Very, very, very

[horseaustin]

I will try to make this as short as possible. I'm 25 & my "special friend", I'll call him "Eric", is 24. We were in a very loving relationship for about 16 months. We also lived together. During that time Eric made me feel like the most important woman in the world. I really believed he would have done anything for me. We were also best friends. My friends all agreed that he was definitely the one.

 

Six weeks ago, Eric came home from work and said that he needed space & wanted to break up and move out. He literally put everything he could in a suite case & left to live in his friend's basement. During this time we had many arguments as each of us would take turns pulling away and not answering phone calls, I would sometimes call & cry and beg him to take me back, we would hang up on each other, just to apologize the next day. Basically, it was some pretty bad stuff as we have never argued like that before. During this time he also invited me to some events that his friends had. I knew he didn't want to actually lose me, but he didn't want to be with me either

 

Fast forward a month later. He decided to move back into our apartment and we are very civil and friendly with each other, but we are NOT back together...officially. He's been here for a little over a week now. He originally put a 2nd bed in our spare room to sleep on, but we have slept in the same bed (either his or mine) every night now. Sometimes this is my idea, sometimes his. Sometimes we cuddle, other nights he turns over @ the other edge of the bed and falls asleep. We have been intimate together a few times now since he moved back, but he is DEFINITELY not using me for sex, as he usually is the one that stops things before they get to that level.

 

We have our good & bad days as far as how emotionally available he is. Most days, he asks me to go out on lunch or dinner dates. We spend most of our time together & do things that we used to like grocery shopping, playing games together, playing w/our pets, watching tv, etc. He is even going with me tomorrow to my doctor's appointment. When we are out he sometimes grabs my hand, puts his arm around my waist, or touches the small of my back. There have been a few times that's he's "accidentally" called me "Babe" (our pet names for each other). He also frequently tells me how beautiful I look and how sexy I am.

 

He still asks my opinion about very important issues..but some days he acts very distant towards me or makes weird comments about how he "used to date me" or about how he's single, just joking stuff that usually makes me feel sad actually, but I brush it off. Sometimes I go to touch him in a loving way & his body language becomes very closed off..but other times, he seems happy about it. I know it doesn't matter, but on facebook we are still "In a relationship", but have it hidden. He also recently started trying to comment on my friend's statuses which I find strange since he's NOT friends with them except through me. He also still has pics of us up with captions like "<3" and "my girl", etc.

 

The other thing is that he has a very demanding job and he is gone most of the time...about 80 hours a week...including weekends so it's hard to tell sometimes if he's avoiding me or having issues at work. He's going to be transferring soon to another state or possibly country. He told me the news yesterday that he want me to go with him and he asked his agent to make those arrangements when setting up his housing, etc!! This confused me very much!! If he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, why would he want me to move across the globe with him?! Then he proceeds to joke around with me how he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore...but he still has a "special friend"..meaning me

 

Later that evening we were playing a game and I tried to put my legs on top of him and he kind of moved away. Then he started talking about plans for my birthday (next month) and I said he didn't have to plan on doing anything with me. He got really upset and said of course he does! "Why would I say that?!" and the rest of the night was being really distant towards me. I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up to him rubbing my back. Then we went to bed and he rolled over & just fell asleep as far away he he could from me. Today I didn't answer any of his texts and he kept trying to get a hold of me. When I answered he talked to me for a while then said he had to get back to work...in a way that made it seem like I was bothering him.

 

I really don't know what's going on and it's to the point where I just try to accept every encounter w/him as it is & appreciate the good times we have together. I'm 99.999% sure that he isn't seeing anyone else. I don't know how he would have the time. He goes straight to work (I've visited him there randomly) & comes straight home every day. I would really appreciate any insight or advice! Thank you

Edited August 23, 2011 by horseaustin

[Frank13]

This whole thing seems kind of weird, but I wouldn't be with someone, much less move across the globe with someone, who treats me like that.

 

To me, him saying he is single and that he doesn't have a girl friend is a huge red flag that he is using you until he finds someone better. He wants you to move with him because he won't know anyone there, but what happens when he finds someone better?

 

I think it is time to cut this guy loose. You deserve better than half assed attention.