you just have to.

Don't worry I have, I only called once after a month of NC to see if he actually was with this other girl as it was on facebook and she didn't have facebook at the time, so his page just said 'in a relationship". Haven't contacted since and do not plan to.

 

This is actually false, your ex destroyed the relationship. You picked her because things didn't look right. Your ex actually got depressed because he flipped the off switch of love towards you in his head.

He didn't fall out of love with me, he was the one pushing to keep contact and try again, not to mention he said to his mum he planned on getting back together, this was real, he had no reason to lie at all. It's easy for you to say what you have when you don't know him or I personally.

 

Your ex is lying to you here about giving another girl his number. The only reason your ex's new girlfriend talks badly about you is because YOUR EX TALKED badly about you to her.

My ex and I hadn't had an issue at this point for him to talk badly of me to this other girl and he only met him in person on this night, he wouldn't of spoken badly of me because he loved me at this point. And he did give a fake number because it was for the girls sister and he wouldn't of bother running after me in tears if it was fake.

 

All new bf/gfs always think the new one is better and so do their new counterparts, its never true. The grass isn't greener on the other side, especially after all the **** you have to walk through to get there. She is only against you because your ex let her be against you. I am telling you the truth on this. She was the shoulder he cried on and complained about you with and so thats all the information she has.

He only spoke to her about our issues once we'd stopped talking, and she wasn't actually the shoulder he cried on as she was out of the country at the time. It wasn't until he no longer had ties with me that she came back and he found it easy to bond with her as he spent more time with her because her father actually passed a few days before my ex and i stopped talking and then she flew back to the country.

 

As for the rest of it, my ex isn't the type of person that wants people to love him, he is actually very shy and has trouble making friends on his own. He is though easily controlled by those around, or more he tries to mould himself to make others like him rather than be rejected for who he is, as a result of his depression.

This other girl is exactly the girl who wants attention. She is very selfish and uses people to build herself up.

My ex tries to run away from his issues rather than sort then, he has told me this whilst together, he doesn't like dealing with conflict because it brings up memories he'd rather forget. He is honestly a good person who is unfortunately surrounded by bad people and who are controlling him.

 

I know you will say 'he's just like everyone else' 'he's a liar' and all that, and yes to some extent he is, but on the whole he is a good person.

[katie.x]

By the way Wilson, my gmail user name is katiej.x

[PegNosePete]

He's your EX and he's with someone else now.

You have to accept that and move on.

Dwelling on it won't help you in the slightest.

[wilsonx]

PegnosePete,

 

I agree but babysteps, one thing at a time. Shes trying to find closure from this type of breakup. Its tough, it took me 2 months to find it for myself to truly figure out whats going on.

 

Katie,

 

You have him on what we call the pedestal. I will assure you that I am right because I am. You need to start focusing on moving forward and getting him off the pedestal that you have him on. He is not as good as you think he is. I had a real life best friend that just went through this. He told me you dont know J. Shes a nice person, she is no way like your ex. When he finally got her off the pedestal and started to see who she truly was, I was right. He called me up at 2am and said holy crap you were right. If you read my latest 400+ posts, ding on the money. The sad part Katie is you were just like me. I wanted to believe that my ex was a good person and what people told me on these forums were not the truth. That's who we are. Boy was I wrong after reading the patterns on this forum, examining my previous relationships, its a pattern. Open up to the idea that I might be right and then think about it. It will help you move forward and get him off the pedestal of how much of a good person he was.

 

I am not going to be on much the next couple of days so I might not catch you. We have a hurricane hitting down really soon. Damn Irene

[karf]

I agree with wilson.

 

You mentioned that your ex sometimes gets angry when he's depressed. If he was in love with you and someone started badmouthing you to him, doesn't that sound like the sort of thing that might make someone angry?

 

If he really loved you then why is he willing to blame all his problems on you?

 

I'm going to suggest that he's had those feelings towards you for a while and has run off to someone who'll validate them for him. If he tells her a bunch of awful stuff about you, she'll sympathise (because she doesn't know the whole story) and that will make him feel better about what he's doing to you.

[katie.x]

You mentioned that your ex sometimes gets angry when he's depressed. If he was in love with you and someone started badmouthing you to him, doesn't that sound like the sort of thing that might make someone angry?

 

He wasn't involved in the conversation of her bad mouthing me, he probably still doesn't know about it. A friend of mine was at the party and she was with my ex the whole time he was there and yeah, the other girl bad mouthed me behind his back.

 

If he really loved you then why is he willing to blame all his problems on you?

 

Wilson told me that you hate and love are the same coin. You can easily take your anger out on someone you care about a lot or the most, I know I can. It's also him trying to take the blame from himself because he feels guilty and is trying to have a reason to be mad, to hate me, to make himself feel better. And this is now, not during our break.

 

I'm going to suggest that he's had those feelings towards you for a while and has run off to someone who'll validate them for him. If he tells her a bunch of awful stuff about you, she'll sympathise (because she doesn't know the whole story) and that will make him feel better about what he's doing to you.

 

I agree with this, other than having the feelings for a while. My ex knows he is in the wrong as he has mentioned it numerous times to me and his mates (who he doesn't know talk to me) and over time he has been saying more awful things about me to this other girl, who encourages him and says much worse. She's trying to push him further from me and he is looking for the validation, yes.

[katie.x]

The truth is that if she isn't out dealing with the issue so she can come back then she is not the type of woman who will do whatever is necessary to make the relationship work. I know the challenges of being with someone who has challenges that you cannot do anything about, its very hard.

 

Your ex does not seem like he wanted to deal with his problems and instead wanted to find someone else to cover them up. I know for a fact that I sometimes try to make excuses for her behavior and blame the depression but there comes a time when I realize that she is the one who determines when or when not to deal with it.

 

A lot of what you said is exactly what I feel. My ex didn't want to deal with the drama or issues and did just try to cover them with someone else, who is willingly allowing him to do so, which I feel is hindering him but i's not my place to deal with it anymore.

It was also hard because no matter what I did, I was somehow always wrong. I was the only person who knew he had depression and so he sort of used it against me, or more as a safety blanket instead of sorting our issues.

I do make excuses for my ex too, as I still see the good in him, and I do also see the bad, which has unfortunately shown through a lot more because of the people he is now hanging out with. I know who he was with me, and how he changed himself to fit in with them, and I choose to see or believe his bad side can be over shadowed again by his good in the future.

 

I guess it comes back to my opinion that yes, there are patterns in everyones behaviour but at the same time everyone is a different person so patterns can always vary. If someone can change for the worse then whos to say they couldn't change for the better, i guess that's my bottom line to everything.

I am a positive person and I would prefer to believe my ex will be able to talk to me one day, I don't care if people here think that's stupid of me but he cared for me once so I don't think it's unreasonable to think he could have the light bulb moment where he sees he mistreated me and would want to apologise.

[katie.x]

All new bf/gfs always think the new one is better and so do their new counterparts, its never true. The grass isn't greener on the other side, especially after all the **** you have to walk through to get there.

 

I missed making a comment on this, stupidly because it was the main thing I wanted to ask about.

By saying this, and i'm relating this specifically to me, do you mean that the relationship won't be as good as what me ex had with me, or that it'll be over in due time as it's not really build on stable ground or what. What could you see happening between my ex and this new girl, keeping in mind of course you don't actually know them personally, but more what pattern have you noticed in other cases of G.I.G.S.

 

My ex is meant to be going to england for 5 weeks with his best mate in Nov. The new girlfriend and her best friend, who is dating my ex's best friend (they got together one day after each other), came back from england last month due to a family tragedy. They were all going to be in england at the same time but the guys postponed due to the tragedy, and I am unsure as to whether the girls are going back with them for a trip in Nov now, also unsure as to whether they will stay over there as they were originally staying until march next year.

ANYWAY, I see this a real test to the relationship.

They will have only been together for 2 and a half months, and if the girl does go I think it'll really test them having to live together for 5 months. But if she doesn't go, I think it'll give my ex the space he SHOULD of taken after all the crap with me and help him clear his mind.

Please don't yell at me Wilson and say it's not my problem, I would your opinion on this, what you could see happening. Please and thankyou

[wilsonx]

I have given you everything I have to give you to answer all your questions. You still have your ex on a pedestal and until you kick him off of it and realize he's not a great of person that you think he is, no advice I can give you will even matter.

 

But everything I have told you is true. Take some time to yourself, focus on yourself and only yourself for a while. Once you lock down NC, I suggest start working out if you haven't. It really helps focus your mind and you start to see things that will make you say "WTF Mate!" Then come back and read your 2 threads.

 

I wont be on tomorrow, have a mandatory evacuation for the hurricane.

 

Keep your chin up and start looking forward of your life only, not his or hers

[katie.x]

I have given you everything I have to give you to answer all your questions. You still have your ex on a pedestal and until you kick him off of it and realize he's not a great of person that you think he is, no advice I can give you will even matter.

 

But everything I have told you is true. Take some time to yourself, focus on yourself and only yourself for a while. Once you lock down NC, I suggest start working out if you haven't. It really helps focus your mind and you start to see things that will make you say "WTF Mate!" Then come back and read your 2 threads.

 

I wont be on tomorrow, have a mandatory evacuation for the hurricane.

 

Keep your chin up and start looking forward of your life only, not his or hers

 

Ok, well Wilson, it is my choice whether I see my ex "on a pedestal" or not, so if you want me to open my mind to your veiw, would you be willing to open your mind to mine. You said it yourself, we have the same thinking process, so I'm assuming you choose to see the good in everyone as I do.

I don't believe everyone acts in the exact same way as others in breK ups.

 

So if you would be so kind as to possibly give inisght to my previous questions? You seem to believe pretty strongly I'll knock my ex off the pedestal sooner or later so why would it matter either way if you gave your advice on these questions?

As a friend, if you could please give your opinion from the point of view that he may not be the complete dick you see him as.

[wilsonx]

The relationship is over, it honestly doesn't matter anymore. I can't give you anything else, you have to find closure within your self. I have given you ever answer that you have asked for, whether it be in your 2 threads that you started or in the GIGS thread.

 

I will not give you any thing else because I do not know. I can't tell you how long that relationship is going to last. I can't tell you whats going to happen with your new ex's new GF.

 

I can tell you that you will find someone that is more deserving of what you have to offer then your ex. Someone who wont leave you for another girl. Someone that who will openly expresses their feelings and is emtionally mature but in order to do that, you have to let go of this and this will take a lot of time. The longer you keep seeing good in your ex, the longer the healing process is going to take.

 

And just to let you know, the good that you saw from your ex actually came from within you not from your ex.

 

I really have to goto bed

[Mcnulty]

What do you want from your ex? Validation that you were right?

 

He has another partner, it's over and you've gone NC now, it's like that story about the peron who keeps knocking on the door and every time it opens, he gets punched by a clown...then one day when they knock the clowns not there...so they go looking for the clown!

[katie.x]

What do you want from your ex? Validation that you were right?

 

Well yes, that and a second chance.

[Geya]

Well yes, that and a second chance.

 

Katie.x, it's REALLY time you start accepting the relationship is over, OVER, OVERRR. Wanting a second chance will only prolong your healing process, there's no point in trying to figure out if your ex is good or bad, prince charming or the devil, he's not available, he broke up with you.

Start taking care of your self, he.is.with.some.one.else . someone NOT you, he's in a relationship with someone else.

What does that mean for you? It means that you should star looking for answers on how to move one, instead of looking for validation or a second chance. The only true validation and closure you can get is from yourself. Don't look for him for answers, you'll never know them all, BUT you already know enough of the answers for you to move on.

 

Please go NC for your own good, unless you want to hurt yourself some more.

[katie.x]

Katie.x, it's REALLY time you start accepting the relationship is over, OVER, OVERRR. Wanting a second chance will only prolong your healing process, there's no point in trying to figure out if your ex is good or bad, prince charming or the devil, he's not available, he broke up with you.

Start taking care of your self, he.is.with.some.one.else . someone NOT you, he's in a relationship with someone else.

What does that mean for you? It means that you should star looking for answers on how to move one, instead of looking for validation or a second chance. The only true validation and closure you can get is from yourself. Don't look for him for answers, you'll never know them all, BUT you already know enough of the answers for you to move on.

 

Please go NC for your own good, unless you want to hurt yourself some more.

 

I am NC, I was for a full month, made the call to find out about this other girl, and NC again for coming up to 3 weeks. I will not be contacting him, I have no reason or desire to.

I understand you mean what you say in a caring way, I know this forum is like a safe zone for all your emotions.

But, I refuse to focus on the negatives, and I refuse to believe my ex will not have a light bulb moment where he sees the truth, and the other girl for who she really is. BY NO MEANS do I think this will happen soon though.

Each day I miss him less, and less, and the anger towards him fades too, I don't want to be holding negative emotions, there is no benefit. Excep in terms of the other girl as I have no intention of ever being in her life, whilst I do believe my ex could be a friend in the future, at the least.

It's my choice to do and think like this, and just as I feel this is right for me, you can think it's not right, but there is no way to known without something actually happening.

I hope I'm making sense, and I know people are trying to help but I don't think everyone is exactly the same in break up behavior, there is no way to tell exactly why someone does what they do because eveuone is different.

I choose to see the best in my ex and keep what we had as fond memories and get over the negative crap that followed.

[Geya]

I am NC, I was for a full month, made the call to find out about this other girl, and NC again for coming up to 3 weeks. I will not be contacting him, I have no reason or desire to.

I understand you mean what you say in a caring way, I know this forum is like a safe zone for all your emotions.

But, I refuse to focus on the negatives, and I refuse to believe my ex will not have a light bulb moment where he sees the truth, and the other girl for who she really is. BY NO MEANS do I think this will happen soon though.

Each day I miss him less, and less, and the anger towards him fades too, I don't want to be holding negative emotions, there is no benefit. Excep in terms of the other girl as I have no intention of ever being in her life, whilst I do believe my ex could be a friend in the future, at the least.

It's my choice to do and think like this, and just as I feel this is right for me, you can think it's not right, but there is no way to known without something actually happening.

I hope I'm making sense, and I know people are trying to help but I don't think everyone is exactly the same in break up behavior, there is no way to tell exactly why someone does what they do because eveuone is different.

I choose to see the best in my ex and keep what we had as fond memories and get over the negative crap that followed.

 

It's very dangerous to only hold on to the good memories, because they're not reality, reality is he IS the person who broke up with you and caused you pain, he IS the person who jumped into another relationship with the same girl you were bothered by just 1 month after the relationship and he IS the person who was verbally abusive over the phone, you need to see him for who he is by his ACTIONS not by the person who you thought he was or he was in the beginning only, you can have your own opinion and ways but you can't argue with anyone else who thinks this guy is not worth keeping or waiting for, if you really love him and respect him that much then you should respect his opinion of parting with you.

 

But by the end of the day katie.x you're an adult, it's your life you get to make the decision, if you want to keep hoping and waiting for that light bulb moment that might never happen and live in limbo, it's up to you. But people have been there, they waited they waited long, they refused to let go, and they were stuck for a long time, nothing ever happened. Except they wasted so much of their time and youth on something extremely useless. He might or might not come back but right now all you know it's over he broke up with you, you should be letting go and not waiting for an "if", because trust me when you're over them it feels great! You're free and you can finally be happy again.

[katie.x]

It's very dangerous to only hold on to the good memories, because they're not reality, reality is he IS the person who broke up with you and caused you pain, he IS the person who jumped into another relationship with the same girl you were bothered by just 1 month after the relationship and he IS the person who was verbally abusive over the phone, you need to see him for who he is by his ACTIONS not by the person who you thought he was or he was in the beginning only, you can have your own opinion and ways but you can't argue with anyone else who thinks this guy is not worth keeping or waiting for, if you really love him and respect him that much then you should respect his opinion of parting with you.

 

But by the end of the day katie.x you're an adult, it's your life you get to make the decision, if you want to keep hoping and waiting for that light bulb moment that might never happen and live in limbo, it's up to you. But people have been there, they waited they waited long, they refused to let go, and they were stuck for a long time, nothing ever happened. Except they wasted so much of their time and youth on something extremely useless. He might or might not come back but right now all you know it's over he broke up with you, you should be letting go and not waiting for an "if", because trust me when you're over them it feels great! You're free and you can finally be happy again.

 

I don't think keeping the positive memories isn't reality because whilst he did behave badly, before that he was good. I don't want to hold the negativity, why screw myself into the ground remembering and dwelling on the bad times. I'm not forgetting them, or forgiving the behaviour, but looking back on our relationship I prefer to think 'we had a lovely relationship' rather than 'what a complete *******'.

In the long run, if he were to come and try be friends again I don't want to be holding onto all the negativity towards him, I will only be making myself bitter and closed off. I know he is a good person, and it's hard for you all to see that as you don't have the full story, the personalities or the experience of the relationship.

I'm not arguing here either, just saying you can't possibly have the full story to be able to make a 'correct' judgement, and even then no one can say what'll happen in the future, not even me because it's unknown.

 

Its not like I am putting my life on hold either, I am carrying on the same as I did before my ex and the 'hope' that he'll have the light bulb moment is more in the very back of my mind.