blakjak Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 We have not spoken in a month and a half (broke up around 3/4 months ago). Recently, her and I have started emailing each other with surprising frequencey. She's really interested in what I have been doing with my life during my silence. She even asked me if i was seeing or was into any girls at present!! Now... I don't want to jump the gun.... But are these hints she still likes me? I mean... Last time we spoke(via email of course).... It was not the most pleasant of conversations....(she made me cry lol) Thoughts/opinions oh mighty love board?
janbaz Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 She is asking about the presence of any other girl in your life. Have you asked what she was doing when she was on break up with you for these 3 to 4 months? Beware, she made you cry once.
Author blakjak Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Of course I asked. She has lost her job most unfortunately. She is working on finishing her bachelor degree... Hoping to still get into law school once that is over... Other than that I do not know. I did not dwelve too much.
Frank13 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 She is asking so when you say "no", she can feel good about moving on. Women are attracted to men who other women desire. She lost her job. Maybe she is just looking for you to support her. Tell her you are seeing someone else and watch her go ape $hit. My ex didn't give a crap about me until another girl entered the picture.
Chi townD Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 She is asking so when you say "no", she can feel good about moving on. Women are attracted to men who other women desire. She lost her job. Maybe she is just looking for you to support her. Tell her you are seeing someone else and watch her go ape $hit. My ex didn't give a crap about me until another girl entered the picture. agreed, to a point. Another thing is why they ask if they're seeing someone is to ease their own guilt of seeing someone else. If he was seeing a girl, then she wouldn't feel bad about the guy she's see because now they're both moving on and she was justified in the break up because they're both in new relationships and they can still be "such cool friends!"
EgoJoe Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I know it's hard to "predict" how someone will react even if you think you know them. I would ignore the question and also the last email for a few weeks.
Author blakjak Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 I never answered the question. I simply asked why do you ask? She responded that she was curious, and that I was probably curious too. I only said maybe I'm curious, maybe I'm not. Mind you, all this dialogue took place a couple of days ago. Furthermore, I did not include all of the dialogue. There was alot of playful banter. I'm not waiting around for her. And there are women interested in me. However, I quite like being single. I have no strong desire to repeat the 'relationship pattern'. a) meet a girl b) exposition c) honeymoon period d) mundanity e)friction begins f) friction becomes aggravating g) breakup h) repeat with different woman lol. It might sound pessimistic.... However, this young woman was the only person that I have dated that things might have been different (i felt it at the bottom of my heart) The main cause of the problems between us was because I had to leave the country for school. Which.... caused stupid behavior on both sides(mostly mine) I am back in a year... thinking for all intents and purposes this woman is glad to be rid of me and bonking loads of lads. But... her getting in contact with me on her own... And seemingly enjoying our re-opened communication... even being so audacious to ask if i am seeing someone else... Makes me think the situation might not be as bleak as i orginally thought.
Nsweet Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 My wife asked the same questions after the first initial NC period. Frequent phone calls and emails after that led me to believe she was interested Ina relationship, and I persued too soon. I didn't ruin things for good though, just set back my progress a little. While CONSTRUCTIVE JEALOUSY can be used once and a while to help spike interest in you. A full on relationship with the intent of manipulating the new partner in order to make the ex jealous is just cruel. Not to mention that you could lose both options or partners, especially if they're women. I've been able to re-establish NC, this time without any warning, and have a few tips for once you start communication again. The things you need to keep in mind are relative to the balance of control, only in the beginning. Things like, -Jealousy/Envy -Manipulation -Missed or unreturned calls -Loaded questions -"I love you, but I'm not in love with you" -"do you love me...." -Etc. Now you may see a pattern forming with all of these red flags and you are correct. Each of these ploys is an attempt to get you to chase her so she can feel good about her decision to breakup. All you have to do to avoid these traps is "man up!". -Don't chase her -Don't call more than once a week -Don't answer the phone right away, let it ring and get back to her 5-15 min later. -Don't ask about the relationship period. If she wants to talk about it shut up and listen. Agree with her side of how you used to act. After all you should have and be changing for the better. -Don't let her get you upset at all. Even if she says something she knows will cut you to the bone, keep it shut and walk away. -Beyond all stay wonderful! You're going to always know when she is asking those baited questions like, "Are you single?". Every one of these little $hit tests has three possible responses, positive, negative, and neutral. In any case even if she's screaming "I never loved you!". All you have to do is keep your calm, think positive, and give her the highest value response you can. In this case she would just be looking for a fight to help ease her guilt and can be disarmed with a calm response of "I'm sorry you feel that way. We will talk later when you're feeling better". It's all about not giving the other person control over your feelings. Here's a helpful list to help with limited contact without chasing. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=037270;p=0
Author blakjak Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I will do. As much as I despire it... I am going to play it cool for the time being. At some point within the next year she is going to come visit me in London all the way from America.... Once she's on my home turf I plan to to be a bit more aggressive... I even plan to take her on a surprise trip to Paris.... Til then... I will take my own advice and the general advice found on these boards... Keep calm. Act chill. Don't chase. Let things happen naturally. God this sucks lol.
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