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Is she cheating on me? I really need some here...THANK YOU

LostOnLI

By LostOnLI
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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LostOnLI Member

LostOnLI

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey Everyone

Im in a bit of a jam here and I really need your advice

I met my girlfriend in March on a dating website. At the beginning of the relationship I put an option on the table to date casually which she refused stating she wants to get serious, and think about starting a family down the road...we are both 32

She is very caring, affectionate and nurturing towards me. It would all seem perfect...except for the fact that there is a vail of mystery surrounding her. She is always very careful about telling me about her male friends, past relationships etc...it gives me that uneasy feeling like she is always hiding something.

A guy she met on the dating website became her facebook friend. I do not believe they ever met. When I asked her about the post on her page, she admited it was someone she met on the website. When I asked if they still email each other she said no, I know for a fact they were exchanging "how are you" emails. When I confronted her about not being hones, she replied that she did not want me to think she was cheating on me...( I know. Why lie if you have nothing to hide)

Few days ago she got a call from her sister inviting her to a "red carpet" event. She was very excited, and started planning for it. When I inclined if im invited, she said "sure, you can come along"...later that night I overheard her telling her sister that she can not go because I want to come along

Yesterday I come from work early. My girlfriend jumps up from the computer and gives me a big hug. I notice that she is uncomfortable, so I asked what she is doing. She replied that she is chatting wth her friend Peter (In the past she told me that Peter is just a good friend and nothing more, so I trusted her with that). I ask what about, and she changes the topic, then closes her chat window and walks away from the computer. Peter replies by saying "talk to you later" and the whole conversation pops up on the screen. She jumps in front of me to cover the conversatoin stating that it is a private conversation. Rather than wrestle with her, I walk away statin "obviously he is more than just a friend"

She approaches me and gives me "whats wrong baby" I do not reply and continue watching tv. After few minutes she asks me if she should go, I say, its up to you, she gives me "if I leave im not coming back", I do not reply and she is gone.

After she leaves I open facebook and she is still logged in

After some small talk

she says " i have been doing this and that, when are you coming to see me dude?"

He says"I feel bad because I have not come to see you, I deserve a spanking"

She: Uh huh..

She lol

He: Haha, I know, lol

He: Im going to try and see you asap

she:when can you come next week

He: I was thinking this friday

She: this friday is good, what time

She: Would you like me to cook something for you?

 

She obviously did not want me to see this conversation and was making plans to see him behind my back. The fact that he is coming to her house is a no no in my book. Her deceptive behavior leads met o believe it may be more than a friendship, but I can tell for sure

 

Should I:

a) Show up the day before, talk to her, and put the "you making plans with your male friend behind my back is not exactly helping this relationship"

 

b) Show up unannounced and see how for the dinner got

 

c) leave it the hell alone

 

Please give me your imput on here. Thank You in advance...

Edited by LostOnLI
rafallus Established Member

rafallus

Posted
Posted

She's just shady. I would drop her.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

Tell her what you read and the fact that she has been hiding it from you is a huge red flag. Spanking? Cooking dinner?

 

If she hasn't cheated already, she is on the road towards it...

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

If she left, then it's better that she did and you should leave it that way. I can't say 100% that she was cheating on you, but there's definately some innappropriate behavior on her part with her "male friends" and is "probably" cheating on you. Plus, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that you aren't 100% certain that they are been honest with you and you have to constantly look over their shoulder? That's not a relationship.

 

Go NC with this girl and heal from this. This isn't the last time you'll be hearing from her. When she left and said, " If I leave, I'm not coming back." was a test to see if you actually come running after her. She'll have more to say in the near future, just ignore it.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

c) leave it the hell alone

 

Dump her dude she is playing you for a fool. Go NC with her and move on.

2011aug Established Member

2011aug

Posted
Posted

Depends how lonely and bored you are. Continue to see her if you want some excitement and emotional rollercoaster in your life now. And if so, get checked occasionally for STD.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

It seems you are the jealous type and she is a free sprit. I think you should let her go because she will continue to do her own thing and if you try to restrict her, she will resent you. Let her go.

soulm8 Established Member

soulm8

Posted
Posted
Yesterday I come from work early. My girlfriend jumps up from the computer and gives me a big hug. I notice that she is uncomfortable, so I asked what she is doing. She replied that she is chatting wth her friend Peter (In the past she told me that Peter is just a good friend and nothing more, so I trusted her with that). I ask what about, and she changes the topic, then closes her chat window and walks away from the computer. Peter replies by saying "talk to you later" and the whole conversation pops up on the screen. She jumps in front of me to cover the conversatoin stating that it is a private conversation. Rather than wrestle with her, I walk away statin "obviously he is more than just a friend"

She approaches me and gives me "whats wrong baby" I do not reply and continue watching tv. After few minutes she asks me if she should go, I say, its up to you, she gives me "if I leave im not coming back", I do not reply and she is gone.

After she leaves I open facebook and she is still logged in

After some small talk

she says " i have been doing this and that, when are you coming to see me dude?"

He says"I feel bad because I have not come to see you, I deserve a spanking"

She: Uh huh..

She lol

He: Haha, I know, lol

He: Im going to try and see you asap

she:when can you come next week

He: I was thinking this friday

She: this friday is good, what time

She: Would you like me to cook something for you?

 

Peter is not a friend, and it sounds like they've already met. Please trust your gut on this and move on. She is deceiving and two-timing you... if Peter's the only other guy.

 

She left (and won't come back)... perfect! Use her own words and stick to it. She said that to make you doubt yourself - knowing full well that she doesn't give a ***** - she's set up a cozy, intimate date cooking for a dude she met off the dating site and has been emotionally cheating on you with (at the very least). She is not pulling the wool over your eyes any more (ok?). She doesn't respect you or the relationship. NEXT!

Rafaela Member

Rafaela

Posted
Posted

if i were u, i would show up in the dinner lol

i love catching smart asses like this

Mongo787 New Member

Mongo787

Posted
Posted

I've been in the same situation and had use some unorthodox measures to find out what my ex was up to.

My point is that if she makes you feel this unsure about your relationship, then I think its time to move on.

 

Hope this helps

Try Established Member

Try

Posted
Posted

When she said "if I leave im not coming back" she was breaking up with you so that she could have all the fun that she wants with the other guy when he came over for their date. She was looking for any excuse to break up with you so do not think that you did anything wrong. If it was not this it would have been something else. She wants to date this guy no matter what.

 

Bottom line is that it does not matter who is right or wrong, it only matters that she does not intend to be faithful to you. Tell her nice act in how she walked out but that you know everything and wish her a nice life. Then drop her and do not communicate with her again.

jnj express Established Member

jnj express

Posted
Posted

Exactly what kind of a relationship were/are you in with her??

 

If its spose to be exclusive---then she is way out of line, and could be cheating

 

If your just dating, and it sounds like it from your facts, as in, she just up and left, like leaving you was no big deal---then the future is up to you

 

Doesn't sound like she wants to be exclusive, so once again its all up to what you are willing to put up with

 

Do not show up at her apt. when she is spose to meet her buddy---It's actually none of your business

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