has anyone else tried to start a relationship while they are at their worst?

[purplehouse]

Hi i am in a very new relationship with a great guy. We used to work together and got in touch online and instantly began dating. The problem is i am going through some major self esteem issues due to an eating disorder.

 

I pretty much hate myself and even though i decided to go forward with him and try to fake it til i make it so to speak its starting to get harder now because feelings are developing from his side and yet i am not allowing myself to feel too much and i believe this is affecting the progress of our relationship.

 

If i didn't have the issues i am dealing with and was still the same girl i was a year ago i am sure things would be different. I have put off seeing him a couple of times, because of how i feel about myself.

 

I told him about my disordered eating and low self esteem and he said he wants to support me through it as he has been falling hard for me. Now i know that sounds like a dream come true but it doesn't change what i go through on a daily basis and so my walls are somewhat up. When we are lying on the couch watching a movie its perfect but before i see him again i spend a day or two talking myself out of it so that i don't have to be out of my comfort zone.

 

Really i should be excited to see him! But i dread it only because of how i feel about myself.

 

Anyway i don't know what to do. He would be pretty upset if i ended things but i just don't know if i can put my all into this when i am dealing with my issues.

 

Plus i do really like him and i know it would be so different if i was the confident girl i was.

[Cee]

I have an eating disorder (binge eating & exercise bulimia) and I was single when I got treatment. The thought of dating while hating myself sounded perfectly awful to me. But the majority of the women in treatment had boyfriends. All of the women who were younger than 25 ended up breaking up with them after awhile. But they were young and probably would have broken up anyway. It's normal to date different people while young.

 

One woman who was 32 had a partner (another woman) and their relationship survived treatment. But the sense I got from her is that the relationship was mature and serious. It's been 3 years since treatment and she and her girlfriend own a home together and seem happy.

 

I suggest that you listen to your instincts. You aren't that into this guy so set him free. And set yourself free by getting treatment. I swear to you that the success rate is very high. I can't say that your disorder will ever go away, but you'll obtain new tools to cope with your life. And your self-esteem will rise.

 

I suggest you go to something-fishy.org - that web site is amazing. It has a treatment finder, articles and a message board. That site saved my life and it is well organized and very caring. They know their stuff over there.

 

Good luck with your eating disorder. Mine comes and goes, but I'm so much healthier now.