JohnEl Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 its been two weeks of NC. i miss her alot right now. like ive said before, mornings are the hardest part of the day. waking up alone. a mutual friend contacted me yesterday on facebook. im blocking her now. she told me that my ex is in fact dating this other guy and that she is serious about making the relationship work with him. its sad to know that shes moved on so fast from me. i dont understand how this all happened so my mind tries to find answers and i start getting upset. i start blamming myself and thinking of every little thing that i did for the last three years that would have made her leave me. im mad at her for giving up on me. i was with her when she was at her worst, i considered ending things a year ago bc she was having some issues, but i stayed with her. now, when me and her as a couple were having issues, she bailed on me. it makes me mad that she gave up but i didnt. i started NC with hopes that it would make her miss me and want to come back. thats not going to happen. she is never coming back. shes happy to not be with me bc in her mind, i was a horrible boyfriend. but how can i be the boyfriend she wants me to be when she lived 3 hours away for the last 6 months? its hard to show her i care. she thinks that relationships are suppose to be fun and happy 24/7. she thought it was the end of the world anytime we had a disagreement. i just dont get her. i dont understand what shes thinking. i used to but i dont anymore. someone told me that she was probably thinking about breaking up for a while. she didnt just do it overnight. but if she loved me, why wouldnt she let me know that she was questioning our relationship? why wouldnt she tell me that she was considering ending things? she didnt tell me anything. sure, there were little things here and there that we argued about but nothing to make me thing she was going to bail on me. im trying to stay busy. im working out a lot and trying to talk with friends and family as much as possible. its just hard because i still think of her 24/7. no matter what im doing, shes on my mind. i dont know how much longer i can take this. everything i do makes me think of her. ive cut her out of my life. ive cut mutual friends out and threw away everything she every gave me. i dont have anything that should remind me of her but i cant stop thinking about her. i cry or get choked up at least once a day. im seeing a counselor to help me through this but it doestn really help that much. i feel like ill never find someone who could love me like she did. i know she really did, she just got caught up in the bad things that were going on and bailed on me. and she blammed me for everything. and i bought into that. i blammed myself and still do sometimes. i feel like i lost the best woman in the world and will never find anything like that ever again. the thoughts of her with this new guy are hurting the most. i know everything about her. i imagine her and him having what me and her had. i know what she likes and doesnt like. i remember every little detail about how we would sleep together and how she kisses etc. i can imagine her getting off with him and kissing him. it makes me sick. how do i not think about this stuff. thats probably the worst part about all this. her and him already. im not over her and still in love with her but shes screwing some other A-hole who she started dating the same week we broke up. i just dont understand how she can do that. doesnt make sense and its horrible to think about.
antinko Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 In regard to your final paragraph, they won't have what you shared because that's unique. Their relationship will be different. Now, if she does try and make the new relationship like your relationship, and be controlling, then it's either going to end quickly or it's going to be an unhappy one. Also, only take with a pinch of salt what third parties, i.e. mutual friends say. They don't know what goes on behind closed door or in your ex's head. It is quite clear that your ex is putting on a show of appearing happy, but typically this display is just that: a display. Honestly John, I know it's hard but try your best to focus on you. You're doing good by making use of LS so you're not alone, but yeh, you need to do this for you.
LelouchIsZero Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 The mornings are always the worst. This morning I had a dream that my ex was apologising for all that went wrong in our relationship & that she wanted to try again. It was a bit of a set back. You need to start focusing on your life though, clearly she isn't that great of a person if she 'bailed' on you, instead of trying to fix the problems in the relationship. I personally feel that it's immature to leave like that, so you deserve better.
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