harri Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Applogies to those in the Second Chances forum but there's not much traffic there so I've posted my problem here too where it's busier... This site really helped through a horrible break up and now I've come through on the other side, healed and moved on. My ex dumped me one year ago. At first NC was the only way I could cope. 4 months ago I emailed him and we have been in contact since then. He met someone else very quickly and is still with her. I am dating a new guy whom I like very much but it's pretty much a fling, nothing serious. I haven't let on to my ex but over the last month I have had some feelings for him again. I think it's best for all to go back to NC so I told him that I thought we shouldn't see one another again for the sakes of our relationships. He became upset and said that he wanted me as a friend and if either of our partners didn't like it then they weren't right for us. I was shocked at his response and now I am thinking do I stand a second chance? As he is already in an established relationship it's not as if he's keeping me holding on just in case it doesn't work out, is he? Then why didn't he contact me in the six months after we broke up? Do you think the old feelings have come back and that I have a chance? I won't tell him how I feel unless I'm sure he feels the same way but how will I know as I do intend to stick to NC this time.
wilsonx Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Why would you want a second chance with someone that left you for another girl?
Author harri Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Why would you want a second chance with someone that left you for another girl? Hi! I know he didn't leave me for someone else because the girl he's with only moved to our city in January this year. They got together when she started working at my ex's firm so they got together two months after we broke up. I know other people at his firm who have confirmed this and I don't even know if I want to get back with him just if I should start thinking about it in case the option is there.
ConfusedT Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 WILSON- Thank you, good point. He left me for another girl and it is ONLY because it is so fresh that I would want him back & he seriously did some damage to me. Cuckoo =) Anyways, unless he is jumping through hoops and out of airplanes to show you he messed up and wants to make up for what he did, I wouldn't even bother. If you can be friends, great, but honestly, I am only friends with one of my ex's and that is because we ended it mutually and respectfully- not into the arms of someone else! & yes, you could possibly be the wing-woman in 2nd place in case that doesn't work, but why would you want to be someones OTHER choice instead of being their ONLY choice?
Author harri Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 OK I can see it makes sense to just forget it. I suppose what I'm wondering is why he was SO upset at the thought of NC again. He cried - yes only a little - but there were tears and he walked away. He's a grown man in his thirties, not some kid, and I NEVER saw him cry in the eight years we were together.
wilsonx Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Hi! I know he didn't leave me for someone else because the girl he's with only moved to our city in January this year. They got together when she started working at my ex's firm so they got together two months after we broke up. I know other people at his firm who have confirmed this and I don't even know if I want to get back with him just if I should start thinking about it in case the option is there. You are actually wrong, these people are emotionally immature and jump from one relationship to another. The typical time frame for starting the second relationship is 2 months. Thats when it becomes official but the building up to it began longer then that. Dont believe me, read the thread titles on this forum. "EX is already seeing someone 2 months after our breakup" They are all over the place. I suggest you read the "I am no longer attracted to you" thread in my signature and the GIGS thread for more informations
Nohbody Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 There is a good reason the second chances board doesn't see much traffic, I'm afraid.
Author harri Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 You are actually wrong, these people are emotionally immature and jump from one relationship to another. The typical time frame for starting the second relationship is 2 months. Thats when it becomes official but the building up to it began longer then that. Dont believe me, read the thread titles on this forum. "EX is already seeing someone 2 months after our breakup" They are all over the place. I suggest you read the "I am no longer attracted to you" thread in my signature and the GIGS thread for more informations OK I was going to insist on the NC a second time and this time for good anyway. I just wanted some opinions on why ex might have been so upset at the prospect. I know NC is for the best for both of us. Now I feel awful at the thought of him cheating on me as I honestly believed him when he said he never. I guess I'll never have the opportunity to ask him about it again as we're now officially NC!!
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