sm1tten Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I don't think there is a "correct" way of dating, nor do I think dating has to be "fair." You do what works for you. Obviously if your way is not getting you the results you want, then you should consider adjusting yourself, but to expect other people to adjust to YOUR standard is just, well, stupid. I also have to say that for me, multi-dating is not the default mode. If I meet a guy and agree to go out with him, I don't automatically start looking for other players to add to the roster. I can and have dated one guy at a time. But if I'm in a position where I have multiple choices, and none of the guys have yet stood out to me, then I'm going to explore my options.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 I don't think there is a "correct" way of dating, nor do I think dating has to be "fair." You do what works for you. Obviously if your way is not getting you the results you want, then you should consider adjusting yourself, but to expect other people to adjust to YOUR standard is just, well, stupid. Dating is dating fair or not. But I think we choose if dating is fair or not. I know how to play fair with my dates now. I think we all know what will hurt someone and how to act in a mature way. It doesn't mean people get disappointed but there are better ways of approaching things. I agree about standards. All one can do is stand up for yourself. Other people will never do that and this is why one must be prepared to move on, move forward, if their standards differ from yours and this is a very hard things for those who want to be approved by others.
sm1tten Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Dating is dating fair or not. But I think we choose if dating is fair or not. I know how to play fair with my dates now. I think we all know what will hurt someone and how to act in a mature way. It doesn't mean people get disappointed but there are better ways of approaching things. I absolutely agree with this, and that's really what I meant by whether it has to be "fair." I don't intend to hurt people, but it does happen. I certainly don't condone stomping all over someone else's feelings. But yet, I was really responding to this I don't like girls who multidate because while she might be the only girl I've dated in three months, she might have been on dates with 5 different guys that month. That's not being fair to me or any of the men she's gone out with. because, it's really not her job to make it up to you that you're getting less action than she is.
oaks Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I also have to say that for me, multi-dating is not the default mode. If I meet a guy and agree to go out with him, I don't automatically start looking for other players to add to the roster. I can and have dated one guy at a time. But if I'm in a position where I have multiple choices, and none of the guys have yet stood out to me, then I'm going to explore my options. I don't think multi-dating is my 'default' position either, but sometimes when I'm waiting for a bus there are none for ages and then 3 come along at once.
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I don't think there is a "correct" way of dating, nor do I think dating has to be "fair." You do what works for you. Obviously if your way is not getting you the results you want, then you should consider adjusting yourself, but to expect other people to adjust to YOUR standard is just, well, stupid. I also have to say that for me, multi-dating is not the default mode. If I meet a guy and agree to go out with him, I don't automatically start looking for other players to add to the roster. I can and have dated one guy at a time. But if I'm in a position where I have multiple choices, and none of the guys have yet stood out to me, then I'm going to explore my options. The bolded attitude is to me very insecure and unhealthy (not yours, smitten, but someone who would look to fill up their roster, usually done "so I don't get too attached to this one" . . . uh, isn't the point of dating to find out if you want to be attached to someone or not? In a healthy way? Are you saying you form unhealthy attachments? (all general you)) If that's "multi-dating" default, I've never done that either. To me, multi-dating default is just literally being open to whatever comes and not having strong enough feelings for any one person (yet) to exclude other potentials. That's what I generally did when single, unless I felt I wanted to focus on one particular person. Doesn't mean I always met others, but I meet a lot of people so I often did.
Nexus One Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Way too many people (mostly men) assume that "multidating" = "sleeping with multiple people." As far as I (and all my girlfriends) am concerned, that is absolutely NOT the case. Sex does not happen until there's an exclusive relationship. How do you go about it if I may ask? Do you tell all the guys before you start dating them, that you are dating multiple men? And do you make out with any of them during the multi-dating process and if so, do they all know that?
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