padpanic Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Alright, so this story is long and complex and I wanted to be thorough, so try to bear with. And yes those are fake names... Last May I met this girl (Katie) in one of my classes while working on a project with her, my best friend (John) and his girlfriend (Jane). During this time, I noticed Katie and I had a lot in common and that I might want to date her. However, a mere 3 weeks later, the end of the semester came and she left for Europe on an academic trip. However, when she came back, she had a boyfriend with a guy she had gone on the trip with. At first, I thought I should give up. But, then, on my birthday, John organised a surprise get together with a number of my friends, as well as Katie (whom he invited because he was aware of my interest). So as the night when on we quickly hit it off, to the point where another friend of mine stated there was very clear chemistry. This is when I decided I would pursue her despite her being “involved”, as I figured the relationship would quickly fail and that I should have something to work from when it did. The next week, John, Jane, Katie and I went to a club. While things were a little cold at first, things warmed up as time went on and we ended up dancing together (close, with touching, but not anything really “sexual”). The following week-end, we followed up by going to the casino. This time, her “boyfriend” tagged along, so we were apart for most of the time there. However, he quickly started losing big and left in frustration. With just the four of us left (and not wanting to lose my winnings) I proposed going to a Hookah café to relax. Once we got there, we hit off again. We joked around, there was some flirting etc. Enough that had she not been in a relationship I would have made a move. For the next two weeks we didn’t go out because of incompatible schedules. So here is where it gets tricky: During this time, this between her and her bf started to sour and they eventually broke up last Friday. The next day, I got a call from John late at night asking if I wanted to meet up with him and Katie (he'd been filing in as chief confidant since Jane was unavailable). So we hung out for two hours or so. We had fun and as usual, John kinda faded into the background leaving me and Katie mostly alone. And the more their relationship fell apart, I found myself having more and more trouble connecting with Katie and getting her interested to the point where she almost ignores me at times (like today John and I were together at school and he suggested I text her to invite her out with us to go see a show with us. My conversation lasted 30 minutes, his, 6 hours). While I can appreciate the fact that this is probably just because I have strived to(and have mostly succeeded in) keep a healthy distance to avoid the dreaded friendzone and therefore am probably not the go-to person for her personal problems, I can’t help but think this is a bad sign, since this seems to extend beyond that. Granted, it might just be the heartbreak/depression... but I don't know... So the problem is this: I'd love to ask her out, but not only does John tell me to wait while everyone tells me to go for it, the initial spark seems to have faded. What should I do ? Should I risk it ? Should I wait ? Basically, if i want to eventually ask her out, what should be my next move ? If clarifications are needed please ask.
Author padpanic Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Bump! Come on no one's got any advice ?
somethingsimple Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I would wait. She just broke up with her bf, dude. Give her some time, it's respectful and plus you don't want to deal with her emotions if you do get in a relationship. If you eventually want to ask her out, your next move is just be the way you were before. If she comes to you for emotional support be supportive. Chances are she already knows that you friends were already playing matchmaker. You're kinda coming off as needy, just play it cool. If she likes you and you like her, things will play out.
Author padpanic Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 I would wait. She just broke up with her bf, dude. Give her some time, it's respectful and plus you don't want to deal with her emotions if you do get in a relationship. If you eventually want to ask her out, your next move is just be the way you were before. If she comes to you for emotional support be supportive. Chances are she already knows that you friends were already playing matchmaker. You're kinda coming off as needy, just play it cool. If she likes you and you like her, things will play out. Yeah that's pretty much what I figured, I just kinda needed someone to confirm It's just that the change of behavior kinda freaked me out, mainly of because how sudden it was. But, from your response, I take it you think it's probably nothing to worry about yet right ? Oh and just for the record, while I am terribly needy, I'm also very well aware of how this is a massive turn-off to women. Therefore, while I may freak out privately, I don't act on it and text/message/call her all the time . Basically every once in a while, when I have a valid pretext, I'll text her or something, and not insist (so if, for example, there is no answer I don't even text a second time). The irritating thing was more the fact that John gets more of her time now than me, and while I have no right to be jealous or to get upset, it still bothers me. However, I don't actually voice this irritation, so I guess that's the best way to deal with it, no ? Others have anything to add ?
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