D-Lish Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I may have one more 1st date coming up and I will defintely stress going dutch before we meet. Really????? I'd cancel the date if a dude stressed that to me beforehand. I ALWAYS offer to pay my half on the first date unless they insist otherwise- but if a guy told me ahead of time we were going dutch, I'd bail on the date. I'd envision him as a loser for saying such a thing.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Really????? I'd cancel the date if a dude stressed that to me beforehand. I ALWAYS offer to pay my half on the first date unless they insist otherwise- but if a guy told me ahead of time we were going dutch, I'd bail on the date. I'd envision him as a loser for saying such a thing. Actually I will suggest a ice cream date to avoid any issues on the next first date.
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I'd envision him as a loser for saying such a thing. I agree.. It would show that the guy if more concerned with being cheap than having a good time.
D-Lish Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I agree.. It would show that the guy if more concerned with being cheap than having a good time. Yep, I'd be a bit offended with the "we're going dutch" disclosure. But if Philly is concerned with cash right now, he's right to limit the dates to activities that don't involve spending too much money. Philly- don't telll the girl you want to go dutch, just arrange for a date where you don't have to spend cash. A hike, a walk in the park- a coffee.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Yep, I'd be a bit offended with the "we're going dutch" disclosure. But if Philly is concerned with cash right now, he's right to limit the dates to activities that don't involve spending too much money. Philly- don't telll the girl you want to go dutch, just arrange for a date where you don't have to spend cash. A hike, a walk in the park- a coffee. That's what I decided to do. Just like the brunch I had on Monday the girl didn't mention going dutch until the check came
D-Lish Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 That's what I decided to do. Just like the brunch I had on Monday the girl didn't mention going dutch until the check came I always offer to pay half on the first date, it's just the right way to go about it when it comes to modern dating. If I really like a guy and he insists on paying on the first date- I'll let him. If I am sure I don't want to see him again I'll go dutch. IMO it's not cool to make a guy pay for a date when I don't plan on seeing him again.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 I always offer to pay half on the first date, it's just the right way to go about it when it comes to modern dating. If I really like a guy and he insists on paying on the first date- I'll let him. If I am sure I don't want to see him again I'll go dutch. IMO it's not cool to make a guy pay for a date when I don't plan on seeing him again. well you know some women will try and take advantage of that. I had a woman ask me on a 1st date after spending 2 hours in the cafe, "are you hungry" I thought it was a sign she wanted to spend more time with me and after paying for dinner i never saw her again
Sanman Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) Does this sound obnoxious to you? It sounds obnoxious to me. Seriously. You're such a douchebag, I can't imagine why any woman would even want to go out with you. If a guy asked me out and then stressed going dutch, I would be so turned off I would just cancel the date. To me, that says the guy is focused on the money and not on the girl he's dating. All you can think about is how to get the most dates for the least amount of money. And seeing as how all these dates are with different girls, it's even more sleazy. It works both ways. If I asked a guy out, I would pay for him. When you invite someone out to dinner, that person is basically your guest. It's supposed to be your treat, even if it's just a coffee date. I mean, if you invited people to your house for a dinner party, would you make them pay for their food? Yeah, he is a douchebag. I mean expecting a woman with a job to pay her own pay in 2011. How ridiculous is that? Next men will even expect them not to fade out or actually like the guy prior to accepting a date. While everyone is bashing the OP, there is no evidence that this girl did not use him for more than insurance either. Let's not act like no woman here has ever uttered the term 'that dates sucked but at least I got a free meal out of it'. I have heard it many times in real life. The irony of this is that is the last 'who should pay' thread, it was suggested by someone that the guy let a woman know he wants to go dutch prior. Honestly man, avoid food altogether. A nice independent coffee shop or maybe a walk around Penn's Landing might be just fine. NO WAY would NYCguy be any of these chicks "soulmate" etc if the prices included in his spreadsheet were "$16", "$19 (I had a 2 for 1 coupon)", and so on and so forth. and why get on Philly for not having a lot of cash right now...come on. I guess relationships are only for people with lots of money now? I'm with you veggirl. Oh, there is nothing wrong with a place where you stand and order food. There are many cool Indy places where this works that are not fast food. My gf would have been happy to go to such a place on a first date as well. It really is just the entitlement speaking. Women on here talk about a guy planning a date that works for a guy financially so he can cover it, but make fun of the OP for not going to a nicer place. So, they are admitting that they have these standards for nicer places and still expect a guy to pay. Well ladies, thanks for reminding me how truly special my gf really is. She doesn't care how fancy the place is and we split all dating costs at her insistence. Edited August 26, 2011 by Sanman
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Really????? I'd cancel the date if a dude stressed that to me beforehand. I ALWAYS offer to pay my half on the first date unless they insist otherwise- but if a guy told me ahead of time we were going dutch, I'd bail on the date. I'd envision him as a loser for saying such a thing. Offering to pay your half and expecting to pay your half are two different things. If he is going to get pissed off when a woman doesn't pay, he needs to date a woman that WANTS to pay her half. Will alot of women dismiss him on this? Yes. But it will save him some trouble in the future. He should be honest about what his expecations are instead of holding on some unleashed anger to women in general. Finally, a man posting on Love Shack who has an obsessive compulsive disorder other than porn.
irc333 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Just out of curiosity, aren't there any side jobs you can do under the table so you can still collect unemployment? Nope, even side jobs are hard to come by in this economy, I was talking to a woman that said her son was trying to get a job as a PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, and they had applications going out the yin-yang! LOL
irc333 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Yep, I'd be a bit offended with the "we're going dutch" disclosure. Yeah, I was put off by a woman I met online, we weren't getting a meal, just a couple of drinks, she wanted an Orange Julius, and I was about to get it for her, ONLY a couple of bucks, and she stopped me right there, and insisted on paying for it. How lame...and very off putting, ESPECIALLY when it's not even a DINNER date.
Emilia Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Yeah, I was put off by a woman I met online, we weren't getting a meal, just a couple of drinks, she wanted an Orange Julius, and I was about to get it for her, ONLY a couple of bucks, and she stopped me right there, and insisted on paying for it. How lame...and very off putting, ESPECIALLY when it's not even a DINNER date. Ok so some guys here say a woman is cheap if she doesn't offer/insist to pay her share, others are offended when she does I always pay my share and have been known not letting guys pay for drinks if I knew their finances were stretched (admittedly not more than once or twice in a row). If a man has an issue with that I see it as his problem, not mine. If you are insecure about a woman's financial independence then I'm sorry for you.
sally4sara Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 So you have no problem paying your own way. And you know that many many men and women do it the traditional guy pays style rather than dutch. The guy you accepted plans with says ahead of time "so FYI, we're going dutch" - the way you've done before and say you have no problem with, but he loses points for verbalizing it?! I'd say you go about dating looking for reasons to give up so you don't have to risk getting to know people or them getting to know you. You either don't like the guy enough to have him talk straight to you about things or dating to you is some scary tribulation that has you pulling the plug over any benign thing you can find. Its like being hot for a guy and hoping dating him goes well enough that you end up in bed together, but freaking and disappearing if he says what you're thinking.
Emilia Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 So you have no problem paying your own way. And you know that many many men and women do it the traditional guy pays style rather than dutch. The guy you accepted plans with says ahead of time "so FYI, we're going dutch" - the way you've done before and say you have no problem with, but he loses points for verbalizing it?! I'd say you go about dating looking for reasons to give up so you don't have to risk getting to know people or them getting to know you. You either don't like the guy enough to have him talk straight to you about things or dating to you is some scary tribulation that has you pulling the plug over any benign thing you can find. Its like being hot for a guy and hoping dating him goes well enough that you end up in bed together, but freaking and disappearing if he says what you're thinking. Is this aimed at my post? In the UK there is no chat, going Dutch is the norm. If I'm seeing someone and he is struggling that particular day or week financially, I'm happy to pay for the drinks or whatever and keep it simple (most wouldn't accept more than one round for free without feeling embarrassed, that's natural). My comments were aimed at irc33 and the outdated 'men pay' approach. I don't understand the rest of your post, kind of over-analytical to the point of being completely irrelevant (if it's aimed at my previous post)
zengirl Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Really????? I'd cancel the date if a dude stressed that to me beforehand. I ALWAYS offer to pay my half on the first date unless they insist otherwise- but if a guy told me ahead of time we were going dutch, I'd bail on the date. I always offer to pay half on the first date, it's just the right way to go about it when it comes to modern dating. If I really like a guy and he insists on paying on the first date- I'll let him. If I am sure I don't want to see him again I'll go dutch. IMO it's not cool to make a guy pay for a date when I don't plan on seeing him again. I am on board with everything D Lish said. That's how I do as well. To me, anything that makes the pre-dating process awkward is going to lead me to cancel it, and bringing up who pays for a date we haven't even had is awkward and (a) shows that you either have a rule or are worried about things that have happened with other girls or (b) that you're so ridiculously concerned with money you need to discuss it beforehand. Then again, I've never had a guy NOT insist on paying for a first date except guys who literally said on the date they weren't that into me (totally fair enough -- I'm not upset about it) or weren't looking for a relationship, though I have gone dutch many times because I had no interest in the guy. So you have no problem paying your own way. And you know that many many men and women do it the traditional guy pays style rather than dutch. The guy you accepted plans with says ahead of time "so FYI, we're going dutch" - the way you've done before and say you have no problem with, but he loses points for verbalizing it?! I'd say you go about dating looking for reasons to give up so you don't have to risk getting to know people or them getting to know you. You either don't like the guy enough to have him talk straight to you about things or dating to you is some scary tribulation that has you pulling the plug over any benign thing you can find. Its like being hot for a guy and hoping dating him goes well enough that you end up in bed together, but freaking and disappearing if he says what you're thinking. I don't see it that way, but yeah, if a guy said, "We're having sex after this date, right?" I'd not go on it either. I don't like the idea of stating these weird preconditions out. Dating disclaimers? Not my thing. Express yourself, sure, but why the need to ask me beforehand. It seems like worry, and worry is unattractive. Personally, though, I've never gone dutch on a date (first or any) with a guy I liked, unless we're talking a very expensive event where we both bought our tickets ahead of time, though I have paid for dates and been paid for. Perhaps if it were culture here to do that, I'd not see the phrase as so odd beforehand. I've totally gone dutch on dates, but to me, it normally means the date isn't going well. If I liked a guy and he was temporarily unemployed, though, I'd totally try to pick up the whole tab. Though I'd hope he would reciprocate later, when he got back on his feet. It really depends. Sushi is the most expensive -- get a few pieces of sushi, a couple rolls, and some sake or plum wine at a high quality place and you're already bumping up against $100 for two people. At the other end of the spectrum, there are sit-down burger joints where you can get huge burgers and fries and frozen margaritas the size of your head all for under $30. The most I've ever spent on a meal for two was at Bouley's which ran about $350 all-in and I wasn't even full afterwards. And that doesn't even approach the likes of Per Se or Masa which can get you easily into the four figures. Well, east coast sushi kind of sucks anyway. My BF and I just got sushi the other day that was really good (almost rivaled some of the sushi in Cali, nowhere near the sushi in Japan of course, but nowhere in the U.S. does) with saki and some appetizers beforehand, and we still paid around $50. But, again, not NYC. I've never had good sushi in NYC, though I've tried a few places. It's rare to get good sushi here, too. There's only one place I like, and it's not the most expensive place in town (which I've eaten at and which has sushi that's about grocery store quality -- kind of crap). I've eaten sushi in Japan for less than $50 a person, and (a) food is expensive in Japan, (b) sushi is especially expensive -- the good stuff especially, and © the dollar sucked there when I was there. I don't eat a lot of burgers (though a gastropub is cool on occasion), but I've had good Thai, Indian, French, California Fusion, Vietnamese, Irish, Chinese, Spanish, and Italian food in NYC for less than $100 for a pair. Depends how much you drink, of course. I don't do multiple courses in most cases because Americans eat too damn much anyway. There are some fancy places where they give you small portions for a lot of money (I like the portion sizes) but I'm not a fan of anywhere I couldn't wear an everyday dress/leggings or a nice jeans outfit to, personally, so I'd rarely go to them. (Even if I am dressed up. . . it's not being against dressing up. Fancy stuff just isn't my cuppa.) There's a whole wealth of great cuisine that isn't expensive these days. I'm a foodie, so I'm all about food quality, but price rarely shows you the whole story about food quality. But I do hear the dating culture expects fancy crap. I find that odd, personally. Who wants to go on fancy dates all the time?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 So you have no problem paying your own way. And you know that many many men and women do it the traditional guy pays style rather than dutch. The guy you accepted plans with says ahead of time "so FYI, we're going dutch" - the way you've done before and say you have no problem with, but he loses points for verbalizing it?! I'd say you go about dating looking for reasons to give up so you don't have to risk getting to know people or them getting to know you. You either don't like the guy enough to have him talk straight to you about things or dating to you is some scary tribulation that has you pulling the plug over any benign thing you can find. That was my thought myself. It's okay to go dutch, it's just not okay to verbalize doing it? Please verbalize it. Because it will leave me with the men that don't mind the traditional type of dating I enjoy. And you can gladly have the men that look at payment of dates as a tit for tat situation.
robdrm32 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 So I looked at the cashier and didn't want to make a scene and just threw the money at her while the girl back was turned. OP while i agree your date should have offered, you gotta take control. Dont be pissed at the cashier she deals with couples all day where the man probably insists on paying, and she must have assumed that you two were a couple which isn't far fetched considering you were out together. After ordering did your date turn and walk back to the table? or was she just turned around but still nearby? Thats when you say "hey sally, we're gonna keep these checks separate." No scene involved. I will say its good you decided not to take her out again but maybe next time set expectations beforehand.
Pierre Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Thats when you say "hey sally, we're gonna keep these checks separate." No scene involved. I will say its good you decided not to take her out again but maybe next time set expectations beforehand. I don't think cheap stingy men should date. :o:o
TigerCub Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Yeah, I was put off by a woman I met online, we weren't getting a meal, just a couple of drinks, she wanted an Orange Julius, and I was about to get it for her, ONLY a couple of bucks, and she stopped me right there, and insisted on paying for it. How lame...and very off putting, ESPECIALLY when it's not even a DINNER date. Hey, maybe she dated PhillyDude before you and learned a lesson about never letting a guy pay even if it is a few dollars
Mimolicious Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Sorry to veer off-topic. Is it just me, or does it seem strange to be on date #6 and still multi-dating? Although I'm not into it, I get the concept of multi-dating... I think. But by date #6 I was getting deep into my guy. And by date #6... I think the date deserves more than $20. WTF can people possibly do with $20 on a date anyway? Mc Donalds? Look Philly, I am not sure how old you are. I can imagine that being unemployed is a hard thing but to be honest (better not get heat for this), many women don't like to deal with someone that is strapped for cash. I don't exactly mean that they have to depend on you for anything. Just shows that at a given age, a person doesn't have their shyte together. Trust me, I understand that these are hard times for the entire world, not only one nation but it is what it is. Perhaps, my background makes my opinion biased on people who have no economical stability but it's definitely a turn off for women (BTW,I said "women" not "girls". Know the difference). If you are expecting to find a strong, independent, self-sustained, educated woman...perhaps you also need to be up to part. If not, your selection will be kinda limited .
AmEricanWomann Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I never said I was broke, the money I spend I wanted to save for another outing for someone I aleady know. So you have money, but you just didn't want to spend it on her. OP, you'd make me laugh if it wasn't all so pathetic. You asked this girl out, you take her to a place of your choosing and you expected HER to make it easy for you to see someone that you really liked? That's not her job to make sure you can have a great time on your dates with other women. Am I saying the guy should always pay? There is no should, there's only what the two people agree on. I personally always appreciate when a man pays and to tell the truth the only time I insist on paying is if I don't like the guy, never want to see him again and don't want to feel remotely guilty or obligated to him. But if a guy insists that I pay my share, I certainly would. Then I'd never see him again, just like you plan to never see this girl again. Why didn't you tell her you wanted to go dutch? And its true that you shouldn't have gone to a restaurant, especially if you didn't like her anyway. If you want to avoid awkward embarrassing situations in the future, either tactfully tell the girl that you want to go dutch when you ask her on a date or just assume that she thinks you're paying and only go someplace where you can afford to pay for the both of you. Problem solved.
Mimolicious Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 It's because of so many years of experiencing the "Quiet fade off" that I always think that a girl can disappear at anytime and not say why. So that's i wanted to possibly meet one other person to make sure I don't end up with nobody. But I have experience so much failure that i still think a girl can disappear after 6 dates I GOT A CLUE FOR YOU! (as to why they don't stick around) WATER ICE? Is that like Italian Ice? Cute. These dates sound juvenile. Again, I don't know your age but 8th grade "crush" does such dates. You're gonna have to step it up to keep someone interested. I don't exactly mean it in a material way but unless you are dating 16y/o chicks, those dates sound a bit stale. I'm just keeping it real with you, bro.
Mimolicious Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I actually went back to my spreadsheet from 7 years ago to see what the first five dates with my wife were like, for comparisons sake: Date 1 -- dinner, followed by a long walk around the city, I paid ($100) Date 2 -- dinner, followed by a few games of pool, I paid for dinner ($75), she paid for pool ($10-20?) Date 3 -- ordered in sushi and watched a movie at my place, she paid ($25-35?) Date 4 -- dinner, followed by drinks at a lounge and an all-night make-out session at my place, I paid ($260 for dinner, $35 for drinks) Date 5 -- she came over late, all-night make-out session at my place, followed by sex the next morning (no cost) Moral of the story -- man up and show the woman a good time if you want to get laid/married. WORD! Add inflation cost. LOL! Like I said, unless Philly is dating HS girls... Not even! Even to spark up a hookah is more than $12.
Mimolicious Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Wait, so you wait ages in between dates and haven't even kissed? I'm so confused, and I bet this girl is too if she likes you (which it sounded before like she did). All my dates with my BF for a month were mostly public dates, though I did invite in once after (to the living room and some espresso only) and he had me over once as well for part of a night -- we went out that night as well -- and even when out, all of our dates except date #1 had some form of physical affection. You can kiss, cuddle, hug, hold hands, and the like in public or as you open her car door or walk her home or whatever. I mean, don't dry hump in public or whatever, but I don't get why it's a big deal to kiss a girl while on a walk. And you're NEVER going to anymore dates outside? I find you and your rules confusing, and not just in this thread. More money than I'd need a guy to spend, but apparently that's par for the course in NYC. I never dated there. A $260 dinner would weird me out. (That's like a car payment!) But a guy who's obsessing about every cent he spends weirds me out too. and those sound like nice dates, except for the way-too-expensive dinners. P.S. You kept a spreadsheet of your dates? A drink in NYC is average $14-18 at a whishy-washy spot. At a "hot spot" like $21. A beer is $8. LOL! Movies is $14 p/p or something like that. A cab is like $2.50 off-peek hrs the minute to sit inside. It's NYC "The Melting-Pot" so it also depends on your taste & pocket. You'll be dining at White Castle if you only got $20 for a date. NOT EVEN! Sal's Pizzeria more like it, and only a few slice of Pizza. Philly- you don't have to say exactly where but where do you live?
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Well, east coast sushi kind of sucks anyway. My BF and I just got sushi the other day that was really good (almost rivaled some of the sushi in Cali, nowhere near the sushi in Japan of course, but nowhere in the U.S. does) with saki and some appetizers beforehand, and we still paid around $50. But, again, not NYC. I've never had good sushi in NYC, though I've tried a few places. It's rare to get good sushi here, too. There's only one place I like, and it's not the most expensive place in town (which I've eaten at and which has sushi that's about grocery store quality -- kind of crap). I've eaten sushi in Japan for less than $50 a person, and (a) food is expensive in Japan, (b) sushi is especially expensive -- the good stuff especially, and © the dollar sucked there I eat sushi 3-4 times a week and have had it all over the world and NYC has unarguably the best sushi in the world.
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