lovesickmonkey Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Does this have to go on and on and on and on? It seems like it happened three days ago and it's been three and a half months. And yet, more and more, it seems like our relationship never happened. It seems like some surreal, two-year departure from my regular life into utter bliss. And then just as fast I got slammed back into reality, with a bloody nose from her so there's no mistaking that it's over. This pain continues and continues. It seems more acute than before. I think I was numb about some things for awhile and the Novocaine is wearing off. I thought I could stay mad at her forever but that's wearing off and now I see her as more of a pathetic, naive little girl. And all I had to do was decide to not contact her again and ... darn it, she's going along with it. Not a word from her. Not a word of explanation, of apology, of acknowledgment that what she did during the last six months of our time together was ridiculous in light of her leaving me in May. This silence in my life is all-encompassing and absolute. It disturbs me that I ever tolerated being this alone. That I put up with unringing-phones and empty inboxes, let alone an empty house. I am coming and going wholly unnoticed. The family that I had last summer: her mother, father, step-father, two twin sisters, three dogs, three cats, plus our new dog ... they're all gone. Summer at the shore is now me sitting at home in the sweltering heat, feeling brain damaged. I know the trauma caused by this is technically brain damage, since it is physiologically indistinguishable. So this whining is pathetic but that's why this site is here, right? The pain goes on for much longer than I or probably many of you ever imagined. I had a date tonight with a breathtaking, funny, smart woman. But of course, my head's on wrong and she probably noticed. I hate, hate, hate this part of my life. Some day it will all pay off, this suffering, but for now I wish it was in the past. I want to be unconscious.
Nohbody Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 We are all the walking wounded. We cope at the rate we can manage, but the ultimate end-state is the same - a better life for all of us. If the former significant others want to weedle in here and there so be it. This is hard, and it is painful, and we are all our own worst critics. I thank my lucky stars I found this site and have been able to contribute to it as I have. ever piece of advice i give teaches me something about me and my condition of misery and how I can escape this condition. So it is. Let the floodgates open and the tide of enlightened self interest break upon the rocks as they do our bones and our hearts. Forever moving forward.
Diatribes Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I find what helps me, recently, is focusing on the bad they did to you. It was almost like a wake up call for me. Life is too short. If you're hurting because you got screwed over in a relationship, realize there's someone out there that won't do you like that. You're going to look back upon this one day and realize you've wasted time. I say this from experience, dealing with past ex's.
Author lovesickmonkey Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Thanks Nohbody and Diatribes. Diatribes, I can't think of White Bear Lake without thinking of Fargo, the movie.
Diatribes Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Thanks Nohbody and Diatribes. Diatribes, I can't think of White Bear Lake without thinking of Fargo, the movie. I have a wood chipper under a tarp in my back yard.
Frank13 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I hate, hate, hate this part of my life. Some day it will all pay off, this suffering, but for now I wish it was in the past. I want to be unconscious. I agree. When you are single for a while, it is a place you like to be. Then along comes a woman and it ends up like this.
antinko Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 What steps are you taking in order to tackle your grief? Or are you just letting it happen?
Author lovesickmonkey Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 The "Getting Past Your Breakup" book has been very helpful to me. I'm also seeing a psychiatrist but, as is typical, the "counseling" he's giving me is little more than gentle encouragement. So now I'm looking for someone who specializes in not only grief but in self-esteem issues. It's an issue I've left unaddressed for too long but which may be at the heart of many problems.
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