DontWorryBHappy Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) My break up was originally in April. I say originally because a lot happened since then. I actually handled it fairly well at first. Wasn't calling him up and begging and pleading, refused to stay friends with him so that I could heal, convinced myself he was totally gone and really started TRYING to move on. Then... a month and a half later he asked me to try again. I was shocked, had no idea he was going to come back, and the floodgates opened for me. He had broken up with me in the first place because he said he didnt love me anymore, and "doesnt know how to love". When he came back asking to try things again, he said he "didnt love me but liked me a lot". This was after hearing "I love you" every day for seven months. So in hindsight I should have ran away from the situation, but I didn't and agreed to try it again anyway. Our first date during that getting back together period didnt go well. He was late to it, and then some girls picked a fight with me on the bus because I'm white and my ex is black, but my ex didnt say anything at all to them so I was fighting them off on my own. Then, that night he asked if maybe I could just be the person he confides in but not have it be a relationship. I said I wanted a relationship... and we kept trying for about a week until it came down to making a decision and he said it would be best for us to part ways again. The kicker was: he said he would come back to me after we both got over the past and after he fixed his issues, but also told me not to wait for him in case he never actually came back. I was devastated. Watching him leave again was worse than the original break up. I had trouble staying away even though I tried to accept his decision at first... but I really failed at accepting it. I tried to assert myself by texting him that I was glad to stay away because I knew he didnt love me. Then I ran into him on campus and got jealous when I saw him exchanging numbers with a girl, and I acted angry with him yet emotional at the same time. It all culminated into an incident that same day where I ran into him again and approached him, asking if he had just been using me. He tried to get away from me on to a bus, but I followed him on to the bus and asked if he was still trying to fix himself in order to get back with me. He said no, and said it seemed like I wasnt wanting to let him fix himself, and that he also wanted to be free to do what he wants on his own. I left soon after that, then we didn't speak for 3 weeks until I texted him a message apologizing for chasing, and telling him that I was just having trouble letting him go. And said maybe we'll have another chance in the future if all the stars align...... Tried calling him once after that text, but no answer or call back. After that I knew it was time to give up and let go... and that's what I've done. but I'm left with the regret for how I reacted, for getting angry, for showing so much emotion......... It's so hard to deal with it. I know I have to just forget about this, or at least let it take up minimal mental space. And I'm really working on that.... but this is an uphill battle.... know what I mean?? Edited August 23, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 You know what you have to do, it's harder than hell. In a lot of ways, I'm glad the girl I was with completely cut me out of her life - I haven't had to deal with her at all. (Granted there are other lousy aspects to this condition). *hug* for what it's worth.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 You know what sucks the most? When I hear some song or something that makes me think of him, and then I have an almost overwhelming urge to text him something like, "you idiot, dont you know that I absolutely love you?".... then I come back down to earth and realize that I basically already had said that weeks ago and he cut me out anyway.
olivec Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 You know what sucks the most? When I hear some song or something that makes me think of him, and then I have an almost overwhelming urge to text him something like, "you idiot, dont you know that I absolutely love you?".... then I come back down to earth and realize that I basically already had said that weeks ago and he cut me out anyway. I feel everything your going through trust me. I started out strong with my breakup but then got sucked in like you by my ex and was hoping to get back together. It didn't happen and thinking back now i wish i would of stuck with NC all the way through. Once I realized she was never coming back and all my begging and pleading was pointless, I was finally able to let go and move on. And like you I felt hurt, angry, depressed, and dissapointed. But since I've stayed with nc for the last few months i've gotten alot stronger and regained alot of my confidence. I've done that by just starting to get out more with my friends and focussing on myself by getting back in the gym. I haven't really dated and honestly don't know when I will but i'm definately gunna take my time. And i'm sure when the time is right you'll be able to get back out there again also.
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