GG3 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I read a few people posting that it turns them off if a woman tries to plan something - as in they always like to lead. If you have been dating someone for a while, do you still always expect to lead? At one point would it not turn you off if the woman took the reigns a little? And how is a woman supposed to get some of her needs met (wanting to do certain things) without occasionally making the plans?
Professor X Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I read a few people posting that it turns them off if a woman tries to plan something - as in they always like to lead. Really? Where? I'd like to see it because I've never heard of something like that.
rafallus Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Nor did I. And I don't agree - proactiveness can be very sexy in females too. Just don't mix it with being domineering, which is a turn off (unless for insecure people, maybe).
sweetypielovely Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Im a female and i like to lead and plan things a lot. I dont see anything wrong with it.
somethingsimple Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Yeah, I don't mind when females lead and plan to do something. Actually, I prefer it. When you mention something like having her "needs" met. What do you actually mean? If it means, your planning to do something you want to do and something I really don't have an interest in. Then yeah, that might be a problem, but casually in something we both enjoy, great. For instance, "hey, i bought us tickets to a concert with an artist we both really like". Great! Then something along the lines of buying tickets to a concert with a particular artist I dislike, I'll probably feel dragged along.
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I don't get the "needs met" thing perse. If I want to do something with the BF, I ask him, but I'm not sure that would constitute leading (more sharing), and if he wants to do something, he says the same for me. If either of us are unenthused, unless it's a reasonable expectation for the other one to suck it up and come anyway (a work function, a wedding, something where your mate is reasonably expected to be your date, etc), we just don't do it together. I'm not into dragging someone places, and neither is he. I've taken the lead at times, and fellas don't seem to mind. But I think a good relationship is where it's hard to see who's leading and who's following. (Much like a good improv scene, ironically. Not that anyone here gets that probably, unless others have taken improv classes/done improv onstage.)
Imajerk17 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) I like to feel masculine and in control, but I also like to feel taken care of occasionally. I once went to visit a girl I was dating. I planned most of the weekend and the whole weekend, I did the driving, even though I wasn't that familiar with her city. When we go to the airport for me to leave (and her to send me off), it turns out that my flight was cancelled(!). I was willing to settle for an acceptable reschedule until this girl took over. What a savvy negotiator! She got me a voucher. I just stood back and watched her do her thing with the airline agent and I was thoroughly impressed. Why should I have felt bad or emasculated? I led all weekend. After that, I appreciated having her go to bat like that for me. Now if she always stepped forward like that it would have been a problem. But in context with how everything else went, I was very appreciative. Edited August 25, 2011 by Imajerk17
somedude81 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I would be nice if the girl planned things every once in a while. It's a great sign of her showing interest.
phineas Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 i'm horrible at finding things to do. Women have the social network. Their always forwarding cool things to each other. Men don't do that. Unless it's a stag or free wing night with football at a bar.
AlexDP Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 a guy who can't lead is a guy who will remain single. True. But at times it's rather exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind, but it would be cool not having to lead once in a while.
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