koalabear Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I have been thinking of going NC with my ex, but im not sure how to do it. Ive recently read about the GIGS syndrome, and it sounds like what happened to me and my ex, she just wasnt happy, but for no clear reason she wanted to go on a break, and we never got back together but weve remained friends. Suddenly stopping all contact with no explanation e.g deleting numbers and email and facebook, seems a little childish to me. But thats what most people on here are saying to do! I thought that explaining that I cant speak to her could ease me into NC, but wouldnt that make me seem a sad and weak person, which is the opposite of how I need to be viewed? (most people say to not let your ex see you being sad? which would make her feel that the breakup was the right thing to do) Im so confused. I just want her to want me back
wilsonx Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I am going to be the one person on the forum to tell you screw what everyone else in the world thinks. **** them all. You have to be a selfish ******* right now to take control of your own life. It doesn't matter what your friends think, it doesnt matter what your ex thinks, it doesnt matter what this board thinks, it doesnt matter what your coworkers think. Who cares if they think you're weak. Just do it. This is about you. Block your ex on facebook, block her email accounts, delete her phone numbers, if she texts you, delete it instantly. I told my ex while she was living with me in my apartment that I was going to block her, guess what, I went into my room blocked her, kicked her out of my bed and made her sleep on the couch until she found another place to move to. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Its about you.
Goatsbreath Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 In my opinion and it's probably wrong because I mess stuff up all the time,....or this could be a good plan but just not really executable. You might not follow through but hear it is. Go slow, don't cut off everything immediate because I too feel like the other person will take this as you trying to prove something. Stop answering her text right away, wait a day to text back, just appear to be losing interest. Then maybe next week it takes you two days to answer. Maybe you skip answering hear and there. Just start to appear indifferent. Facebook, take a break, you don't need to be on it. If you have a bad facebook addiction go ahead and hide her if needed so you don't see her crap showing up in your news feed. I don't recommend posting much, sort of be distant with it. You need to become indifferent in my opinion, suddenly cutting her out don't make you indifferent.
wilsonx Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 seriously? come on? Wait a day to respond? When does that stop? Indifference takes months, sometimes a year or years. The issue with posts like these is you show care. Oh god lets take baby steps, I dont want them to see me going no contact. This is a breakup, this is about regaining control of your life. If you walk around wondering what everyone else thinks, you do not have control of your life. The only person's opinion that should matter is you. The relationship is over, the dumpee owes the dumper nothing. Absolutely nothing, there doesn't have to be any respect, there doesn't have to be any communication, there's nothing. That's what dumpee's feel after a breakup, nothing! I seriously want to tell you guys to grow some balls, regain your own dignity and self esteem and stop worrying about what other people think.
PegNosePete Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 +1 to wilsonx. Just do it. But I am a little concerned as to why you're doing NC. Are you doing it to "get her back"? Because it won't work. NC is not a cheap trick to get an ex back. It is for you to get over the pain, heal and move on. Use the right tool for the right job.
stretch Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 seriously? come on? Wait a day to respond? When does that stop? Indifference takes months, sometimes a year or years. The issue with posts like these is you show care. Oh god lets take baby steps, I dont want them to see me going no contact. This is a breakup, this is about regaining control of your life. If you walk around wondering what everyone else thinks, you do not have control of your life. The only person's opinion that should matter is you. The relationship is over, the dumpee owes the dumper nothing. Absolutely nothing, there doesn't have to be any respect, there doesn't have to be any communication, there's nothing. That's what dumpee's feel after a breakup, nothing! I seriously want to tell you guys to grow some balls, regain your own dignity and self esteem and stop worrying about what other people think. what wilsonx is saying here is absolutely true.. like a weak and pathetic fool I've maintained contact with my ex (the dumper) and all she's done is used it to gently ease herself off me. NC is tough, I've not managed it yet but it is the only solution to not continuing your pain for years to come!!! we all need to face facts here guys, NC is the only solution to ending your pain, you simply can't heal pain by using the cause of your pain... it's much like stabbing at a knife wound in order to heal it... makes no sense right?
ScienceGal Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 (edited) seriously? come on? Wait a day to respond? When does that stop? Indifference takes months, sometimes a year or years. The issue with posts like these is you show care. Oh god lets take baby steps, I dont want them to see me going no contact. This is a breakup, this is about regaining control of your life. If you walk around wondering what everyone else thinks, you do not have control of your life. The only person's opinion that should matter is you. The relationship is over, the dumpee owes the dumper nothing. Absolutely nothing, there doesn't have to be any respect, there doesn't have to be any communication, there's nothing. That's what dumpee's feel after a breakup, nothing! I seriously want to tell you guys to grow some balls, regain your own dignity and self esteem and stop worrying about what other people think. Wilson, you're like the toughest talker on here! You seem to have the conviction of my ex He once gave advice to a friend that was going through a split. He said "put all their sh*t in the hallway and lock the door!"... I thought that seemed harsh and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. So... when he did that EXACT thing to me, I knew he meant business. It hurt, and I was pissed since I didn't do anything wrong. But, he doesn't owe me anything. His choice is his choice, even if he's being a jerk. The message was received loud and clear and he hasn't spoken to me since. Koala, you need to decide what you want. If no contact is for you to move on, do it 100% and do it now. It's not about being nice or fair, it is about you. I might be hurt by my ex, but at least he isn't sending mixed signals. If you still have hopes of getting her back, then you can still try NC, but it's for game playing, not for healing. Good luck. There is no easy way unfortunately. Edited August 24, 2011 by ScienceGal
Goatsbreath Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 NC is good if you really are just doing it for yourself but the poster ends his whole rant by saying "I just want her to want me back"...... It don't matter I guess, if you start NC for the wrong reasons you might break it a few times but that's OK. Start NC and sometime down the line after 7 days, broke NC, 20 days, seen her, ....etc etc....eventually you will realize, you don't want her back and you will stop counting days.
Recommended Posts