zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Well, I don't necessarily mean that someone would go out with someone they were completely repulsed by in order to get a free sandwich. But rather, say you were ambivalent about someone and because they were paying you figured there was no downside (not you specifically, but the general "you"). My philosophy is that on the first couple of dates you do small stuff like coffee or something especially if it's someone you met online. I have never paid for a date, and really until I joined this site I never thought it was that big of a deal. Maybe my failure to pay is really what doomed every date I've ever been on? Then I misunderstood you. I thought you literally thought someone would go out with you for a sandwich, and either way: in the cases of most people, they won't. Trust me. I don't think paying is a big deal, personally, but I cannot imagine a guy not offering to pay on a first date. It's literally never happened. Not even in Europe or countries where men supposedly don't pay for dates (but they knew I was American and obviously wanted to go out with an American gal). I've certainly insisted I pay my share on many first dates, but usually when I didn't plan a second. A guy not offering would be a, "Weird. What's that about?" for me (because it's different), but I don't know that it'd be a big deal in any way. I agree on the philosophy of small things/cheap things for first dates, personally. First dates should be as simple as possible.
sm1tten Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 When I go on a first date/meeting, regardless of whether we met online or off, I expect to pay for at least my share. Subsequent dates, if I invited you, I intend to pay for both of us; but at the same time, I'll keep expecting to pay for myself. In an actual relationship I usually go back and forth with the person - you get this, I'll get that - but when I'm just dating I don't leave my house without money for at least myself. I have never seen so much hang-wringing over who pays for what as I have on this board.
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I have never seen so much hang-wringing over who pays for what as I have on this board. You'd be surprised. I have a cousin who is on OKC and gets a lot of dates out of it, but he expects every girl to pay their half on first dates. He doesn't get many second dates. There's a reason why he's 35 and still single.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Rude - as a female in that situation I wouldn't just play dumb and have my back turned. I would notice that I wasn't paying my part and tell the cashier that I needed to pay. She clearly had no intention of paying. Did she say thank you? No which is why I made the decision this morning never to call her again or answer her phone calls. What's funny is she is not as cute as the girl I ust went on 5th date with and that girl offered to pay when we were on a first date. That girl is clearly out of her mind.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Forgetting all that, didn't anyone ever tell you that you are moving waaaaaaaaaaay too fast??? A first-ever meeting on a Tuesday night... and already planning a "6th date" for Friday, with someone who presumably hadn't even done/impressed enough to guarantee a "second date". Now either she was hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighly likely to have to finance some of the rest of the busy week, rendering you effectively 'even' at SOME point, or you were going to have to stretch the remaining $22.50 over five dates in ways that people on this board would be interested to learn. So, doing the math for you... $4.50 per date... is that always going dutch? or were you envisioning paying for two during some of those 'dates'? Do tell... the 6th date is with another girl
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I met a girl tonight for the first time at a cafe that served sandwiches, salads, and pizza. So when we stood up to order i let her go first and order er food and steppped to the side. So after the cashier totaled her order why didn't she tell the girl the final number so she could pay for it? So when it came time for me to order the girl told me the final number and said that will be $25.00. First of all I had only $35.00 in my wallet and expected to spend $15 on my food so I could keep the rest of the money for a possible 6th date on Friday. So I looked at the cashier and didn't want to make a scene and just threw the money at her while the girl back was turned. The fact that I'm unemployed I'm trying to plan my outings carefully and had no intentions on paying for her food. Still trying to figure out why the cashier never asked her to pay after she finished ordering or i don't know if the girl told the cashier "he will pay" So she may have disquaified herself from a second date because she defintely was supposed to have her wallet out when I let her order first. So annoyed right now. What I really want to know is.... HOW THE FACK you were planning on stretching $20 on 6 dates?????????????????????????????? THAT'S WHAT I REALLY WANT TO KNOW! :eek: Now you know. Don't be cute and halfassed chivalrous and let ladies order first! LOL!
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 If you are upset about spending 12 bucks on a date you should not be dating. Furthermore, you should not have internet service which is more costly than 12 bucks. This is harsh, but you need to save money. If you must date explain the girl you cannot spend money and go for a walk near the beach. Bring some sandwiches from home. And whatever you do----------------------do not blame your date. Yes because I had plans with that 12 bucks on the way home from the date. Plus I only get one unemployment check a month so I'm trying to spend wisely and hold on to as much as I can.
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Mistake one was going on a first date to a restaurant (especially since you're unemployed). Mistake two was letting the girl go in front of you. Should have paid for your food first. In any event, the fact that the ho walked away expecting you to pick up the tab and didn't offer to pitch in is telling. If she's so cheap that she's trying to save money on food by having guys pay for her meals, you don't want to be dating her. Restaurant or Deli?
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 What I really want to know is.... HOW THE FACK you were planning on stretching $20 on 6 dates?????????????????????????????? THAT'S WHAT I REALLY WANT TO KNOW! :eek: Now you know. Don't be cute and halfassed chivalrous and let ladies order first! LOL! I have a possible 6th date wth another girl tomorrow
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 He, at least, has an excuse: he's unemployed. She, on the other hand, is just a typical entitled female with no class. BTW, females with "class" usually get courted, invited and are accostumed to men who had etiquette. They wouldn't settle for much less. A gentleman doesn't throw $25 tantrums at a cashier.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 I kind of feel this way, to a degree. If a guy has me go in front at a stand-in-line restaurant, while I'm likely going to pull my wallet out or at least wait up there while we both order our food, I'm assuming --- based on my own experience --- there's a 99% chance he plans on paying. Same thing with a first date (and that'd be SUPER awkward on a first date since I haven't decided if I like the guy yet, and I do try to INSIST on paying my way, even if he waves me off, if I don't like the guy). But that just sounds like a bad first date setup all around. Awkward for everyone. Also, I thought you really liked the other girl you were dating, PD? Why a new 1st date? I do like her just looking for some possible dating insurance.
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 *sorry... Accustomed to. 5pm! Later suckas!
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Yes because I had plans with that 12 bucks on the way home from the date. Plus I only get one unemployment check a month so I'm trying to spend wisely and hold on to as much as I can. I hope you were not buying a dime and a "PHILLY"!
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 The place we went to usually has a waitress or waiter who seats you and then takes your order. I',m not sure if the waiters/waitresses were laid off to save money and have the customers juat order there food from the cashier. If we had a waiter it would have been easier for me to ask for her part of the bill when the check came
OliveOyl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I have a possible 6th date wth another girl tomorrow Sorry to veer off-topic. Is it just me, or does it seem strange to be on date #6 and still multi-dating? Although I'm not into it, I get the concept of multi-dating... I think. But by date #6 I was getting deep into my guy.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Sorry to veer off-topic. Is it just me, or does it seem strange to be on date #6 and still multi-dating? Although I'm not into it, I get the concept of multi-dating... I think. But by date #6 I was getting deep into my guy. Well I'm so used to falling back to ZERO OPTIONS so I wanted to see if I could meet atleast one other girl to confirm I won't hit ZERO no time soon. But we have yet to have a indoor date which is what I'm going to push for soon. I haven't made a move because all of our dates have been out in public. She did lay her head on my shoulder during a free movie on date 4 but that has been the only affection so far. Date 1-Ice Cream Date 2-Water Ice Date 3-Dinner and a Walk Date 4-Dinner and Free Movie-She treated Date 5-Brunch and Walk-We went dutch Date 6 is supposed to be a jazz concert but after that I'm not going to any more dates outside. It will have to be at her place or my place
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I do like her just looking for some possible dating insurance. Lame. Who wants to be your insurance? I cannot feel sorry for someone who is insincerely dating a person when they come across someone inconsiderate.
Cypress25 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 If you're unemployed and broke, you shouldn't be dating at all, let alone dating multiple girls at once. Why didn't you just tell the girl that you expected her to pay because you only had a few dollars to spend on all the other girls you're dating? Probably because you're aware that your behavior is shi.tty. If you thought there was nothing wrong with it, you would just admit it to her. I always offer to pay my half on dates, but I would still think the guy was rude and cheap if he didn't offer to pay for me. Especially if he's the one who asked me out and planned the date. If you can't even afford a $12.50 dinner date, then you have no business asking a girl out for dinner. It's not her fault that you're unemployed and it's not her fault that you're dating a dozen girls at once. I do like her just looking for some possible dating insurance.Clearly, you are a self-indulgent jackass from top to bottom. And you're taking it out on the girls. It's not their job to make it easier for you to date other girls. It's not their responsibility to be a cheap date to ensure that you'll have enough money left over for your other dates with other girls. Start taking responsibility for your own financial situation. And stop being a jerk, if it's not too much trouble.
zengirl Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 If you're unemployed and broke, you shouldn't be dating at all, let alone dating multiple girls at once. I didn't think there was anything wrong with his keeping up the thing he had BEFORE he was laid off (though I cannot imagine how they're only on date 6, as they were on date 4 or something then, and that was a few weeks ago) since he really liked the girl, he told her his situation, and I don't think it's healthy to stop being social just because you got laid off. I was bummed for PD and felt sorry for him 'cause it seemed like he really liked that girl and was worried his being laid off would ruin things. But clearly he doesn't like her THAT much. I multi-date in the beginning, but not once I already know I really like someone. That just seems weird.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 If you're unemployed and broke, you shouldn't be dating at all, let alone dating multiple girls at once. Why didn't you just tell the girl that you expected her to pay because you only had a few dollars to spend on all the other girls you're dating? Probably because you're aware that your behavior is shi.tty. If you thought there was nothing wrong with it, you would just admit it to her. I always offer to pay my half on dates, but I would still think the guy was rude and cheap if he didn't offer to pay for me. Especially if he's the one who asked me out and planned the date. If you can't even afford a $12.50 dinner date, then you have no business asking a girl out for dinner. It's not her fault that you're unemployed and it's not her fault that you're dating a dozen girls at once. Clearly, you are a self-indulgent jackass from top to bottom. And you're taking it out on the girls. It's not their job to make it easier for you to date other girls. It's not their responsibility to be a cheap date to ensure that you'll have enough money left over for your other dates with other girls. Start taking responsibility for your own financial situation. And stop being a jerk, if it's not too much trouble. Well I spent $34 on brunch on Monday and that's why I didn't plan on spending any money on Tuesday since it was a first meet and greet. And 12.50 is fine if it's a 2nd meeting not the first meeting.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 I didn't think there was anything wrong with his keeping up the thing he had BEFORE he was laid off (though I cannot imagine how they're only on date 6, as they were on date 4 or something then, and that was a few weeks ago) since he really liked the girl, he told her his situation, and I don't think it's healthy to stop being social just because you got laid off. I was bummed for PD and felt sorry for him 'cause it seemed like he really liked that girl and was worried his being laid off would ruin things. But clearly he doesn't like her THAT much. I multi-date in the beginning, but not once I already know I really like someone. That just seems weird. It's because of so many years of experiencing the "Quiet fade off" that I always think that a girl can disappear at anytime and not say why. So that's i wanted to possibly meet one other person to make sure I don't end up with nobody. But I have experience so much failure that i still think a girl can disappear after 6 dates
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Date 1-Ice Cream Date 2-Water Ice Date 3-Dinner and a Walk Date 4-Dinner and Free Movie-She treated Date 5-Brunch and Walk-We went dutch Date 6 is supposed to be a jazz concert but after that I'm not going to any more dates outside. It will have to be at her place or my place I actually went back to my spreadsheet from 7 years ago to see what the first five dates with my wife were like, for comparisons sake: Date 1 -- dinner, followed by a long walk around the city, I paid ($100) Date 2 -- dinner, followed by a few games of pool, I paid for dinner ($75), she paid for pool ($10-20?) Date 3 -- ordered in sushi and watched a movie at my place, she paid ($25-35?) Date 4 -- dinner, followed by drinks at a lounge and an all-night make-out session at my place, I paid ($260 for dinner, $35 for drinks) Date 5 -- she came over late, all-night make-out session at my place, followed by sex the next morning (no cost) Moral of the story -- man up and show the woman a good time if you want to get laid/married.
Cypress25 Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Well I spent $34 on brunch on Monday and that's why I didn't plan on spending any money on Tuesday since it was a first meet and greet. And 12.50 is fine if it's a 2nd meeting not the first meeting. You're obviously operating by your own set of rules. It's traditional for the man to pay (or at least offer to pay) on the first date. It's more common for women to pay for subsequent dates. And like I said, it's not her fault that you spent $34 on brunch the previous day. She's not responsible for your budget. You are. If you can't afford a cheap dinner date, then don't ask a girl out for dinner. You should always be prepared to pay, even if you don't think you should have to. You didn't plan to spend any money on Tuesday, and yet you planned a date for Tuesday? Maybe you should try living within your means, instead of expecting these girls to accommodate a cheap bastard such as yourself. You're using this girl as "dating insurance" AND you expect her to pay her own way on a first date? So basically she's supposed to pay for the privilege of being used by you?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I actually went back to my spreadsheet from 7 years ago to see what the first five dates with my wife were like, for comparisons sake: Date 1 -- dinner, followed by a long walk around the city, I paid ($100) Date 2 -- dinner, followed by a few games of pool, I paid for dinner ($75), she paid for pool ($10-20?) Date 3 -- ordered in sushi and watched a movie at my place, she paid ($25-35?) Date 4 -- dinner, followed by drinks at a lounge and an all-night make-out session at my place, I paid ($260 for dinner, $35 for drinks) Date 5 -- she came over late, all-night make-out session at my place, followed by sex the next morning (no cost) Moral of the story -- man up and show the woman a good time if you want to get laid/married. And that's how it's done.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 You're obviously operating by your own set of rules. It's traditional for the man to pay (or at least offer to pay) on the first date. It's more common for women to pay for subsequent dates. And like I said, it's not her fault that you spent $34 on brunch the previous day. She's not responsible for your budget. You are. If you can't afford a cheap dinner date, then don't ask a girl out for dinner. You should always be prepared to pay, even if you don't think you should have to. You didn't plan to spend any money on Tuesday, and yet you planned a date for Tuesday? Maybe you should try living within your means, instead of expecting these girls to accommodate a cheap bastard such as yourself. You're using this girl as "dating insurance" AND you expect her to pay her own way on a first date? So basically she's supposed to pay for the privilege of being used by you? I was saying that i paid 34 dollars and it's not a problem if I like you so paying 12.50 is not a issue if it's beyond a first date. So if things went well with her on date 1 I would have made it possible to pay on date 2.
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