loverboy1984 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I know this question has been asked before but I believe everyone is different and I thought I ask. My ex has her birthday next week. We had been together for 6yrs and I always did something special for her. Me and my family always celebrated her birthday but her friends never showed up. Recently she came to my city to visit her friends here and didnt even see me or my family, instead she came to pick up her stuff which I left for her outside. We are in NC for 5months but she does contact me once a month to congratulate me on a test I took or wish me happy 4th of july, or tell me that she is coming to get her stuff. She is civil but checked out. I know that she would wish me happy birthday but I dont care for that. She has hurt me more than anyone and I want to not wish her happy birthday. What message does it convey to her if I dont do anything but she does? should I just do it and maintain civility?
danceallday Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I had a previous long term relationship that I messed up bad. He still emails me on my bday every year, even 12 years after we broke up. He is a good guy and will always have a special place in my heart. I always, always appreciate his email.
confused1989 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Do what's best for you and don't worry about what she thinks or what message it may or may not convey. My ex's birthday was almost immediately after we broke up (it was a rough breakup) and I was back and forth about texting her or not. I still cared for her so I did decide to wish her a happy birthday. In the long run it didn't change anything between me and her, we barely spoke a word after that and she still ran off with her new boyfriend not long after we broke up. When we first broke up I used to worry about the message that I would convey to her by doing or not doing certain things. It's now been 5-6 months since we broke up and I really am to the point where I could care less about her or what she thinks of me now. So in my opinion, like Nohbody also said, say happy birthday if you want to and if you truly mean it, but don't say it just to convey a message to her and don't do it just because she did it. Do what's best for you because in the long whether you wish her happy birthday or not probably won't change much.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 The reason I dont want to do it is because she came here from across the country to get her stuff and didnt even care to see me or call me. She just asked me if Im gonna be home for her to get her stuff, then she came late and I had left. I dont think she realized what an @sshole move that was. Yet she says oh I wish I could have seen you. I have always been a big part of her life but I want my absence to be felt. I dont want to surrender and be nice. Yet I dont see any harm in doing it and dont want to come across as a bitter person, even though I am.
PegNosePete Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I believe everyone is different No, really, they're not all that different. Sure there are minor differences but basically we're all human and work in similar ways. Your ex sounds no different than the million other ex's in all the other "should I send a happy birthday" threads. She has hurt me more than anyone and I want to not wish her happy birthday. So why are you even asking the question? Dude if you don't want to then don't. You are not her puppy dog or her keeper and you are not responsible for her happiness or her life. She hurt you, why on earth are you even considering wishing her a happy birthday? If you're NC then do NC properly. Stop replying to her or contacting her in any other way whatsoever. She's got her stuff now so she can F off forever, right?
Emilia Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Probably best if you don't say anything. She might reply if you text her and if you don't wish to get into some meaningless chit chat it's best if you don't initiate it
radiodarcy Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I know that she would wish me happy birthday but I dont care for that. She has hurt me more than anyone and I want to not wish her happy birthday. What message does it convey to her if I dont do anything but she does? should I just do it and maintain civility? it sounds like you have already answered your question. why would you want to wish a happy anything to someone who hurt you in such a way? if you don't want to wish her a happy birthday then don't. you are under no obligation to do so. when my ex's birthday rolled around i really didn't feel like sending him anything and i didn't. i didn't care how he perceived it either. NC isn't about our exes it's about us and our healing. so i would suggest that you just stick to NC and don't say anything to her on that day.
shortee143 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I wouldnt. My exes bday is 2 weeks before mine and it is coming up and I have no intention of wishing him a happy bday. He is in my life and I see him often...yet all he has left me with is a bad taste in my mouth at this point. Like said above, why would you want to wish someone who hurt you terribly a "happy" anything. It isnt about being civil or immature, I just think it is not necessary. I sure as heck dont expect a text from him on my bday.
shayla Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I would never have anything to say to her again. Only you know if you want to do this. I don't see this as anything but a lose/lose proposition. If she does not respond, you will feel pissed off and hurt all over again. If she does respond, she will give you mixed message, and you will still be hurt all over again. Her breadcrumbs, her ignoring you. Ugh either one of those sucks.
FinOuch Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I would say the answer should depend on whether you have anything to gain by doing so. For example... I wish one of my ex's happy birthday every year, and vice versa. But, at the same time, we have had the same mutual friends since high school and will inevitably see each other at least a couple of times per year. So, in his case, it serves both of us a purpose to be civil and foster good will towards each other. It keeps things from getting awkward in those big get togethers with our mutual friends. The other ex. Well. He hurt me bad. I have no ties to him. So f*ck him. He will never get any sort of holiday, birthday, or congratulatory text from me.
stillafool Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 What message does it convey to her if I dont do anything but she does? should I just do it and maintain civility? It says that you are over her and the relationship. Why even worry about it since you two are through. No don't wish her anything. Keep moving on.
flitzanu Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 she will laugh and mock you to all her friends if you do, and point out how desperate you are.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 Thank you all. I am not gonna do anything. I dont care what she thinks. She not a priority in my life and she needs to feel my absence. I dont care if she wished me happy birthday either. Her words are meaningless at this point.
flitzanu Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Thank you all. I am not gonna do anything. I dont care what she thinks. She not a priority in my life and she needs to feel my absence. I dont care if she wished me happy birthday either. Her words are meaningless at this point. +1. now repeat this many times and MEAN it.
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