SilverBlueAndGold Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Ok I know how pathetic this sounds, and have seen the same thing time and time again and wondered how people could be so weak. Yet here I am. In a relationship with a lot of red flags, few common interests, tense moments, not seeing a future and just cannot bring myself to have that conversation. Every day I have it in my head but when we get together it is forgotten. Then it comes back around again. I know I am afraid; afraid of being alone, afraid of her finding someone else, afraid of everything. If I had a friend telling me this I would probably slap him and say "Shut up and be a man for cryin out loud!". So I am perfectly aware of how absurd this looks. We are not spring chickens either so you would think both of us know better. And I suspect she is thinking the same thing, yet we keep slogging this out day after day. We are both very insecure, every missed text is some sort of hidden message. Every hesitation in conversation is suspect, the most innocent question is met with suspicion. It's really quite exhausting. HELP!
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 There are no rules to love it. I believe it is a choice and people can work to improve it too. Sorry I'm not much help today.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 There are no rules to love it. I believe it is a choice and people can work to improve it too. Sorry I'm not much help today. This is a bit of a surprise; I was expecting nothing but "What are you waiting for you wanker!" And just to prove how wishy washy I am, this thought is already going through my head.
Finch Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Well SBG, you already know what you need to do. There are some times when a relationship is worth working on, and there are times when it is not. Not every relationship can be saved, and not every one is worth saving. This is sad, but unfortunately true. Only you can decide which category yours falls into, but it sounds like you already know. Once you consistently have that heavy-as-lead feeling in your stomach, and once the relationship starts to feel like walking through waist-high mud, it's time to look at ending it. And the fact that you're regularly having the "ending it" conversation in your head shows that you're already mentally preparing for it. The fears you have are fears that everyone faces. The prospect of being alone, and the thought of the other person finding someone else are ones that weigh down the ending of any relationship, but they cannot be what convinces you stay. Remaining in a relationship in which you are unhappy, simply because you are afraid of being alone, is not going to make you happy. You may post-pone the larger immediate sadness of being on your own, but in trade you remain living, day to day, in a relationship that is causing you consistent, everyday unhappiness.
April72 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Breaking up is hard to do even when you want it and know it's right. All I can say is the longer you drag it out the harder it will be.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Once you consistently have that heavy-as-lead feeling in your stomach, and once the relationship starts to feel like walking through waist-high mud, it's time to look at ending it. And the fact that you're regularly having the "ending it" conversation in your head shows that you're already mentally preparing for it. Wow you just described it pefectly, right down to the stomach thing. That is where I am at now...going back and forth between "This is just wasting time" and "Maybe we can salvage this, am I being unrealistic here?"
phillyfan Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Dude sit down rite now n write her an email, tell her it aint workin n that u 2 'need 2 talk', then shes knows wats comin, and uve done it. Dont evn think about it do it rite now, then its ova. Then go start livin ur freakin life cos rite now u r wastin it!!
FeelingSmall Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 It sounds like it's time to put things to rest. End things and let yourself, and her move on. You are definitely wasting time sitting around quietly hoping things will get better and feelings will return. You either have to be proactively trying to fix things, which means telling her exactly how you feel and figuring out exactly what needs to happen to change that. OR you need to end things right now and walk away. It's not fair to either of you to waste another moment on someone who just isn't what you want. Good luck.
bluenightowl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Ok I know how pathetic this sounds, and have seen the same thing time and time again and wondered how people could be so weak. Yet here I am. In a relationship with a lot of red flags, few common interests, tense moments, not seeing a future and just cannot bring myself to have that conversation. Every day I have it in my head but when we get together it is forgotten. Then it comes back around again. I know I am afraid; afraid of being alone, afraid of her finding someone else, afraid of everything. If I had a friend telling me this I would probably slap him and say "Shut up and be a man for cryin out loud!". So I am perfectly aware of how absurd this looks. We are not spring chickens either so you would think both of us know better. And I suspect she is thinking the same thing, yet we keep slogging this out day after day. We are both very insecure, every missed text is some sort of hidden message. Every hesitation in conversation is suspect, the most innocent question is met with suspicion. It's really quite exhausting. HELP! Dude, end it, then go No Contact. Be strong and be a man. Then watch your life change for the better.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Ok, looks like I need to just bite the bullet here. It's hard because every time I think I have my mind made up I get a text or email or something and feel like a douche bag.
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