Green21 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 This happened a while ago, although I've been aware of it more recently, but it still plays on my mind somewhat. So much so I felt the need to vent here. A few weeks ago, I received an email from my ex-girlfriend telling me that she was sending a package to my parents' house. I was in the process of moving house and she didn't know whether I'd left my old place or not so sent it there. There was nothing else to the email and I wasn't going to be able to pick it up for a few weeks, so I didn't respond to the email. I expected her to be returning my things and wasn't holding out for anything more. This time last week I picked up the parcel. Sure enough it contained my stuff (it wasn't much and I wasn't too fussed about losing them), but there was also a letter enclosed. She said that it'd taken a while because one of my items was at her home whilst she'd been away. However, she also told me that it was hard for her to break up with me and that she'd hoped I'd understand that she did this because she didn't want to hurt me further by stringing me along. Thing is, it's her sudden change of heart I don't understand; not the consequences of that. She also told me that she didn't understand why her feelings changed, that she'd been lucky to have me and that she hated herself for hurting me (which she did in a way I would never have expected from her). This is what gets me. She stated this twice and, whilst I've accepted that she's gone and gone for good, I'm not too happy with the idea of her hating herself. Yet I've not responded and maintained no contact as before, and as much as I want to tell her that she shouldn't hate herself for what's happened (it won't change anything), I'm a bit concerned that telling her this would just make it worse. So I'm not really sure whether I should let this go or not. She seemed rather down about the situation from the tone of her letter and trying to contact her might make things worse. Then again, I don't really want her feeling bad about something that's done and in the past.
FinOuch Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Then again, I don't really want her feeling bad about something that's done and in the past. Personally, I think the consequences of her choices are hers. It's no longer your place to lift her up. Also, the lessons she needs to learn as a result of these consequences are hers to learn. Allow her to learn them by maintaining NC.
Ajax Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Personally, I think the consequences of her choices are hers. It's no longer your place to lift her up. Also, the lessons she needs to learn as a result of these consequences are hers to learn. Allow her to learn them by maintaining NC. Indeed. You really wouldn't want her to break your heart and feel nothing about it, would you? Consequences are simply the results of an action or inaction, and the natural consequence of breaking up with someone out of the blue is that the dumpee will be heartbroken. Breaking someones heart should not be taken lightly. Maybe a little self loathing on her part now will give her something to think about when considering hurting someone else.
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