bluenightowl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Hi, I find this forum incredibly stimulating, but I've noticed there are many people on here with over 5000 posts. That's amazing and probably very helpful to the community. But I wonder if posting here is a bit like a security blanket after a while. Kinda like home. Do we graduate off it? or Maybe we don't need to graduate off it?
grkBoy Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) Some do, some don't. I actually came here near my "graduation" under a different name. Got tossed out when I wanted to talk about a dating site. I posted a link and it was labeled "spam". I won't do that again...but I will say it limits what we can converse about. I originally came on another website back in 2004...looking for the answers. I was a doormat nice guy who couldn't understand why women chase jerks and pass up guys who will be good to them. I got figuratively slapped around and shown the reality of the world. Eventually I "freed" myself of the pressures of dating and the pressures of "finding someone" that I put on myself. I've spoken of this many times so I won't go into details. Then I just happened to get introduced to Ms Right...by a friend. Social capital at its finest. Wasn't even looking anymore for anyone. Now I merely try to slap others who act like how I used to be with the hard reality that I was hit with. The reality that looks count, income counts...lifestyle, hobbies, interests, ambitions, attitude, social skills, location, etc...all that counts. Being a "good person" doesn't mean anything if you're bland, ugly, and insecure. I know this sounds shallow and harsh, and I might sound like that in other topics, but it's the hard truth I had to swallow and digest. I try to show that it's not hard to improve yourself, but you have to want it. I also try to show many more that love and dating and relationships aren't necessities of life. If your life is 90% about "finding someone", then it's an empty life, and it's no wonder those people get taken advantage of (women) or rejected continually (men). Life is about balance and being the best person you can be. "Accept me as I am" is the truth, but those who say it never seem to get that others can also choose to REJECT you because they don't like who you are, and thus they want someone else. Edited August 25, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author bluenightowl Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Some do, some don't. I actually came here near my "graduation" under a different name. Got tossed out when I wanted to talk about a dating site. I posted a link and it was labeled "spam". I won't do that again...but I will say it limits what we can converse about. I originally came on Askmen.com back in 2004...looking for the answers. I was a doormat nice guy who couldn't understand why women chase jerks and pass up guys who will be good to them. I got figuratively slapped around and shown the reality of the world. Eventually I "freed" myself of the pressures of dating and the pressures of "finding someone" that I put on myself. I've spoken of this many times so I won't go into details. Then I just happened to get introduced to Ms Right...by a friend. Social capital at its finest. Wasn't even looking anymore for anyone. Now I merely try to slap others who act like how I used to be with the hard reality that I was hit with. The reality that looks count, income counts...lifestyle, hobbies, interests, ambitions, attitude, social skills, location, etc...all that counts. Being a "good person" doesn't mean anything if you're bland, ugly, and insecure. I know this sounds shallow and harsh, and I might sound like that in other topics, but it's the hard truth I had to swallow and digest. I try to show that it's not hard to improve yourself, but you have to want it. I also try to show many more that love and dating and relationships aren't necessities of life. If your life is 90% about "finding someone", then it's an empty life, and it's no wonder those people get taken advantage of (women) or rejected continually (men). Life is about balance and being the best person you can be. "Accept me as I am" is the truth, but those who say it never seem to get that others can also choose to REJECT you because they don't like who you are, and thus they want someone else. This is now off topic, but my biggest revelation in dating is to say no, to reject. Nice guys also agree with everything. Respect comes from being yourself, and to be yourself, you are going to have to at some point stand up to what you believe is right for you. That might include ditching a beautiful woman, but do it if you need to.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 It has become a security blanket for me and often a way to avoid my own issues. But oftentimes too some poster slaps me with a cod and I get back to my life.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 It has become a security blanket for me and often a way to avoid my own issues. But oftentimes too some poster slaps me with a cod and I get back to my life. ah ha. Maybe people need LS breaks then (sorry LS). Personally, I've only been here recently, but I find writing and responding quite a lot of fun, and I've learned a lot, but I think I will soon disconnect from this great community and stand on my own two feet so to speak. The more I am here, the more my thoughts gravitate towards thinking about relationships and I'm a guy for heavens sake!!! Time to think about other things in my life, but I've learned so much from this community and I think LS is doing us a great favour. Another thought is I wonder if a real professional therapist could match a service like this. To me hearing stories from real people is better.
CarrieT Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 But I wonder if posting here is a bit like a security blanket after a while. Kinda like home. Do we graduate off it? or Maybe we don't need to graduate off it? I graduated off several years ago for almost two years and just recently returned.
serial muse Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Many longtime posters do tend to come and go. I was on hiatus for a year or so, most recently. Part of what brings me back is curiosity about the lives of those I've come to know through their words...you do wonder how peoples' stories have unfolded. It's a nice touchstone. And, of course, there are always new wrinkles in life. I originally came here years ago because my exH had cheated and I was looking for people in the same boat. But that feels like long-ago and far-away now. I rarely go in the infidelity forums anymore because it doesn't feel so relevant to my current story; instead, I come pondering a whole new set of thoughts and questions about relationships that are unrelated to infidelity.
carhill Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 LS is the third forum where my post totals are over 20K. It's the only forum dealing with interepersonal relationships I post on. All the others are interest-related or where I am the forum owner. I've been involved in forums practically since the beginning of the commercial internet, back in the BBS and newsgroup era. When one lives relatively remote from human population, one finds other means to 'connect'. LS turned out to be relatively inexpensive (the subscription as about 2 bucks a month) adjunct 'therapy' to the professional therapy (MC) we were receiving when I found LS. It's been really beneficial, as well as a place to meet new and different people, some IRL. Most people have wide variety and type of 'friends' in life and I consider LS amongst those. Something for everyone.
Almond_Joy Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Hi, I find this forum incredibly stimulating, but I've noticed there are many people on here with over 5000 posts. That's amazing and probably very helpful to the community. But I wonder if posting here is a bit like a security blanket after a while. Kinda like home. Do we graduate off it? or Maybe we don't need to graduate off it? I found that really amazing too, when I first signed up. But after a couple weeks, I undrstood why. This is a really good online forum, and I do think that as you go in and out of phases in your life, so does your involvement in this community. I started in the Coping forum. now I'm mostly in the dating forum, but even so I only really want to visit once a week or so. Once I get used to dating, I doubt I'll be back here until I've got another problem lol.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 LS is the third forum where my post totals are over 20K. It's the only forum dealing with interepersonal relationships I post on. All the others are interest-related or where I am the forum owner. I've been involved in forums practically since the beginning of the commercial internet, back in the BBS and newsgroup era. When one lives relatively remote from human population, one finds other means to 'connect'. LS turned out to be relatively inexpensive (the subscription as about 2 bucks a month) adjunct 'therapy' to the professional therapy (MC) we were receiving when I found LS. It's been really beneficial, as well as a place to meet new and different people, some IRL. Most people have wide variety and type of 'friends' in life and I consider LS amongst those. Something for everyone. LS makes me wonder if the whole therapy industry needs an overhaul. I think many people do amazing work, but I've seen people who just listen and say yes. LS by comparison is doing a great service that is near free.
carhill Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Like members on LS, professional therapists range far and wide in education, style and practice. To me, it's about 'fit'. I wanted tools and clarity and needed a proactive and assertive therapist who had those assets to bring to the table. We were fortunate that the MC we were referred to by one of my ex-wife's clients, a psychologist herself, had those assets. For someone else, he might have been a bad fit. He definitely swung a lot of challenge with the support, and like the LS archives don't lie, his memory was like a steel trap. If anything, I wish (and do recommend on occasion) that some members who repeatedly return with the same issues would find a properly matched professional to work through them with. Having that face-to-face IRL interaction with a mental health professional is something no forum can possible match, IMO. We have our place and it's valuable but not a panacea. The downside of spending a lot of time here, at least with my psychology, is that I have to guard against slipping into 'therapist' mode IRL. It's OK to be a loving friend, but people should work their 'stuff' out on their own or with a professional. My job is remembering that. Work in progress
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Hi, I find this forum incredibly stimulating, but I've noticed there are many people on here with over 5000 posts. That's amazing and probably very helpful to the community. But I wonder if posting here is a bit like a security blanket after a while. Kinda like home. Do we graduate off it? or Maybe we don't need to graduate off it? I've only been here about a year (little more, I think) but I have loads of posts. (I talk a lot. True in life, true online.) Will I ever stop? Well, I disappear at times when I get busy, so sure, if I get too busy permanently. All depends on my workload and life. Lately, I usually am on here at work, when there's no actual work to do --- I work for a nonprofit at the moment, and, unfortunately, my job is highly reactionary. It goes through more busy or proactive periods, when you may notice I'm not around. It's as good a message forum as any to waste time on and one of the few I bother to read. I've actually learned from writing here, learned about myself and others.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Yep, me too. I am going to finish with the threads I am on and them limit my posting for a bit. I need to go take some of my own advice for awhile
Feelin Frisky Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 It's better than TV and I've made friends. I love one of 'em. You know who you are.
Nexus One Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 It's better than TV and I've made friends. I love one of 'em. You know who you are. Yeah I know who I am, I love you too Frisky.
zengirl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Yeah I know who I am, I love you too Frisky. Aw, a classic tale of man love.
Nexus One Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Aw, a classic tale of man love. Loveshack Mountain.
Lil1 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Can I be the meat between your manwich?! Haha! Totally just joking. Don't wanna come in between a bromance! I discovered LS after my ex left me for greener grass (literally) and have found myself enamored with this community. It gets frustrating at times when you se the same people come back again and again with the same issues as carhill pointed out but it's been overall just a great learning tool and a place where I can come to for good advice and entertainment!
iris219 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 One of the reasons I’m drawn to LS is because I get to be completely different here than I am in RL. I can be a whiny, neurotic little girl on LS, whereas I’m never this way is RL. In RL no one knows that being single makes me unhappy and lonely at times. People who know me would be surprised to learn this. I’m the one who has everything together. It’s a release from the strong, emotionally balanced person I am in RL. I love how helpful and supportive LSers have been with my problems (which are sometimes dumb, I’ll admit) and the problems of others. I know we all have lives outside the internet, so I’m impressed that this group takes the time to try and help strangers improve and feel better about their lives. I’ve learned a lot from other posters’ advice and experiences. On the negative side, LS makes me think too much about relationships (lack of, in my case) and this sometimes makes me want to take some off, which I think I might do...soon...maybe.
Disillusioned Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Hi, I find this forum incredibly stimulating, but I've noticed there are many people on here with over 5000 posts. That's amazing and probably very helpful to the community. But I wonder if posting here is a bit like a security blanket after a while. Kinda like home. Do we graduate off it? or Maybe we don't need to graduate off it? It's entertainment, man! The sheer idiocy of some of the posts I read on LS is enough to make me roffle. To me it's proof evolution is reversible!
2sunny Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 this place gives insight for many situations. i have grown to admire many posters here through the years. it helped me when i was in crisis many years back... it only seems right to help others who may need suggestions to improve their life as well.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Yeah I know who I am, I love you too Frisky. I knew I should have wrote "no homo" next to my post. (I don't know if you remember that from last year but it was a gas.)
Feelin Frisky Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Aw, a classic tale of man love. Hey, now :D:D She knows who she is, tyvm.
Taramere Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Hi, I find this forum incredibly stimulating, but I've noticed there are many people on here with over 5000 posts. That's amazing and probably very helpful to the community. But I wonder if posting here is a bit like a security blanket after a while. Kinda like home. Do we graduate off it? or Maybe we don't need to graduate off it? This is the second account I've had on LS...and in total I probably have a post count of around 11,000. Which is a pretty sobering thought, but I enjoy writing and this has been a good outlet. It's probably a security blanket, but no more than going to the same shop regularly because you've got to know the people there. As far as graduating off it goes, I'm definitely reading and posting less recently. Partly because of the spam but also because I feel a lot less connected with posters here than I used to. A lot of my old favourites have gone, or post less. Suddenly it's like going to an old haunt, seeing a lot of strangers and thinking "I don't belong here any more." I think that's how most people end up drifting away from it. Just in much the same way that you would drift away from most things eventually.
Sanman Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 You know, I came here about a year ago to get advice on a possible open relationship with an ex-gf and kind of just never left. I generally find that the forums are a great place to discuss dating and generally think about life. It makes for good discussion fodder with friends as well and I love a good debate. Also, at my job I need to be supportive of others and generally nicer than I am id they have problems. Here, I can often give people the slap in the face wake up call I wish I could during the day. This place has the most posts I have ever accumulated on a single site and I still have not cracked 1,000.
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