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Commitment-Phobe girl....6 months and she still wont commit....do I break it off?

Ron Mexico

By Ron Mexico
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Ron Mexico Member

Ron Mexico

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Ive been seeing this girl for around 6 months, late feb until now. We spend all our free time together, have great sex, she tells me I get her off like nobody else has before. She works wed,thurs,fri,sat in the bar industry and sun,mon,tues she's free and spends the nights with me going on dates. We get together everyday when I get off work to go workout and grab a bite, she basically spends all her free time with me. She doesn't get along with her roommate and has only lived in our town about a year so she only has 2-3 close friends.

 

Anyways, this weekend I was laying on the couch and she was in the bathroom and her phone buzzed and it was a text from a guy saying he wanted her to send him pics. She told me it was some guy she met at work and he's been bugging her to go out and she always gave him excuses. Anyways this morning her phone buzzed while we were asleep I looked on the ground and it was a text from same guy verifying her address to pick her up for a date....

 

So tonight I tried to have a relationship talk with her and I know her past abt her bf that beat her and another guy she thought was a good guy then ended up being a drug dealer she didnt know about and got 30 years, so she doesnt trust men.She was raised by her grandma bc her parents abandoned her at birth and now she basically takes care of her grandma and 26 year old sister and her sisters 3 kids bc they need financial help....she's a great person.. She told me she's messed up and she feels she should hurt guys before they hurt her but she always tells me how much she likes me and is always with me and doesnt sleep with anyone else but making things official scares her and she wants her options open

 

Im a good guy but Im tired of games, I care about her immensely but 6 months is enough time isnt it? I mean she blew this guy off bc i caught her lying red-handed but otherwise they wouldve gone on a date tonight......

 

What do I do, I want her but she wont commit....fyi she's 28 nearly 29, hasnt had a relationship in 4 years almost even though shes drop dead gorgeous, not a kid and says we're still "young" for relationships..

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wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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Ive been seeing this girl for around 6 months, late feb until now. We spend all our free time together, have great sex, she tells me I get her off like nobody else has before. She works wed,thurs,fri,sat in the bar industry and sun,mon,tues she's free and spends the nights with me going on dates. We get together everyday when I get off work to go workout and grab a bite, she basically spends all her free time with me. She doesn't get along with her roommate and has only lived in our town about a year so she only has 2-3 close friends.

 

Anyways, this weekend I was laying on the couch and she was in the bathroom and her phone buzzed and it was a text from a guy saying he wanted her to send him pics. She told me it was some guy she met at work and he's been bugging her to go out and she always gave him excuses. Anyways this morning her phone buzzed while we were asleep I looked on the ground and it was a text from same guy verifying her address to pick her up for a date....

 

So tonight I tried to have a relationship talk with her and I know her past abt her bf that beat her and another guy she thought was a good guy then ended up being a drug dealer she didnt know about and got 30 years, so she doesnt trust men.She was raised by her grandma bc her parents abandoned her at birth and now she basically takes care of her grandma and 26 year old sister and her sisters 3 kids bc they need financial help....she's a great person.. She told me she's messed up and she feels she should hurt guys before they hurt her but she always tells me how much she likes me and is always with me and doesnt sleep with anyone else but making things official scares her and she wants her options open

 

Im a good guy but Im tired of games, I care about her immensely but 6 months is enough time isnt it? I mean she blew this guy off bc i caught her lying red-handed but otherwise they wouldve gone on a date tonight......

 

What do I do, I want her but she wont commit....fyi she's 28 nearly 29, hasnt had a relationship in 4 years almost even though shes drop dead gorgeous, not a kid and says we're still "young" for relationships..

 

Ok, you need to stop and start thinking to yourself, how many redflags are there in this post. Reread what you typed to me and tell me what you see.

moodoo Established Member

moodoo

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Interesting..what would you do then?

Gettingtired Established Member

Gettingtired

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Either tell her how you would like/want it to be or bin her mate.

 

Other than that if you're willing to waste your time on someone who "wants to keep their options open", go for it....

Ajax Established Member

Ajax

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She told me she's messed up and she feels she should hurt guys before they hurt her

 

So is it just me, or do these statements contradict each other? regardless, she may be great to some people in her life, and lousy to others.

 

Take it from a guy who was in a commitment-phobic relationship, it ends badly and you don't win. I made the mistake of thinking I would be the guy who my commitment-phobic ex would stay with, but no matter how much she said she loved me, spent time with me, and made future plans with me, her anxiety over commitment won out.

 

But that's just my case. In your case, it's pretty clear that your girlfriend is willing to cheat on you if she can get away with it. It's only a matter of time before she does.

 

I think you really know what has to happen here, or you wouldn't be asking.

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Ron Mexico Member

Ron Mexico

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so are you all suggesting there is no fix for this and I should just leave her? I dont know how she feels but I can understand if someone grew up with parents that left them then boyfriends that beat them they may not be easy with trusting anyone......but it has been 6 months already and we're basically exculsive

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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Better to walk away now at 6 months then her walk away from you at 6 years.

 

Look, you are going to experience hurt like no other if you enter a relationship with her. And I will tell you something, if you NC her for a week -> month, she will come to you and say, Ok I think we should make it official but the guys and the dates wont ever stop. Watch. NC her hard, dont even tell her what you are doing.

 

You right now are her caretaker. You really need to leave this relationship whatever it is and find someone better. This is bad, and I mean really bad.

 

Extremely broken family, dated a drug dealer, works in the bar industry, goes out on dates with other guys while you have feelings for her. Bail

Ajax Established Member

Ajax

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Posted
I dont know how she feels but I can understand if someone grew up with parents that left them then boyfriends that beat them they may not be easy with trusting anyone......but it has been 6 months already and we're basically exclusive

 

Yeah, you're "basically" exclusive, except for the fact that "you don't know how she feels" and apparently her idea of being exclusive means she can still set up dates with other men.

 

I mean she blew this guy off bc i caught her lying red-handed but otherwise they wouldve gone on a date tonight......

 

Yeah. You guys are basically exclusive.

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