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Personal question for women: does sex become full and boring if you start using a toy

FrustratedStandards

By FrustratedStandards
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FrustratedStandards Established Member

FrustratedStandards

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I have been contemplating getting a toy for a long time now, but the only reason I hesitate is that i'm scared sex will become worse or dull/boring because I will have something better.

 

Is this the case?

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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No way does sex get boring if you start using a toy.

 

What CAN happen is that if you get one of those kick-ass vibrators and you use it a lot, your clit can become desensitized so that having an orgasm others ways (fingers, tongue) can be more difficult.

 

There was a point where I became reliant on the toy and it took forever for me to get off with my hand, so I make sure to not over-use the toy.

 

It is a different kind of orgasm than through sex, but even now -- when I'm in between lovers -- I still crave the touch of a human and my toy is just inconsequential.

sm1tten Established Member

sm1tten

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No. But if it does, bring the toy along.

ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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From what I've read, this is a real issue, and you should get a non-vibrating toy if you are really concerned about this issue. If you get a really good vibrator (rabbit) then you can be almost assured that normal sex with a man will seem more boring and harder to enjoy. If I were, say, a fat ugly chick who had given up on men, I'd be buying all sorts of toys to enjoy myself on my own. If I was a reasonably attractive woman and had a lot of hope of meeting a guy some day... well knowing me I'd probably have bought the rabbit vibrators anyway, and then ruined things for myself. I'm a guy and I've sort of done a similar thing, ruining my chances at a normal sex life by using porn all these years. Hope that helps!

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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From what I've read, this is a real issue, and you should get a non-vibrating toy if you are really concerned about this issue. If you get a really good vibrator (rabbit) then you can be almost assured that normal sex with a man will seem more boring and harder to enjoy. If I were, say, a fat ugly chick who had given up on men, I'd be buying all sorts of toys to enjoy myself on my own. If I was a reasonably attractive woman and had a lot of hope of meeting a guy some day... well knowing me I'd probably have bought the rabbit vibrators anyway, and then ruined things for myself. I'm a guy and I've sort of done a similar thing, ruining my chances at a normal sex life by using porn all these years. Hope that helps!

 

no no don't listen to this post, it's nonsense

 

A toy doesn't replace intimacy with someone you love or get on with very well, that aspect of sex doesn't go away. Using toys brings different kinds of pleasure because it's a different stimulation, it allows you to get to know your body better.

  • 3 weeks later...
ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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no no don't listen to this post, it's nonsense

 

A toy doesn't replace intimacy with someone you love or get on with very well, that aspect of sex doesn't go away. Using toys brings different kinds of pleasure because it's a different stimulation, it allows you to get to know your body better.

 

That aspect does exist, and I also didn't say all toys. I specifically said the really 'good' vibrators like rabbits. I've read quite a few complaints from women who got addicted to them and couldn't get satisfied by men anymore, lamenting their decision. It's a real problem and it exists. But if she wants to risk having to use her rabbit vibe while having sex with the guy to get enough pleasure out of it, she can make that decision if she wants.

 

* Note also that I'm a guy who would find the use of a toy a turn-on, and an indication that the girl is interested in pleasure and not hung-up or frigid. However, if I couldn't satisfy her on my own, I'm not sure how I would feel about that. The use of toys in that instance would be positive and negative. I'd still recommend avoiding the rabbit and getting a "normal" vibe or maybe even non-vibrating toys.

Edited by ChessPieceFace
Cypress25 Established Member

Cypress25

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I can't imagine how a sex toy (vibrating or otherwise) could ever take the place of real sex with a real person. Unless this sex toy has hands and a mouth and can kiss you and caress you all over, that is. Pleasure is not limited to the vagina. There's so much more to sex that makes it pleasurable, and you just can't get that from a toy.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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No, not at all. Nothing compares to a real-life warm person. A toy can't replicate the sensuality of the experience of making love, the touching, stroking, massaging and caressing, nor can it kiss and tell you you are beautiful. A toy may even be bigger than a guy, if you are comparing size alone, but it is not alive and part of the person. There is not the thrill of feeling some of what he is feeling when inside and knowing how aroused he is getting. A toy does not give you the excitement of feeling him climax within you, feeling the throbbing, and hearing that ecstasy in his voice and the change in his breathing. A toy does not hug you afterwards and make you feel appreciated. There is just no comparison.

AHardDaysNight Established Member

AHardDaysNight

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No, not at all. Nothing compares to a real-life warm person. A toy can't replicate the sensuality of the experience of making love, the touching, stroking, massaging and caressing, nor can it kiss and tell you you are beautiful. A toy may even be bigger than a guy, if you are comparing size alone, but it is not alive and part of the person. There is not the thrill of feeling some of what he is feeling when inside and knowing how aroused he is getting. A toy does not give you the excitement of feeling him climax within you, feeling the throbbing, and hearing that ecstasy in his voice and the change in his breathing. A toy does not hug you afterwards and make you feel appreciated. There is just no comparison.

 

Well said.

 

A fleshlight doesn't compare to a real living girl, either.

ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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Fleshlights are awful though. I own a bunch of different fleshlight sleeves, they are really poor toys. They're so squishy they don't give adequate sensation, or the tight ones give too much because they can't stay properly lubed. The material is nothing like flesh in all honesty. I'm dismayed at the state of male toys, there's really nothing good out there that I've seen. There's no comparison with female toys.

 

If any woman here has actually used a newer RABBIT vibe and would state "I still enjoy men and like men better" then that would actually say something. If you haven't tried one then you don't have a basis to refute my claims reported from women who have used them.

Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

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I was scared of this too!

 

My boyfriend loves when we use toys during sex, and they add spice to our sex life. Sometimes we use them, sometimes we don't. :)

AHardDaysNight Established Member

AHardDaysNight

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Fleshlights are awful though. I own a bunch of different fleshlight sleeves, they are really poor toys. They're so squishy they don't give adequate sensation, or the tight ones give too much because they can't stay properly lubed. The material is nothing like flesh in all honesty. I'm dismayed at the state of male toys, there's really nothing good out there that I've seen. There's no comparison with female toys.

 

I was curious about this, since I've never tried a fleshlight, and was thinking about getting one. Thanks for letting me know that I shouldn't waste my money!

denise_xo Established Member

denise_xo

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I think both CPF and those arguing against him have valid points. I think a whole lot depends on what your sex life is like from the outset. If you are in a relationship where your sex life isn't satisfying, I think there is a real chance of toys becoming 'better', at least in terms of purely sexual stimulation. True, toys can't replace intimacy and intimacy is wonderful, but intimacy on its own also can't do the job. I second those who say introduce it to a partner if you are already in a relationship. Then you can get the best of both.

 

What is your motivation for getting a toy? Are you single? If you are getting one because you're unhappy with your sex life with a partner, that's a different issue than getting one because you're single. I think context is needed and there's not a one fit all answer to this question.

ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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I was curious about this, since I've never tried a fleshlight, and was thinking about getting one. Thanks for letting me know that I shouldn't waste my money!

 

If you like being slowly tortured to climax, or sex with not much pressure, they might interest you. If you do get one, I'd recommend the Wonder Wave texture and the butt orifice -- both for actual sensation, and because those two choices will help hold in lube and keep it distributed so it functions properly.

 

To be fair, they have three new textures I never tried: super ribbed, speed bump and vortex. It's possible those would be good, especially the super ribbed, I don't know. The original and super tight are both useless to me - either too cavernous or too tight, and neither one holds lube, so you end up with a dry toy very quickly. One of the main problems, other than the overly squishy material, is that you CANNOT use any oil-based lube since it will destroy the toy. (This was not known at first, and I destroyed my first sleeve by using oil lube.) Water-based just evaporates or leaks out too quickly. Having to constantly reapply lube, and/or having it dry out just at the "wrong time" really kind of kills it.

 

That said, I own several of them and use them maybe ... a few times a year.

 

If anyone knows of any male toys that provide good sensation and stay lubed, let me know. I tried one other toy, some kind of venus something or other, basically a mini squishy sleeve with a hilariously tiny hole. I could barely get the thing on without strangling my member. Maybe it requires a micropenis? Lol. And it baffles me why man hasn't created the perfect BJ machine yet...

Edited by ChessPieceFace
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I had the opposite experience. Sex with a partner became better once I started using sex toys. The toys helped me figure out what feels good, what turns me on and what doesn't. I could then apply this new found knowledge onto our sex life. The whole thing has been very liberating.

bac Established Member

bac

Posted
Posted
I have been contemplating getting a toy for a long time now, but the only reason I hesitate is that i'm scared sex will become worse or dull/boring because I will have something better.

 

Is this the case?

 

Sex might only become dull/boring because of a wrong partner. If you are with a wrong guy, sex is bad no matter what.

In fact, a woman needs both a toy and a guy. She needs a toy for the only physical relaxation and a guy to meet her emotional/social/physical needs ( to feel good about yourself, loved, desirable, and many other ).

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