What's the deal with this girl? And how soon is too soon to hike with a stranger?

[bama_bbq]

I've been seeing a girl who lives about an hour away I met online for a little while now. She's 19 and I'm 23, and we've been on three dates. This past date I drove to her town and we went bowling in the afternoon (like 2:00). While there I asked her if she'd like to go afterward to this public garden I'd heard about. She said "sure." Then a minute later she said she had to meet her parents for dinner at 6:00; I said yeah, that's fine (I had a meeting later that evening anyway), so we went to the garden.

 

I was talking to my friend about this and he said this was a "really immature thing for her to say." What do you guys think about what she's doing?

 

At the bowling alley, we were talking about how to get to the garden (I don't know her town very well), and I said "Do you live nearby? Because then we could take one car down there?" When I asked if she lived nearby her eyes went wide and she seemed a little "frozen." But then she said, "well I have to meet my parents anyway so it wouldn't really help."

 

Maybe she's just not interested. I don't know if she was afraid that I was going to try to have sex with her because it's the third date or whatever (she seems fairly inexperienced with dating, etc. and I suspect she might be a virgin). I think it's also possible that she lives with her parents and doesn't want me to know (she's mentioned that she lives in a house near her campus but no details beyond that).

 

I don't know if she's afraid of letting a strange guy she's met online know where she lives. If it's that she's wary that I'm psycho or something, then it wouldn't be a good idea to ask her to go hiking. But if she's at least comfortable enough to do that, I'd really love to do that because hiking is a passion for both of us. Would you say the fourth date is too soon for a woman to go into the wilderness with someone new?

[bama_bbq]

Any ideas?

[Almond_Joy]

It sounds like maybe you were pushing plans for the next date when you weren't quite done with the date you guys were currently on...? It's kind of confusing because you said you were gonna go to the garden and then she said no because she was meeting her parents later...and then you guys went to the garden anyway?

 

It sounds like you're making plans for dates and she's either passive or balking at your suggestions. If she's not committing to any plans and claiming she's got other stuff to do, just tell her to let you know what she'd like to do on the next date and when she next wants to go out. If she doesn't respond or says I don't know she may not want to go on another date.....

[Tonkerponk]

From what you say from her reactions on dates, knowing where she lives, and you thinking shes inexperienced, take it more slowly.

 

Dont suggest hiking until youve gotten physically intimate first IMO.

[ChessPieceFace]

At the bowling alley, we were talking about how to get to the garden (I don't know her town very well), and I said "Do you live nearby? Because then we could take one car down there?" When I asked if she lived nearby her eyes went wide and she seemed a little "frozen." But then she said, "well I have to meet my parents anyway so it wouldn't really help."

 

Why would it be weird for a 19yo girl to live with her parents? Anyway, maybe she is hiding that from you, maybe she is hiding the fact that she's dating other people, or maybe she's paranoid and/or distrustful of you. I'm no expert, but my idea is to let her pick the next date or 2? And see what happens. And try to avoid saying anything else to weird her out ...

[LittleTiger]

She's just being sensible IMO. There's nothing strange about her reaction at all.

 

I'm 46 and I wouldn't let a guy know where I lived until I was very sure of him. The only difference is I would probably tell him that, whereas a young girl of 19 maybe doesn't have the confidence to assert herself in that way.

 

If you'd like to go hiking with her there is nothing wrong with saying so, but do make it clear that you're very happy to wait until she feels comfortable and safe enough in your company.

[bama_bbq]

It sounds like maybe you were pushing plans for the next date when you weren't quite done with the date you guys were currently on...? It's kind of confusing because you said you were gonna go to the garden and then she said no because she was meeting her parents later...and then you guys went to the garden anyway?

 

Sorry, I didn't explain very clearly. She said yes, let's go after we finish bowling (which was around 3:00). Then she would need to meet her parents at 6:00, to let me know we'd have to be done by then.

 

I should also explain that, on the first date, I thought she had absolutely no interest because there were lots of awkward pauses and she kind of avoided eye contact, so I hugged her at the end and had no plans to contact her afterward. A couple hours later she texted me "hey, sorry if I seemed kind of nervous ... I had a good time with you. Did you make it home okay?" So I interpreted the awkwardness as nervousness, at least at the time. She also asked me on the second date. But that kind of thing definitely makes her hard to read!