Challenger Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Hey guys. I wanted to take a few moments and write to you some thoughts that I've been having lately. A lot of times guys/girls will have great first dates with people only to have them flake out on the second meet up or maybe you met someone on a dating site , had great email chats, and made plans to meet up only to have them flake out last minute. I know because this has also happened to me. I use to spend a lot of time thinking what I did or could have done to stop it from happening. Maybe I wasn't good looking enough, maybe I talked too much, maybe I took her to the wrong place.....ect ect. All that stoped when I realized one thing... I wasn't respecting myself first! I was always worrying about what I did wrong when In reality I should have been saying, You know what! I'm a great, fun guy that has a lot to offer. if she didn't see that then it's her lose. Who knows why people make the decisions they do, but the one thing I do know is it's not worth your time to try and understand the reasons why. Don't waste one more minute on it, it's taking time away from the people who do want to meet you! Challenger
Casablanca Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I'm sure guys do it too, dont need to single out the ladies I was always worrying about what I did wrong when In reality I should have been saying When one comes to realize this, that what one says or does cannot really screw things up if the other person is really interested in you it is a great feeling and makes everything a lot easier/worry free...as long as you dont say creepy things or call/text them a million times a day, you're really not gonna scare them away if they are interested
Eddie Edirol Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Youre not supposed to get attached to anyone at least for the first month so you wont lose out emotionally if they flake on you. Youre suppsoed to take their acts with a grain of salt. When I go on dates, or women give me their number, I always assume they will flake at some point. They will flake when I text them,then they will flake when I suggest a meet,then they will flake on meeting me there,then they will flake on liking me,then they will flake on a kiss at the end of the night,then they will flake on agreeing to go out again. I assume every step of the way that they will flake. That way when they do, Im never surprised or disappointed. if they dont, Im pleasantly surprised. Keeps me from getting my hopes up about anyone, and it keeps me from looking forward to dates. Looking forward breeds expectations, and I just treat it as meeting up with whatever, not some great woman.
Author Challenger Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 I assume every step of the way that they will flake. That way when they do, Im never surprised or disappointed. if they dont, Im pleasantly surprised. Keeps me from getting my hopes up about anyone, and it keeps me from looking forward to dates. Looking forward breeds expectations, and I just treat it as meeting up with whatever, not some great woman. I can understand this thinking but It sounds like your putting a guard up to protect yourself. I never assume someone will flake, I assume that there very attracted to me and wants to be with me. even if they may not it helps my confidence if I assume attraction. When someone flakes it still hurts and always will. all I'm saying is understand those feelings then realize that you value yourself enough not to let it get you down.
Author Challenger Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 sorry for the typo's guy's:confused:
Tayla Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Unconfuse me here, so basically be out for yourself and not be on an equal play field when going on dates? I regard those I go out with and vice versa there is very little "gee I gotta respect myself first and be dern with how they think or regard matters"....Again maybe I am mis-reading the context ....so I leave it to the poster to elaborate.
dasein Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I'm sure guys do it too, dont need to single out the ladies Well... other than the fact that women flake 10x more than men in early dating. OP you have learned a great lesson, when you project that you are to be impressed by them, without crossing the line into arrogance, you will find your flake problem will evaporate overnight. Seems childish and bizarre, but absolutely true.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I can understand this thinking but It sounds like your putting a guard up to protect yourself. I never assume someone will flake, I assume that there very attracted to me and wants to be with me. even if they may not it helps my confidence if I assume attraction. When someone flakes it still hurts and always will. all I'm saying is understand those feelings then realize that you value yourself enough not to let it get you down. Its not a guard, theres no reason to get attached to someone when you dont know if they are on the same page. They are feeling you out, they arent building a life with you in their heads. So its not protecting myself, its just not going all in in the first place. I already KNOW they are attracted to me for some reason, I just have to find out if its the right reason. Until I find that out, I dont put my heart into it. It keeps me objective, and keeps me from getting attached to incompatible dates. See thats the problem with many of the people coming into love shack. They are so "in love" that they dont realize they arent at all compatible with the person thats dumping them.
Recommended Posts