brad.crosley Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I've slowly come to the realization that I absolutely want a divorce. The problem is I have two daughters (that I adore). My plan was to wait to till they're out of the house to make my move, but I'm starting to second guess that strategy. I'm wondering if it will make things worse when it comes to how the finances are divided. Also, it's not like a divorce while the kids are in college means it's easy to have your parents go through one. The situation is, I make a good living (over $250k a year), and I didn't really start making good money until this year. I have about a million dollars in assets. She really hasn't had a job since I proposed to her, but she actually has about $1.5-$2.0 million in her Trust account in her name that she had when we got married (that she has NEVER shared) Now, I don't want a penny of her money, my ideal scenario would be she takes what's hers and I take what I earned and we separate. She is healthy, has a college degree, is a millionaire, etc. and can work for a living just like I do. Any idea on how a judge will separate our finances? The child support I'm not worried about, what I am worried about is alimony, which in my opinion is completely unjustified for this situation. Any help would be appreciated.
Tiberius Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I am guessing there will be no way around alimony at least for a limited ammount of time.
shawnshady Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I'am going through something similar so my best advice to you is to go listen to this recording about divorce and separations and get a real good attorney asap because if you don't your liable to lose at lot in a short amount of time especially if children are involved. http://www.ingenio.com/Dr Draper I've slowly come to the realization that I absolutely want a divorce. The problem is I have two daughters (that I adore). My plan was to wait to till they're out of the house to make my move, but I'm starting to second guess that strategy. I'm wondering if it will make things worse when it comes to how the finances are divided. Also, it's not like a divorce while the kids are in college means it's easy to have your parents go through one. The situation is, I make a good living (over $250k a year), and I didn't really start making good money until this year. I have about a million dollars in assets. She really hasn't had a job since I proposed to her, but she actually has about $1.5-$2.0 million in her Trust account in her name that she had when we got married (that she has NEVER shared) Now, I don't want a penny of her money, my ideal scenario would be she takes what's hers and I take what I earned and we separate. She is healthy, has a college degree, is a millionaire, etc. and can work for a living just like I do. Any idea on how a judge will separate our finances? The child support I'm not worried about, what I am worried about is alimony, which in my opinion is completely unjustified for this situation. Any help would be appreciated.
fltc Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 An attorney can give you advice that we can't. Find a good one. My guess is the least you'll need to pay, after everything is divided up, will be a some kind of mantainance for a specific time period. Make sure you have solid proof of exactly what funds she has!
PegNosePete Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 With that amount of assets you can certainly afford the services of an attorney. Any amateur advice you get here will be just that, and where the assets are so high, will be wildly inaccurate.
GorillaTheater Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 LIke others are saying, you need professional advice for this one, but I'll offer this: don't just talk to divorce attorneys, also spend some time with attorneys who specialize in estate planning. There may be ways to preserve assets in your situation, but it's an area I know next to nothing about.
123BeachFan Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 The division of assets, trust fund, alimony, and child support all depend on the laws specific for your state. At attorney will certainly advise you in a way that no one on here can do. Best of luck.
sally4sara Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 How does she contribute to the household? Do you still pay for external child care? Do you still pay for external household upkeep? Would your expenses have been higher to raise children if your wife had say - died in childbirth? Or has she been an idle Ladies Who Lunch kind of partner? Were any investments made with her trust that profited you both after the amount was repaid to the trust? Did you wait for marriage after college or did you do the pretty common cohabitation couple situation where she worked while you went to school? What are the ground for divorce? Simple boredom after X amount of years? Infidelity? Depending on the sate you're in the answers to these questions could help or hurt you.
worldgonewrong Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Is it possible to ask about some of the background? Is she cheating on you? Are you cheating on her? Has the marriage just gone cold? Have either of you tried to work it out? How old are the kids? These are not accusatory questions, mind you; just trying to understand the circumstances surrounding this.
Author brad.crosley Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 How does she contribute to the household? Do you still pay for external child care? Do you still pay for external household upkeep? Would your expenses have been higher to raise children if your wife had say - died in childbirth? Or has she been an idle Ladies Who Lunch kind of partner? Were any investments made with her trust that profited you both after the amount was repaid to the trust? Did you wait for marriage after college or did you do the pretty common cohabitation couple situation where she worked while you went to school? What are the ground for divorce? Simple boredom after X amount of years? Infidelity? Depending on the sate you're in the answers to these questions could help or hurt you. I'll try to answer several questions in the thread. Regarding expenses, I pay the overwhelming majority of living expenses, but she'll pay for things like her car. Meanwhile, her trust just keeps racking up dollars. She's definitely a "Ladies Who Lunch" kind of partner (but that doesn't keep her from constantly complaining, meanwhile every one of her girlfriends works) We have a house cleaner, we have to eat out constantly, I end up doing WAY more house duties than someone who's working full time while she's at home all day without a job, etc. Neither one paid for the others' education, we both got married after graduating college with no debt and no cohabitation. Regarding why I want a divorce, it's not an infidelity situation or boredom, I just don't think I can spend the rest of my life with this person. My absolute biggest regret in life is marrying her, yet I love my children more than anything. I find myself constantly trying to separate myself from being around her (I actually LIKE being at work because I don't have to be at home with her)The absolute ONLY reason it's lasted this long is because of the children, if we were childless, I would have been out the door a LONG time ago. I'm the type that always hated how prevalent divorce is, but I honestly don't know what it's going to prove for me to be miserable for the rest of my life. Even my family members who are old-fashioned (to say the least) and started out really like her are also to the point where they would like me to get a divorce (but AFTER the kids are raised) Regarding an attorney, obviously I wouldn't proceed without a good one, but I like to get some basic answers before I go down that road. I guess the main one is, are you better off waiting until the kids are out of the house before you separate? I'm unhappy, but I can stick it out if that's the case. My fear is, the longer I'm with her, the longer I'll have to support her after the divorce.
Mauschen Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 In my state, assets are usually split 50/50 and child support is ordered to be paid by the non-custodial parent (likely to be you since you work and she doesn't). Most states have an online calculator you can use to determine the amount of the support. Why do you regret marrying your wife? Does she know how you feel? Maybe if she did, she would be willing to work on herself and make some positive changes.
Author brad.crosley Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 In my state, assets are usually split 50/50 and child support is ordered to be paid by the non-custodial parent (likely to be you since you work and she doesn't). Most states have an online calculator you can use to determine the amount of the support. Why do you regret marrying your wife? Does she know how you feel? Maybe if she did, she would be willing to work on herself and make some positive changes. I'm probably just going to wait until at least one of the kids are out of the house, I just think it's going to be a lot cleaner if there isn't any custody issues involved. I will probably have to pay some sort of support (as absurd as that is since she's a millionaire that's worth more than I am and has been able to live without a job and her expenses paid all the while she's gotten richer) but I'm hoping it will be extremely difficult for her to justify to a judge to have some sort of long term alimony with her financial situation. Regarding salvaging the marriage, I don't see it happening. We've tried counseling when we had issues, she picked the counselor, and the counselor COMPLETELY took my side with our issues, I was actually flabbergasted that she was so direct with her, and it just made my wife madder. I have once or twice threatened divorce (I'm totally against using that as threat, but things got to the point where I was just about out the door) and she DID change her behavior, but it's too little, too late. It's just who she is, I regret marrying her, I was pressured into it by her and was young and dumb, and if I could have that decision again I wouldn't have married her.
Recommended Posts