ScienceGal Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I know this sounds silly, but I am going to ask anyway. I haven't spoken to or seen him in about 10 weeks. But, I am going to a gathering with a group of people at a local restaurant where he is very likely to be tonight. It's a small place, and if he is there, it is very likely that we will bump into each other and make eye contact. I am the dumpee, he is an emotionally unavailable guy with an inflated ego who couldn't take being called out on anything so broke up with me... in an email... and ignored a message I sent asking for the rest of my belongings 5 weeks ago. I will not ever try to contact him again, but seeing him is inevitable. Do I smile? Do I look away quickly? What if he tries to talk to me...any good one liners to diffuse that situation? Thanks!
antinko Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Appear not to be bothered and try and focus on enjoying your evening. Also focus on the fact that there's a 5% chance (according to you) that you won't see him! You have been doing so well so remember the progress you have made and try to simply remain NC even in the restaurant. If you have to communicate with him, keep it short, polite and business like. Don't give him the satisfaction of letting him know you're concerned. You have my best wishes.
Ajax Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Tough situation ScienceGal. I think it's hard to know what to do unless you're the one in the situation. I was having similar concerns about seeing my ex at an upcoming wedding until I discovered that she was not invited. Before learning this I was seeking advice, and the common opinion was that I should acknowledge her if I had to, but not initiate contact. It may sting seeing him, and that's something I guess you can't really avoid. I think what you need to do is remain quietly dignified. If you make eye contact give a polite nod. No need to talk to him unless he comes up to you, and even then you don't have to say anything. Just try to keep your composer. Easier said than done I know, but I think you'll be fine
Author ScienceGal Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Thank you to both of you. The only awkward part is going to be the walking in and looking around for my group of people... as he will be with his group (that I used to be part of). But, I can do it. If any of them, including him, makes eye contact I will just give a little smile and keep walking/looking around. And I just went for a run and showered, so I am feeling good and am looking forward to seeing the people I am going to see. I can do this!
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 What would you do if he were a stranger? I mean, when I go to restaurants, save for my immediate friends, everyone is a stranger. Do I pay any attention to them? They me? It works
Author ScienceGal Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 What would you do if he were a stranger? I mean, when I go to restaurants, save for my immediate friends, everyone is a stranger. Do I pay any attention to them? They me? It works Good point! Alright, I'm heading out. yiiikes! I'll be sure to give an update later!
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Capture him with your gaze and give him the biggest ****-eating grin you can, as if to say 'I'm just fine without you, douchebag.' Do it with the intent of crushing him completely. Like Genghis Khan. Be the Khan. But seriously. He's not a stranger, so trying to treat him like one may be awkward for you. Act confident no matter what, and don't let him see you sweat - you'll be golden.
Author ScienceGal Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 Capture him with your gaze and give him the biggest ****-eating grin you can, as if to say 'I'm just fine without you, douchebag.' Do it with the intent of crushing him completely. Like Genghis Khan. Be the Khan. But seriously. He's not a stranger, so trying to treat him like one may be awkward for you. Act confident no matter what, and don't let him see you sweat - you'll be golden. False alarm, he wasn't there. But, a couple of his friends were and were actually in the group I was in (it was a dinner for a local community event we had participated in). One of the friends (female) wants to start working out with me. I know its ok to make a friendship with her and she is a great person that I would love to be friends with(I have few really close friends because I don't like "fake" friends), but it gave me a little uneasy feeling. It's almost as if being her friend would be a constant reminder of my ex. Is that strange? But also, I am thinking that I shouldn't just avoid being friends with people he knows, because that would be limiting myself way too much. So, maybe if I consider them a "best friend" to him, then they're off limits. "Social acquaintances", fair game. And, being involved in the community means I am going to cross paths with lots of people, so who cares if they know my ex. I need to stop letting myself be associated with him... that uneasy feeling has no bearing. If someone makes the initiative to be my friend, it means they see me as a good person SEPARATE from him. And that is a good thing. That was a little bit of a rant, but I felt like I backslid a little tonight. I drove by his place on the way home (on the main drag... wasn't going out of my way) and his car was there, with another car that I think was visiting him.. and I think I know who it belongs to, a woman he used to date. I could be wrong, but it hurt a little to think he is spending tonight with someone else. Hurts a lot actually. Phew. Going to get to bed early, work tomorrow, exercise more, and keep pushing forward. Sucks! But, I know I will get there.
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