Paige1377 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 My ex husband and I broke up nine weeks ago and I left with our now one year old to Iowa while he stayed in Texas. It's the second time in six years we have split, first time was after four years and we got back together after a month and a half. The breakup was his decision, I wanted it to work bc we have a small baby. We broke up bc I was suffocating him bc I knew he was cheating and honestly major trust issues. He was working overnights and I never saw him and he was so distant and had been texting some woman nonstop. Fast forward two months, living with my parents and the first month I was a wreck, crying all the time and just depressed. He literally kicked us out and put us on a greyhound bus without any money or anything else. We talked a couple times about reconciling, he kept saying this was the best decision, finally within the past couple weeks he has said he's so happy, he doesn't want me and that he just wants to see his daughter and has become such a dick, even going as far as laughing at me when he is near his friends. He has always been a dick though. I found a high paying job in a city he and I used to live in but he doesn't now so I am relocating for a fresh start, and money for my daughter and to be able to set up custody for my daughter. He kicked us out without a car so I was going to get a ride from his mom, but she can't so now he's the one coming. It's five hours in a car with him, and honestly I have major anxiety about it. I wanted for the longest time for us to work it out, but I know that won't happen and I can't let my daughter see that kind of abuse and think it's okay for men to treat her like that. My anxiety stems from the fact that my ex always does what he wants and is very controlling and I worry he will start talking about all the girls he is sleeping with around me just to piss me off. I haven't slept with anyone bc it's not fair to do that unless I am completely over him. I am learning to hate him even though my heart tells me everyday I love him and still want that white picket fence, but he is so happy. Our conversations have been around the baby but he still brings up things he's doing and how ****ing happy he is. I just need suggestions on how to handle this ride and not breakdown. I don't need him knowing I am still hurting, I am ready for my own place and car and job. I know it's going to be hard as he'll but I am ready to be a single mother and control my life again, but I am just not needing his **** anymore. A small part of me does wish he and I could work it out, I still dream/have nightmares about him but I know it would never be for the best bc he doesn't have the same feelings as me. My family and friends all say that once I am set up and have my confidence back he will try and comeback be he will want my money and it will make it easier to see his daughter. I just can't stomach the idea of being someones backup when I gave him six years, sacrificed alot, followed him for his career and gave him a child. Please give me your opinions, suggestions on how I can handle this situation emotionally. He has moved on obviously, I am getting there, but I don't want to breakdown. I absolutely hate him but am blessed bc him not wanting me gave my daughter and I our life back.
Seraph1 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Fast forward two months, living with my parents and the first month I was a wreck, crying all the time and just depressed. He literally kicked us out and put us on a greyhound bus without any money or anything else. We talked a couple times about reconciling, he kept saying this was the best decision, finally within the past couple weeks he has said he's so happy, he doesn't want me and that he just wants to see his daughter and has become such a dick, even going as far as laughing at me when he is near his friends. He has always been a dick though. I found a high paying job in a city he and I used to live in but he doesn't now so I am relocating for a fresh start, and money for my daughter and to be able to set up custody for my daughter. Ouch! I'm sorry that you have gone through this and I am very sorry that it appears you are going to have to spend 5 hours in a car with him. If I were in your situation I would beg, borrow or steal the money from somewhere in order to get alternate transport for that 5 hour trip. I'd pay a friend to take me in their car in stead and explain the situation, I'd get on a greyhound bus, I'd rent a car! Money may be tight but I would say that I would gladly spend a couple $$ on my mental health! You said that you have just gotten a high paying job? Then remember that you will be earning the big $$ in no time and should consider what is best for your emotional state rather than your purse right now. Why do you want to allow him to hurt you any further if there are other options? I hope that you are ok and that you manage to find your way through this situation.
jstobo Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Hi Paige- I agree with Seraph. I would do everything possible to not have to take that drive with him. I get incredible anxiety whenever I drop or pick my kids off. I'm six months into my separation and pending divorce. If I needed to spend 5 hours with her, I think I would have a heart attack. And my STBX is super kind. She would never tell me how happy she is and who she's been sleeping with. I really hope you're able to find another way to get where you're going.
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