Kageytn Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Im in a somewhat toxic relationship with a guy that can't commit. We have dated for four years in a weird push-pull cycle. I've broken up numerous times and he has inched forward on the commitment scale. We started therapy this year and it was going well! He wanted me in his life permamently! Then...boom. He broke up with me three times in four weeks. Break up, refuse to have sex but go out and talk! This last time, I said fine and we didn't speak for two days. Then I broke and we started talking again. We even discussed some of our problems. I instituted nc today and said he could call me when he was ready to discuss commitment. I feel this huge void but I can deal. Worse, I know he is going to contact me, hit my weak spots and manipulate me. He will promise the world but I don't know if he can do it. How do I stand tall? How do I resist? Should I talk to him when he contacts me? I wake up every morning feeling empty. I'm crying all day and I have panic attacks but I can't live like I was-hedging me, not meeting his parents, never being honest, blaming me for our relationship. Help.
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 This is a hard condition to be in. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet without anyone else in your life. So it's going to hurt, and it sucks. Welcome to the candy-coated hell that is loveshack. Post here as much as you need, and we'll do our best to help and support you. You are not alone. Time to become a better person for you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I know he is going to contact me, hit my weak spots and manipulate me. I think we ALL know this much. The best thing you can do for yourself is broaden your social horizons and meet a lot more people. The surest way to put this guy behind you is to find somebody new and more completely open and available to you.
danceallday Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Well said Nohbody, We are right there with you. If you want to read about being with a emotionally unavailable person and a toxic relationship read my thread "so you think your breakup was messed up". You will be able to learn from it. You deserve someone who can commit to you and not yank your chain. Initiate nc and stick with it. It sucks. I go from mad to crying to deep despair. Probably wasn't a good idea to see Crazy Stupid Love. Anyway, I am in week 6 of nc and I feel like crap still, but I am sticking to my guns. Good luck.
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