funnyface Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I thought I was doing great... I ended things 11 days ago, NC for 5 days. We had been barely speaking for weeks, then he completely didn't contact me for 2 weeks.. I broke it off because I was DYING not speaking and still calling it a "relationship". I thought not speaking before the break up would have made it easier!!! I've been doing my everyday things, had a few crying episodes but not many (most of my crying occurred when he behavior changed). I've had the emotional rollercoaster but have stayed up more than down... Now for NO REASON, I have such a sudden overflow of pain... as much as I tell myself I did the right thing, that even though he said he was "depressed", I was right for not putting up with being treated like ****, as much as I want to forget him and find someone better.... I not only realize that he is gone from my life, but that he is moving across the country, and won't even ever be AROUND. He was not my first love, but what we had was so good, he made promises, we loved each other.... and everything changed literally overnight. I'm having all those horrible thoughts that I will never love anyone again, I'll never feel what I felt for him for anyone else in the world... I'm realizing he is gone, that I might not ever speak to him again, wondering if he's lying, if he'll come back... I know you all know this, I'm sorry if any of you are thinking "yeah, tell me something I DON'T already know", but it hurts SO SO SO BAD I just hate thinking about the future, realizing he's not in it, and even WORSE... trying to find someone else. which just seems impossible to me now. really just needed to vent, this is the worst I have felt since I broke it off...
Buttercup84 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Oh babe I'm so sorry . We all feel the same . I felt horrible for the first week then ok for three weeks now I'm in a lot of pain too . It's normal to go through this .
danceallday Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 funnyface, we are ALL going through the same thing you are. Breathe, keep strong, be good to yourself, do not blame yourself. You are in the mourning phase and are also mourning the visions of what you wanted. Keep posting on this site, talk to non-judgmental friends, pamper yourself, write in a journal. I also like this site: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-rose/ Be well. Good luck.
123BeachFan Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I know what you must be feeling. This morning the rage was gone, and I keep weeping uncontrollably. I liked the rage better, this part is a lot more painful.
ConfusedT Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 aww honey. its ok. it happens to ALL of us. We are so good and then bam, the emotions resurface. from what i understand, as i dont have much experience with it except going through it, they will continue to go up and down for a while. i totally understand how you feel you cant live without him, but you will. Life will go on, it just takes time. We broke up a month ago and i thought to myself that my world was over, like my life was over. But it isn't.' it's the pain of losing the person you love, its a deep cut! some are deeper than others and take longer to heal, but the point is, with time and NC and focusing on yourself, they will heal. i have had major setbacks from breaking NC multiple times, but for the first time, with help from my family, my friends, my son =) & everyone here on LS, i actually feel that this time is going to be different! read all these posts and see that everyone is going through something similar and we are all here to listen and understand!
Author funnyface Posted August 25, 2011 Author Posted August 25, 2011 Thank you so much, all of you. Thank you for listening. Just needed to vent.... I've been working a lot since things started going badly with the relationship (not by choice, just how it happened to turn out), so I feel that its a combination of stress and also not really having a lot of time to think about the break up? Like I mentioned, I really haven't cried ALL that much about it, but it just hit me last night realllll bad. Today was much better... talked to my best friend, who said I need someone who is strong, who is confident in themselves, so they don't have these kinds of issues, and can just take care of me and be there for me. My ex was WONDERFUL to me, but did have low self esteem. And I just still can't believe how he shut me out and is going through such issues. Hearing her say that was a big wake up call, that even if I were to try again with my ex someday, he needs to be strong, settled, and happy with himself. That may or may not ever happen, but now I realize that is what I need, whether it comes from him or someone else! The roller coaster is just so exhausting. All I can say is, LS has been a God send so far!!!!!!
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