harri Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Hi This site really helped through a horrible break up and now I've come through on the other side, healed and moved on. My ex dumped me one year ago. At first NC was the only way I could cope. 4 months ago I emailed him and we have been in contact since then. He met someone else very quickly and is still with her. I am dating a new guy whom I like very much but it's pretty much a fling, nothing serious. I haven't let on to my ex but over the last month I have had some feelings for him again. I think it's best for all to go back to NC so I told him that I thought we shouldn't see one another again for the sakes of our relationships. He became upset and said that he wanted me as a friend and if either of our partners didn't like it then they weren't right for us. I was shocked at his response and now I am thinking do I stand a second chance? As he is already in an established relationship it's not as if he's keeping me holding on just in case it doesn't work out, is he? Then why didn't he contact me in the six months after we broke up? Do you think the old feelings have come back and that I have a chance? I won't tell him how I feel unless I'm sure he feels the same way but how will I know as I do intend to stick to NC this time.
Seraph1 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 He became upset and said that he wanted me as a friend and if either of our partners didn't like it then they weren't right for us. I think that NC is the only way to go. Getting back with an ex is always a 50/50 chance since you either do it or not. But I think that you may be reading too much into the above statement. He responded this way when you told him that you didn't want to be in contact with him... he is not saying that his partner isn't right for him, he is saying that if YOUR partner is telling you to get rid of him that YOUR partner isn't right for you. Selfish selfish selfish. This man sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to keep his new girl and keep you hanging around INCASE he decides that he wants you back. It's better for him if you don't have a bf because then it is clear that you are not moving on and that he can have you back whenever he wants. Don't put your life on hold for a man that is actively moving futher away from you by continuing and deepening his new relationship. He is keeping you from moving on with your life. Don't give him the power.
Nsweet Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Sounds to me like you two are ready to meet for coffee. Maybe after a few escelating conversations over the phone first so you establish the comfort level again. After all you both have partners so there won't be any pressure to have sex or even kiss. Now that your first contact has been established, maybe you can slowly build up intimacy in person through several "friend dates".
Author harri Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Sounds to me like you two are ready to meet for coffee. Maybe after a few escelating conversations over the phone first so you establish the comfort level again. After all you both have partners so there won't be any pressure to have sex or even kiss. Now that your first contact has been established, maybe you can slowly build up intimacy in person through several "friend dates". Hi We have already met up a few times, coffee, drinks in evening over the last few months. It's just that recently I felt the old feelings come back and decided NC would be best. I feel the 'intimacy' is built up at present and that is what is making me want NC again in case it's only a one-sided feeling. I can't just ask him straight out how he feels for fear of pushing him away again. So I suggested NC as it's 'healthier' but was not prepared for his response and him being upset at the prospect.
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