A little shocked at me...temporary state of mind? Or full recovery?

[Peagle87]

So just 2 months ago i was completely down and out of comission. Simply read some of my prior posts. Me and my ex (me being the dumpee) havent gone more than 3 weeks at nc and tonight was no different. I wasnt trying to be her friend but im still a little weirded out by my emotional calmness tonight

 

The 3rd last time i broke nc we talked about her starting school back up and how i thought she should visit her grandfathers grave before she starts becuz rly only i was the only one proud of her for doing this and i got her into it.

 

2nd last time i broke nc i got zero response

 

Tonight i was viewing groupon and saw an ad for heavily discounted horseback riding lessons and i sent it to her. She was very civil ans very brief with me so i kind of pushed and told her what was going on in my life. Told her about how i started to do mma and became a model for my mma gym and told her she should jump headfirst back into horses like i did with mma despite lack of funds and time. She was politely happy for me and congratulated me...and i felt nothing at all.

 

I dont know if im over her or if im simply content and feeling better because her life is bettering but overall stagnant especially in the romantic department (from what i know anyways-what one doesnt know doesnt hurt them right?)

 

I did feel good showing her the site and that she has a cheaper option now to pursue her passion. Id like to hear what people have to say but my honest weigh in on this matter is i have the "caretaking" personality and becuz she has moved on from her party ways largely due to me i no longer feel attracted becuz shes nowhere near as unstable as she used to be. Im just confused. For weeks on end including maybe a week ago i was bawling my eyes out and sedating myself with booze and drugs. Weird.

[Nohbody]

Time will tell. It is a good sign, whether you really are over her or just in a calm spot. Keep up the good work.

[Peagle87]

Interesting update. A little strange.

 

Heres the story. So after the above story my ex contacted me asking about how it is doing fulltime school and work since she will be in the same position. Well one thing led to another and we started talking on the phone for a good period of time. Since i was obsessed with her my friend about 2 months ago did intervene and made us stop talking basically. To get around that she made me promise not to say anything to my friend. Fair enough.

 

Now she texted me shes habing a bad day. I entertained the idea and asked her to hang out to get her mind off ****. So i picked her up

My first words to her as a play of words was...your looking well...fed. Lol. Her jaw just dropped called me an ******* went inside and changed her shirt haha. The night just kind of took off from there. We had a lot of laughs and a lot of jokes. She even asked me to share a quesadilla with her which was shocking as she never eats them. I started talking about my mma she about the new changes in her life. I dissed her new hairstyle a bit and she said oh well my dates have thought that it was hot. Told me about some guy she kissed and it created drama and she ended up being stuck out till 7am. This part of the convo did sting a bit and she said im just joking about the dates it was for the well fed bit. Either way i regained my composure and the convo kept flowing.

 

This is a part that kind of bothered me. She knew i have connections to getting cheap drugs and kinna kept asking me to supply her because shes a little worried about her financial situation with moving out from her parents. In addition she talked about with her friend about prostituing or being a dominatrix. Knowing the bull**** shes been through i talked her out of it. I think...

 

We then went to the beach and we had such a tender moment. Only minutes prior to this she was telling me she doesnt know why we dated she only sees me as a friend. Yet. We climbed onto a lifeguard tower and after a penis joke she reached into my pants for a few seconds. We sorta cuddled and she was stroking my arm and asked me to massage her (funnily enuf she had told me that my massages suck)unclipped her bra. I could be wrong but i think we came really close to kissing. I also fell off the tower and that made for some laughs. When we were getting off she was scared and wanted me to hold her hand. I wrapped my hands around her and just scopped her down in one fluid motion. She was like wow that was so smooth i cant believe how much stronger youve gotten from your training.

 

We spent a few more hrs cuddling in my car and massaging her.

 

Weve been talking today. Shes been more than civil And i gave her a lot of advice. She was a lot more brief than me i kinna admitted to having feelings but backslided a bit saying we shud keep our lines of communication open. All she said was you know you have a special place in my heart. Despite this shes been briefly in touch with me while she went out today go bowling and getting drunk. As im writing this im at work and she did promise to call but she didnt. It didnt bother me and so i said **** it...not really a big deal but yet surprisingly she texted me saying shes home safe. She doesnt even let her parents or friends know really and even while we were together she was half assed about it. Any thoughts on all this?

[Peagle87]

I dont really pay attention to horoscopes as i dont like the idea of fate being out of my control but for today... WTF LOL:

 

Your memory of a situation or a relationship that has ended may be rosier than it actually was. That's why you may be tempted to revisit what you once swore off. Nostalgia is a funny thing; it offers us very selective glimpses back at the past. But before you reignite an old flame or restart an old engine, do some hard analysis and some deep introspection. If your friends are questioning your choices, they may have a better memory of past events than you do right now. Go slowly if you are going backwards. You may want to turn around once you begin to recall the details

[Peagle87]

Anyone at all? Ive seen ppl in way worse situations get tons of replies and it seems like ppl are ignoring me on these forums

[Peagle87]

Anyone? Plz help i am confused n distraught over this..

[Peagle87]

Fair enough. But do you think what i described was flirtacious in nature even if it was breadcrumbs?

[GgirlBgirl]

Fair enough. But do you think what i described was flirtacious in nature even if it was breadcrumbs?

 

It was selfish in nature on her part. A better question is do you want it to be flirtacious? Does it make you feel good if it was? You know, women around the world flirt to get free drinks. They don't care who is buying, just that they are getting their attention and free alcohol. Not that I'm saying this is the case, but I would tread cautiously and not read anything into it.

[Peagle87]

how so? yea it did stroke my ego just a tad...