SlowDancer Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Alright, I've been with my wife since I was 18, her 16. I'm now 36 and she's 35 respectively. We've always had a good relationship, but she would often say I don't give her enough attention. I would make a point of giving her attention. I have told her though this is what she gets. I have a good job, great father, great man. I told her time and time again, I love her. I don't think she hears. My job required me to travel alot. We lived overseas for a few years, she returned last summer early, because we bought a new house, and I returned late winter. She started partying a lot. Mostly hanging out with friends, but I realized it was getting out of hand. I kept thinking she'll run her course etc. Well two weeks ago, I found out in March/April she cheated on me with another guy. A friend that "listened' to her. This happened 5 times over a course of about three weeks. Since finding out, she said she's actually relieved because the guilt was taking a toll on her. She said she knew she f'd up and stopped it. She says she realized now how much I really love her. And frankly, I realize how much I love her. BUT... she messed up big time. I don't know whether to forgive or not. We have built a life together, and I'm not sure what to do. One part of me wants to seperate, because no matter what. THat's the one mistake you don't make. But again, we've built our life. Real quick though, I caught her, because she was talking to another guy recently. Even sent pictures of her breast. Dirty talk, etc. Nothing major, and don't think she would have cheated here, because this guy is deployed, and station in Wyoming. It's an old friend. Should I give her a second chance. We have two children, and I believe she does love me, as I do her. But is this a mistake that can be rendered. I mean, I keep playing it over and over in my mind. It doesn't make me as sick as the first week, but it still hurts a lot.
Seraph1 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Real quick though, I caught her, because she was talking to another guy recently. Even sent pictures of her breast. Dirty talk, etc. Nothing major, and don't think she would have cheated here, because this guy is deployed, and station in Wyoming. It's an old friend. Should I give her a second chance. We have two children, and I believe she does love me, as I do her. But is this a mistake that can be rendered. I mean, I keep playing it over and over in my mind. It doesn't make me as sick as the first week, but it still hurts a lot. It seems like she didn't just cheat with you a while ago... she is continuing with her inappropriate behaviour. Particularly when this person is a friend...if dirty talk and sending pictures of your breast to a friend isn't inappropriate then I clearly need to be re-educated. While she may not have crossed a physical line just yet (maybe she already had with this friend) then her continued contact with him is likely to have lead to a physical affair. I can tell that you want your partnership to work and your family to stay together. However, this is only going to happen if your partner is able to change her behaviour and make a committed effort to fixing what is wrong in your relationship. This means stopping inappropriate behaviour immediately and the both of you having honest communication with each other. There seems to be a lot of work involved in saving this relationship and you are going to need to think long and hard about it. I've been through a divorce and it wasn't easy. However, I am a happier person now than I was in my marriage. Sometimes relationships run their course and are not meant to be saved. Only you can decide. Good luck.
sillysmart Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 A marriage, kids a life together is always worth saving if you can do it. Adultery, betrayal the images in your mind will haunt you for a long time to come. She needs to really take the time to understand the total betrayal. I am sure because you got married so young yada, yada, yada all is in her rational. But you have to keep putting in effort to a marriage and keep recommitting. The marriage needs work obviously and you will have to find out what it is you need to change. But stay in it and the images will take some time to work thru even years. But you can rebuild trust and you can set some things in place accountablility etc to rebuild trust and commitment. MC will be essential but find someone who believes in marriages. Many "marriage counselors" feel it is there job just to help people figure out what they want to do? A good counselor should ask about commitment right away and work from there. Sorry about your pain...I know part of you just died inside and you are sick, in shock and be prepared you are going to become very angry....But yes I think you should give a second chance.
John Michael Kane Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Alright, I've been with my wife since I was 18, her 16. I'm now 36 and she's 35 respectively. We've always had a good relationship, but she would often say I don't give her enough attention. I would make a point of giving her attention. I have told her though this is what she gets. I have a good job, great father, great man. I told her time and time again, I love her. I don't think she hears. My job required me to travel alot. We lived overseas for a few years, she returned last summer early, because we bought a new house, and I returned late winter. She started partying a lot. Mostly hanging out with friends, but I realized it was getting out of hand. I kept thinking she'll run her course etc. Well two weeks ago, I found out in March/April she cheated on me with another guy. A friend that "listened' to her. This happened 5 times over a course of about three weeks. Since finding out, she said she's actually relieved because the guilt was taking a toll on her. She said she knew she f'd up and stopped it. She says she realized now how much I really love her. And frankly, I realize how much I love her. BUT... she messed up big time. I don't know whether to forgive or not. We have built a life together, and I'm not sure what to do. One part of me wants to seperate, because no matter what. THat's the one mistake you don't make. But again, we've built our life. Real quick though, I caught her, because she was talking to another guy recently. Even sent pictures of her breast. Dirty talk, etc. Nothing major, and don't think she would have cheated here, because this guy is deployed, and station in Wyoming. It's an old friend. Should I give her a second chance. We have two children, and I believe she does love me, as I do her. But is this a mistake that can be rendered. I mean, I keep playing it over and over in my mind. It doesn't make me as sick as the first week, but it still hurts a lot. She''s unremorseful and still cheating. And sending pictures of her tits to another guy is a big deal. Anyway it looks like you're taking up for her: If the guy wasn't deployed most likely she would've slept with him, but she still cheated on you by sending naked pics to other guys. She's a serial cheater and she will not stop. Divorce her.
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