Craving for admiration by seeking exclusivity and sexual intimate approval

[pandora_be]

Dear all

 

 

I have (see other post) 2 serious relationship one ended up with the ex cheating on me, one ex turned out to be something called here especially on this forum a GIGS-girl.

 

I could have avoided or at least ended those long relationships (3 years and 1 year) much earlier if I would set-up my boundaries more seriously and wouldn't have ignored some serious indicators of disinterest such as:

 

- she refusing to make herself look pretty

- let her bitch on me and play boss

- 95% of time do her thing

- me giving to much without really expecting something back

...

 

When I was tired and stop suiting me to the girl or just couldn't swallow some stuff anymore, the relationship started to go in the direction of growing seperate. First the intimacy disappeared, then emotional bound until eventually we couldn't talk anymore.

 

Why is that: well I figure out that when I'm single I crave for intimacy with a girl. Not a one-night stand or a three-week affaire, tried both of that several times and it was fun but it didn't help that I didn't feel exclusive. It were the kind of girls that had someone else every other week.

 

The problem is that now I have some kind of freaky clock ticking in my head counting the weeks I haven't slept with a girl that definitely chooses me.

 

So what happens is that when I meet after months of no-sex a girl I feel attracted to and interested in, I give her all the emotional attention and approval she could desire. It blows her mind away, so she forgets she might not really be interested or attracted to me. I can manage it for a few months sometimes even much longer like with my first gf. But eventually because I started to know her, we share some honest amazing moments, the sex/intimacy becomes easier to get, I feel less and less the emotional bound with the girl. They start feeling this as well of course and feel insecure and after a while they lose physical interest in me - because it was only there because of the emotional connection.

 

I don't want a race into bed with some girl but on the other hand I'm quite unhappy without something I call 'comfortable exclusive sex and knowing there will be a next time'. It's a bad thing, it makes me drop my boundaries and oversee some serious trouble, I become like an emotional rollercoaster for let's say GIGS girls or a step-up to something better for lonely girls who enjoy my attention, keep on the line with sex and as soon they find someone else or have enough they leave. It's great deal sex for emotions, maybe, but now after second breaking up I find myself being worse than before. Honestly my second serious relationship of 1 year looks nothing more than a rebound for my first serious relationship of 3 years.

 

I have no idea to solve this for myself, I know as a man the need for intimacy is normal, but it's a bit awkward that I'm having so much difficulty to keep my boundaries and say goodbye to a girl when I realize she's nothing for me, because of all the sex I would be missing out... It's like I feel a better person if I have more sex, even if the girl is a bitch or really nice but definitely not with a future.