confused_88 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Ok so I'm sure most of you know my story by now...if not, it's just a few threads down, locked for some reason thanks mods Anyway...I'm starting to lose it trying to maintain this NC at work. We are in separate departments, and on separate floors. I haven't seen her yesterday, nor today. Friday was the last time I talked to her, when I told her to go work on her marriage, because it's obvious we cannot be just friends. We both said we'd miss each other. She told me that she told her therapist that she knew after her month off from work that she knew as soon as she saw me she'd fall in love with me all over again. Now it seems like we are consciously avoiding each other at work as to not bump into each other and bring all our feelings for each other back to the forefront It's as if the silence between us at work is deafening. There's just this awkwardly horrendous feeling in the air there, and I'm sure she feels it too. The thought crossed my mind a couple times today to email her. I have no idea what I'd say, or what I'd expect to hear in response. But I know that emailing her wouldn't change anything... I dunno, I guess I'm posting here instead of contacting her. Would certainly appreciate any input or any words of encouragement. Feeling lost today...and definitely a little sad.
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ A great 1st post by a guy named no foolin', explaining why NC is so important. Read it, breathe it, crap it! Do all that you can do avoid her at work, don't go looking for her, let alone email her! No good can come of it. None!! Anyway, read the above link ... Many responses on it, but it's long yet worth the read! Stay strong!
MorningCoffee Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Another resource to help you with NC. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/
geejayess Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Another resource to help you with NC. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ THAT is AWESOME!!! I wish I had read this when I was going through my divorce and before the last two years with my xMM! I hope this helps whoever reads it, it has sure helped me... Confused, if this doesn't help you then you don't want to be helped...
Circular Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Hey confused. Stick in there man, like I said in your other thread it's going to get to be a rough ride. The work thing just makes it 10x worse, which is why work romances are looked down upon even with single people, there's just no escape when things turn upside down. What's worse if it gets super crazy you could lose your job. You have to really understand what's happened in your head. Your brain has rewired itself for this woman and built deep neuro pathways to be deeply in-tune/connected with your 'mate'. Your trying to override that wiring right now and your mind is going to do whatever it can to re-establish that connection. You're going to come up with imaginary reasons, excuses, rationalizations and the whole gambit to make it OK to reach out to her. Things like "Just a simple email can't hurt"!?!? Oh, but it will, and it will just lead you to more. You need to fight it like an addiction because that's basically what your brain is trying to deal with. You are going to realize the true meaning of 'lying to yourself'. What I did to help was journaled a ton, read a bunch on NC, built a network of confidants and reminded myself every day why I was doing the right thing by everyone that was involved. You have to build your case and make your decision the right decision in your head and LIVE by that decision. I found that once the anger started wearing off I needed something to clutch onto, and I found it in the slow rebuild of my self integrity through righting what I know was wrong. I'm not saying I'm completely out of the woods, by far the worsr 'addiction' I've had to beat and I'm not an addictive personality. Just post here, read up on NC and realize that some future point in time you'll look back and think 'wow, damn glad I made it through that fire'. BTW, I believe your original thread was closed because someone trolled it and broke the User Terms which the mods are pretty strict on because of the sensitivity of the topics discussed.
East7 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Hey Confused, I'm sorry your thread was locked. I can understand the urge and the itchy fingers on your keyboard to write to her. What I can tell you is that she will probably reject you and you will inflict yourself another slap on your face. You will sound inconsistent and needy, after telling her to go and pursue her life with her H. What if she accuses you for harrassment? You are already heartbroken, why do you, plus, want to risk your job? You have no idea how a MW can change from a sweetheart to a hateful woman ! Never contact her first ! She will contact you (I'd bet my money) and the hardest thing is not to cave in and go for another round. The post-affair period is the most terrible and hard to handle. She is probably still addicted to you like to a drug and she will come back. The difference with a normal person is that she won't come back to have a relationship with you but merely to have her emotional fix and go back to her H.
Author confused_88 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 Never thought of it that way Circular, but that makes a ton of sense. During the connection we shared over the last several months, my brain re-wired itself. Now I have to break those connections. Seems like NC is the only way to do that. I guess I just have to suffer with the awkward feeling at work and pray that I don't bump into her very often, if at all. I know if I give in and email her I'll get a response...but like you said, that would be contrary to what I told her to do. I just have to stick by my decision. Weather out the storm. I know that with each day I get through, it'll be a little easier...and I look forward to that.
cavedweller Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 88, Keep the NC.. Your job could be at stake if you e-mail her. my 2 cents
Author confused_88 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 yeah you're right...definitely not worth it. It's getting a little bit (stress little bit) easier with each passing moment to remain NC. And I know that fight starts from scratch the minute I break it.
spice4life Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 It takes 21 days to break a habit, so the first three weeks are going to be tough, but you can make it through. The battle definitely starts over if you break NC. Set a goal for yourself to make it 21 days with NC and then reward yourself! Then set the next goal and keep doing so until you are no longer at risk. Good luck!
Author confused_88 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 So I saw her near the end of the day today outside. I was getting something out of my car. She was on the phone. She saw me, smiled and waved. I did the same and went on my way. I'm happy that I didn't linger or look back at her. Doesn't feel like NC was broken at all, and this is day 5. Going by the 21 day model above, 16 more to go. I got this
fooled once Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ A great 1st post by a guy named no foolin', explaining why NC is so important. Read it, breathe it, crap it! Do all that you can do avoid her at work, don't go looking for her, let alone email her! No good can come of it. None!! Anyway, read the above link ... Many responses on it, but it's long yet worth the read! Stay strong! :laugh::laugh: I admit I busted out laughing at the "crap it" part :laugh::laugh: Another resource to help you with NC. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Great thread! Thanks MC! OP, you can do this. Be professional. Be polite. Do not treat her any differently than a co-worker you don't know well. Please do not email her or try to get her to acknowledge you. Like someone said, it can easily hurt you and set you back. Be strong and go forward! Good luck!
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