torn_curtain Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 (edited) It all depends on what you consider selective. I've known women not to date guys with a certain name or wore a certain label. Men who wouldn't date women who wouldn't date women with a certain hair or eye color. I've heard some really off the wall criteria as well. I knew of this one woman that wouldn't date a guy with a gut (muscular gut, not sure what that means) because her booty big, and when they spoon, they HAVE to match like a puzzle piece. Oh no, I don't mean selective in a purely superficial, trivial way. It's natural for people to be superficial to a degree, but it's silly when it starts to get excessive and sort of arbitrary. I mean selective in more important ways. For me that include traits like being really smart and well read (so we can share a rich intellectual connection and good conversation), having a job I respect, being assertive but also kind, etc. Edited August 24, 2011 by torn_curtain Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Oh no, I don't mean selective in a purely superficial, trivial way. It's natural for people to be superficial to a degree, but it's silly when it starts to get excessive and sort of arbitrary. I mean selective in more important ways. For me that include traits like being really smart and well read (so we can share a rich intellectual connection and good conversation), having a job I respect, being assertive but also kind, etc. You'd be surprised how many women list the obvious criteria. Many of them have stated: Must not have a criminal record, do drugs, have a job, have a car. Man, that's EASY!! I'd be swarming in a sea of dates if these women would give me a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
homersheineken Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I wouldn't bother with a woman that said she is very selective. This smacks of, "I'm a princess, and its all about me". Even if I was the most desired man on the planet, this attitude would turn me off. I think its one thing to think you have to be selective, and another to announce it. The latter is displaying their arrogance and entitlement. Don't bother with these types. they are the same types that think men should fight over them Dude I've gone out with women from OKC who get 100+ msgs a day. They simply don't have the time to reply to each idiotic message (and they are funny!). It has nothing to do with their attitude, just their reply stats. OP, Take a couple minutes and write a personalized message and have a good solid profile with good pics (didn't you have one with you showing your back?) I get about a .400 response rate from Very Selectively. Don't take it personal and give it a shot - that's why you're there anyways Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 OP, Take a couple minutes and write a personalized message and have a good solid profile with good pics (didn't you have one with you showing your back?) I get about a .400 response rate from Very Selectively. Don't take it personal and give it a shot - that's why you're there anyways Well I definitely feel like I send personalized, well written messages to only those I'd genuinely like to meet. It actually surprises me that guys would actually write such crap as Star pointed out earlier... But it's funny you bring up the back picture...I've always wondered with the deal was with girls thoughts on shirtless pics...I've never posted one on a dating site, but articles and anecdotal evidence say that do they indeed work...and then you have the LS women who generally seem to be against them...at least that's what they say in public...so what gives...? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I wouldn't bother with a woman that said she is very selective. This smacks of, "I'm a princess, and its all about me" You don't understand. It's not the girl that's saying she responds very selectively. It's OKC saying she responds very selectively. OKC, not the profile owner, is the one telling you how often the profile owner responds to messages s/he receives - anything from "very often" to "very selectively." Link to post Share on other sites
homersheineken Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Well I definitely feel like I send personalized, well written messages to only those I'd genuinely like to meet. It actually surprises me that guys would actually write such crap as Star pointed out earlier... But it's funny you bring up the back picture...I've always wondered with the deal was with girls thoughts on shirtless pics...I've never posted one on a dating site, but articles and anecdotal evidence say that do they indeed work...and then you have the LS women who generally seem to be against them...at least that's what they say in public...so what gives...? You could probably get away with that pic. Try it and see if you get better results I think they say they don't like them so they can project the image that they aren't superficial (if true or not). Yeah I laughed pretty hard at some of the messages that guys write and how little of a clue they have to get an attractive girl's attention. What are some of the messages you write? You can pm (if you don't want to publicize). The biggest thing is to try and be humorous. That seems to work best. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Not that I'm saying I am the one you want, Hokie... But given our experience, I think it's fair to say you're looking for someone LIKE me...? Educated, some semblance of class, good values, relationship oriented...? Yeah? (This is assuming you're R oriented right now, not just wanting arse.) If so, don't put those gratuitous pics up. You know the pics I'm talking about. We've all seen them. Maybe post one at the beach or something, or on one of your cruises...but not the sexpot shots. OTOH, if you ARE just looking for a piece, then sex pot shot away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 Not that I'm saying I am the one you want, Hokie... But given our experience, I think it's fair to say you're looking for someone LIKE me...? Educated, some semblance of class, good values, relationship oriented...? Yeah? (This is assuming you're R oriented right now, not just wanting arse.) If so, don't put those gratuitous pics up. You know the pics I'm talking about. We've all seen them. Maybe post one at the beach or something, or on one of your cruises...but not the sexpot shots. OTOH, if you ARE just looking for a piece, then sex pot shot away! I know exactly which pics you're talking about... :embarrassed: And you're right...you've known that I've always been more relationship minded, and of course, someone like you would be pretty ideal...but then again, what could it hurt...? It could be worth a try...I won't be around this area much longer anyway, and lately I had always been complaining about not bring able to "play"...it could just be seen as a little social experiment... I don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
Abhuman Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) Make your message noticeable, in a positive way. You might get... ...selected. Not just the message but more specifically the title too. Edited August 25, 2011 by Abhuman Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I know exactly which pics you're talking about... :embarrassed: And you're right...you've known that I've always been more relationship minded, and of course, someone like you would be pretty ideal...but then again, what could it hurt...? It could be worth a try...I won't be around this area much longer anyway, and lately I had always been complaining about not bring able to "play"...it could just be seen as a little social experiment... I don't know... What could it hurt? It will likely turn off the type of girls you are looking for. But yeah, seeing as you're switching coasts soon, why are you even bothering looking right now? Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 We get tons of really dumb messages like "nice tits" Are you speaking hypothetically or did someone really say that? And if so were you really putting your t!ts on display? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 There are a lot of men on there who will ignore your choices stated in your profile - won't even read your profile, half the time - and will just message things like, "hey" or "sexy lady". I ended up replying to most of them, just so as to not be rude, but knowing they hadn't even paid attention to what I'd written, including my chosen age-range (hearing from fifty-two-year-olds, at the eldest end of the age range, and eighteen-year-olds at the youngest) - that bugged me. The men on there who might be considered a good catch, going by jobs, looks, education, social life, travelling, etc... they also have "replies selectively" next to their names. And they tend to be very clear about what they're looking for in their profiles (like one guy, who said something like, "you know if you look good in a bikini"). Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Are you speaking hypothetically or did someone really say that? And if so were you really putting your t!ts on display? I had nothing on display, except for my face, when I received "sexy lady" comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Are you speaking hypothetically or did someone really say that? And if so were you really putting your t!ts on display? They are big and obvious even when fully covered up, in any above the waist shots.... Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I know exactly which pics you're talking about... :embarrassed: And you're right...you've known that I've always been more relationship minded, and of course, someone like you would be pretty ideal...but then again, what could it hurt...? It could be worth a try...I won't be around this area much longer anyway, and lately I had always been complaining about not bring able to "play"...it could just be seen as a little social experiment... I don't know... Here is my question. I'm not average body type. I got muscle. It's obvious I got muscle. I'm pretty lean also but still got some love handles & stomach pouch though half of that is loose skin from dropping 90lbs. Only two abs. Don't women want a shirtless pic to verify you really are athletic & toned? Do you need the 6-pack to get in? I don't want to be like one of those women that put athletic & toned or slender & their obviously not. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I am notcing a trend of women in my region where they've gotten professionally done swimsuit/bikini photos and other hot (Maxim Magazine shots) on their dating profiles. But I'm sure they're doing it for attention only, not to prove to men they're not over weight. lol Chances are they don't even meet the men that email them. Just enjoy seeing the 50 emails on a daily basis, perhaps it's some kind of validation before they head to work in their low cut blouse? lol Here is my question. I'm not average body type. I got muscle. It's obvious I got muscle. I'm pretty lean also but still got some love handles & stomach pouch though half of that is loose skin from dropping 90lbs. Only two abs. Don't women want a shirtless pic to verify you really are athletic & toned? Do you need the 6-pack to get in? I don't want to be like one of those women that put athletic & toned or slender & their obviously not. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I wouldn't bother with a woman that said she is very selective. This smacks of, "I'm a princess, and its all about me". Even if I was the most desired man on the planet, this attitude would turn me off. I think its one thing to think you have to be selective, and another to announce it. The latter is displaying their arrogance and entitlement. Don't bother with these types. they are the same types that think men should fight over them I would totally agree with you if these people were SAYING, "I reply very selectively" but it's just a site feature. (Even though I think one should seek a mate with specific qualities and such, people who SAY they are selective or very selective are usually jerks. Normal people are naturally selective, but they don't go around broadcasting it; this is just a random site feature you cannot really control. And I agree with those who say it likely gauges message volume more than actual response levels.) I know exactly which pics you're talking about... :embarrassed: And you're right...you've known that I've always been more relationship minded, and of course, someone like you would be pretty ideal...but then again, what could it hurt...? It could be worth a try...I won't be around this area much longer anyway, and lately I had always been complaining about not bring able to "play"...it could just be seen as a little social experiment... I don't know... If these are overtly sexy/body shots, you're going to eliminate any girl who's opposed to that, which SG says are girls like her, and I'd say are girls like me as well (not necessarily the same type of girls, but similar in this manner). A beach/shirtless shot gets a pass, but an obviously "I'm showing off my body" shot would keep me from taking a guy seriously/going out with him, no matter what else he brought to the table. That said, if what you're doing isn't working, experimenting couldn't hurt. But you'll definitely turn off some relationship-oriented girls with the wrong kind of sexy pics. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 There's nothing wrong with somebody being selective. Selectivity is good. I wouldn't want a guy either who wasn't selective. oh I think we all have a right to be selective. its one thing to be selective, its another to announce it. those that announce it are basically saying, "i'm a princess and I'm selective, and I should be a prize for any man" Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 You don't understand. It's not the girl that's saying she responds very selectively. It's OKC saying she responds very selectively. OKC, not the profile owner, is the one telling you how often the profile owner responds to messages s/he receives - anything from "very often" to "very selectively." No, he said the profile said this. Meaning it came from the profile owner. "Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"" Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I would totally agree with you if these people were SAYING, "I reply very selectively" but it's just a site feature. ah, well that would be different I suppose. I wouldn't know since I've never been on a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 They are big and obvious even when fully covered up, in any above the waist shots.... Oh, ok. BTW nice t!ts in your profile pic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 No, he said the profile said this. Meaning it came from the profile owner. "Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"" No, Star is correct. I was speaking of the site feature, not women openly stating it in their profile. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 oh I think we all have a right to be selective. its one thing to be selective, its another to announce it. those that announce it are basically saying, "i'm a princess and I'm selective, and I should be a prize for any man" No, he said the profile said this. Meaning it came from the profile owner. "Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"" "No"? Seeing as you've never had an OKC profile whereas I and many others here have, it would be prudent to take our word for what "replies selectively" actually means. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 "No"? Seeing as you've never had an OKC profile whereas I and many others here have, it would be prudent to take our word for what "replies selectively" actually means. well if Im to take your word for it, to which I have no problem, then the original description needs to be accurate. love had already corrected the original post for accuracy and that its a run of the mill selection that one can choose when setting up the profile. so now that I have an accurate description, its all moot. so if this is correct, then I don't understand what Hokie's problem with this may now be. I mean, if its one of the default profile selections, and not the woman saying this herself, then I guess now I don't understand why it would be a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 so if this is correct, then I don't understand what Hokie's problem with this may now be. I mean, if its one of the default profile selections, and not the woman saying this herself, then I guess now I don't understand why it would be a problem. I imagine it intimidates some people, but I have no idea why it should. If I potentially like a guy, I don't sit around wondering if he'd like me to or if it's okay for me to approach him --- I just do it. And that's what I recommend men do as well (tactfully and respectfully, and willing to accept if the outcome is No thank you, of course). Especially on a dating website! Unless you've failed to read my profile and/or respect my boundaries and are literally something I've said I'm never interested in (wrong age range/location), I was never angry, when doing OLD, that someone wrote me. Give it a whirl. Worst that's going to happen is the girl doesn't want to go out with you, and you never know if she will. Link to post Share on other sites
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