carhill Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 People alerted enough that Tony (moderator) felt compelled to pop in and lock it. Given how things are going these days, there must've been some significant issues. He doesn't stop in like he used to.
Author FL510 Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 People alerted enough that Tony (moderator) felt compelled to pop in and lock it. Given how things are going these days, there must've been some significant issues. He doesn't stop in like he used to. Thanks. Their website their rules... just wondering as it was helpful for me...
carhill Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Given the subject matter, revenge affairs, it was highly likely discussion would become heated over time. Still, the thread made it to over 300 posts before lock. That's pretty impressive. If you feel the issue was unresolved or need further assistance, don't hesitate to act on that. Think of it as 'thread rejection'. It's OK to get rejected now and again. I've had enough 'vacations' (moderation) to know. Hope things work out!
Author FL510 Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 HAH! thanks Carhill...I think someday with time I'll be able to move past it, and eventually get over thread rejection. was just rather abrupt and without explanation.
Owl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Keep posting, FL. We're here for you. Hopefully the trolls are or will be dealt with long enough for you to get the support you're here for.
jthorne Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Well, I'll try for yet a third time... FL, what is your plan to resolve your situation?
Author FL510 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Well, I'll try for yet a third time... FL, what is your plan to resolve your situation? I think I am going to have to go dark and hope for the best. For some reason the gradual disappearing act I did 10 months ago is not going to work. We had a fight (via email) and she kind of broke things off for 45 minutes, then I get this... I love you. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry that I said what I said. It is hard for me and I dont think I've gotten over a lot of things from before. I'm mostly sorry that I might have hurt you. I want to be with you and be happy, I wish it weren't so hard. I wish there were easy solutions/answers. I dont know if I'll ever see you or hear from you again and that scares me. I think I made a rash decision because I thought it would just be easier, but it isn't. It hurts so much. I can't stop crying. I wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you, see you, feel you. I can't express the regret I have. I'm sorry to you and for myself.
Author FL510 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Since then frequency of communication has increased. Do you think what she wrote could be interpreted as sort of a it's going to be hard to say goodbye? or is she reaching? Not sure how to read it.
StoneCold Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 This is the first chat board I've seen where the people actually alert the mods on a regular basis for every single little thing
bentnotbroken Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 This is the first chat board I've seen where the people actually alert the mods on a regular basis for every single little thing Yup. It's like when they start the pissing match, they can't take it when they get out pissed and starting pressing that little alert button. What is so funny is that I would bet in real life when they lose the pissing match, they don't scream alert.
Author FL510 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 FL, that might work, but to be sure there are no hard feelings you might want to invite her over one last time for a good 'ol home cooked meal: http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/showthread.php?t=112725 If that was not so funny I'd be pissed, instead I'm impressed!
jthorne Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Since then frequency of communication has increased. Do you think what she wrote could be interpreted as sort of a it's going to be hard to say goodbye? or is she reaching? Not sure how to read it.She wants to hold on to any hope of a future. Are you responding to all these communications? Be careful you are not giving her any hope. You're already having arguments. You're in the catbird seat to tell her it's over. BUT you have to be ready to back that up. Say your goodbyes and cut contact.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I think I am going to have to go dark and hope for the best. For some reason the gradual disappearing act I did 10 months ago is not going to work. We had a fight (via email) and she kind of broke things off for 45 minutes, then I get this... I love you. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry that I said what I said. It is hard for me and I dont think I've gotten over a lot of things from before. I'm mostly sorry that I might have hurt you. I want to be with you and be happy, I wish it weren't so hard. I wish there were easy solutions/answers. I dont know if I'll ever see you or hear from you again and that scares me. I think I made a rash decision because I thought it would just be easier, but it isn't. It hurts so much. I can't stop crying. I wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you, see you, feel you. I can't express the regret I have. I'm sorry to you and for myself. You are causing this person an incredible amount of pain. Completely cut it loose without looking back already! It's pretty evident she doesn't have the coping skills for this type of limited relationship, whether or not she consented. Any mature person can see that she is way over her head.
Author FL510 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 You are causing this person an incredible amount of pain. Completely cut it loose without looking back already! It's pretty evident she doesn't have the coping skills for this type of limited relationship, whether or not she consented. Any mature person can see that she is way over her head. Agreed. It's done.
Owl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Tell her clearly that it is over. Show her clearly that it is over by walking away, and putting up roadblocks to prevent casual contact from resuming (such as blocking her number and email addresses). If you're worried about her causing trouble as a result, tale proactive measures to mitigate her effectiveness in doing so (such as telling your wife about the affair on your terms, rather than letting OW spring it on her).
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Didn't you have enough discussion of this on your other lengthy thread?
Author FL510 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Didn't you have enough discussion of this on your other lengthy thread? Yep, sure did. Said my goodbyes, tried not to leave a door open and have become a ghost. If she makes a dumb move, she makes a dumb move. My parents have the kids all next week, so I figured the timing was right. Yes, I could tell my wife about everything, but tactically I'm not sure that is my best play at this time, because I have not even decided what to do about that train wreck yet. One massive catastrophe at a time. NC is proving to be unbelievably hard...really like withdrawal. Reminds me of when I quit smoking years ago, but x10.
Owl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 What active measures have you taken to prevent her from contacting you, or you from contacting her in a moment of weakness?
Author FL510 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 What active measures have you taken to prevent her from contacting you, or you from contacting her in a moment of weakness? Stop drinking for a while number one. Seriously, that seems to be the common denominator with me and caving in. Not that I am a massive alcoholic, but when I do excessively drink, I get weak/dumb. The email address used is gone. Thinking about changing my cell number but it is company issued and you all know how much of a huge pain that can be.... but if I think I need to I will.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Good, one thing down in the way of giving you a quality life with sone integrity. Take a small break in between step 2. Baby steps, or you'll get too overwhelmed.
fltc Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Thinking about changing my cell number but it is company issued and you all know how much of a huge pain that can be.... but if I think I need to I will. Most cell phones will allow you to block any caller, I use an app that allows calls from people in my contacts list ONLY. It should be no probem to block her.
Memphis Raines Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) Thanks. Their website their rules... just wondering as it was helpful for me... thats the problem, the person that was telling it like it is was either put on probation or banned because the unscrupulous didn't like what he had to say. the same people that don't like others coming in to "their" forum, but then come in to Infidelity and try to push themselves on us. Edited August 26, 2011 by Memphis Raines
Owl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 This shows IMO a basic misunderstanding of human nature. If there is an obsessive element in a relationship, and it sounds as if this girl is somewhat obsessed, it does no good to actively block her. That just stimulates the urgency of the obsession. What has to be done is to re-direct the focus of the obsession away from FL and onto someone else, or something else perhaps, because it is impossible for an individual to extinguish another person's obsessional personality tendencies (short of lots of therapy etc.) She can be likened to a heat seeking missile and he is the target. She can outrun and outturn him so he needs to fire off some "chaff." I could see that...but...how does FL accomplish the goal of foisting her off on someone else? Sure would hate to be the poor scapegoat that was targetted.
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