MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Ex and I broke up. He immediately got into new relationship. Said he regretted it but now can't "undo" it b/c they play volleyball on leagues together 7 days a week and he doesn't want to stop playing. I basically became the other woman for a while. Then I finally decided WTF am i doing...if he wanted to be with me he wouldn't care about missing a few games. Now I am wondering if I should tell his gf. Worst that can happen: he will never talk to me again and they will get even closer and maybe he will have to do something to "prove" to her that he really does "love" her... Best that can happen: if she respects herself she would leave him and he can take time to reflect on how selfish he was being. Thoughts? Yes I am angry. Yes I feel spiteful for the way he took advantage of how much I love him. I know no one can make you do anything....but this guy knows exactly what to say so that I can fall back into the "Okay I need to be strong and just wait for him". I might as well destroy it myself right...so I wont be waiting for him to call me or text me cause he'll be furious. And why do I want to be with a man who can't miss volleyball to be with the "love of his life"....I'm nothing to him obviously. I don't know any other man who would do that.
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Just tell her to make sure she's been vaccinated for HPV. Seriously, though. You CAN do this if you want, but would you be happy with the long-term consequences? By which I mean, when the emotions cool - will you look back on it and saying 'I'm glad I did that!'? Short term gain vs. long term gain.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I'm not sure that's what I'm still wondering about....so what are some of the long term consequences? Thoughts on why I may regret this one day? Let me add that his gf is a 24 yr old snotty girl who thinks I'm just obsessed with my ex and make things up to break them up..so I'm not going to lie..busting her "love" bubble would make me happy. It's probably immature of me to be angry but I am.
cowboysmavs Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. You should never mess around with anyone who is in a relationship. I've done it before with a married woman we both got BURNED. Me more so because when she decided to stay with him after all this I want to be with you nonsense. I was stuck alone while she had a family to go to. He HAS a gf so I would suggest you move on and find somebody else. And don't tell her because its none of your business. Thats just being spiteful. She'll find out soon enough when he cheats with someone else.
KathyM Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Ex and I broke up. He immediately got into new relationship. Said he regretted it but now can't "undo" it b/c they play volleyball on leagues together 7 days a week and he doesn't want to stop playing. I basically became the other woman for a while. Then I finally decided WTF am i doing...if he wanted to be with me he wouldn't care about missing a few games. Now I am wondering if I should tell his gf. Worst that can happen: he will never talk to me again and they will get even closer and maybe he will have to do something to "prove" to her that he really does "love" her... Best that can happen: if she respects herself she would leave him and he can take time to reflect on how selfish he was being. Thoughts? Yes I am angry. Yes I feel spiteful for the way he took advantage of how much I love him. I know no one can make you do anything....but this guy knows exactly what to say so that I can fall back into the "Okay I need to be strong and just wait for him". I might as well destroy it myself right...so I wont be waiting for him to call me or text me cause he'll be furious. And why do I want to be with a man who can't miss volleyball to be with the "love of his life"....I'm nothing to him obviously. I don't know any other man who would do that. You say if the gf respects herself, she would leave him. I take it you have no respect for yourself, since you hope to end up with the guy.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 I'm trying to think of the pros/cons of telling her... and he's not going to end up with me if I do this Kathy so save your rude comments.
ASG Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 She'll most likely NOT believe you and think you're just making up **** to break them up. You'd be the villain and gain nothing!
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 ASG- Yeah that's what I'm thinking...although I was also thinking that if I tell her there is no way he can deny it i mean the evidence is there. She wont be able to NOT believe me. But she will probably stay with him anyway. They always do. Always
ConfusedT Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 i NEVER believed a thing his X was telling me. She would cry, beg, plead, tell me she messed with him, that he was spending time with her, coming to see her while I was at work. I thought she was PSYCHO and CRAZY! Guess what, she was telling me the truth =(. He ended up leaving me to get back with her after I found everything out... nice guy, huh? =)
KathyM Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I'm trying to think of the pros/cons of telling her... and he's not going to end up with me if I do this Kathy so save your rude comments. From what you said in your post, you are wanting to end up with him. That's the message I am getting from your post. If that's not the case, and you intend to stay away, they why would you care if he's upset with you for telling the gf?
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 i NEVER believed a thing his X was telling me. She would cry, beg, plead, tell me she messed with him, that he was spending time with her, coming to see her while I was at work. I thought she was PSYCHO and CRAZY! Guess what, she was telling me the truth =(. He ended up leaving me to get back with her after I found everything out... nice guy, huh? =) Ahhh...don't tell me that! That makes me want to tell her. lol. No it doesn't. Cause you just showed me that the girl doesn't leave anyway. So no point in me telling her.
ConfusedT Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 she wont leave... he will manipulate the situation to make you seem crazy and that you are saying that because the only thing you want to do is "break them up". he will do everything to try to prove it to her that you are the crazy one. in my case, she stopped acting crazy eventually, but he was still messing with her. she just had no reason to tell me anymore bc she knew that she could still mess with him behind my back and i'd stay right by my "man" because he would NEVER lie to me... little did i know. but you know & i promise this, whatever happens in the dark will ALWAYS come to light. You dont need to ruin something, it's already broken because of what he did. Let time & karma take its course... it will!
KathyM Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Ahhh...don't tell me that! That makes me want to tell her. lol. No it doesn't. Cause you just showed me that the girl doesn't leave anyway. So no point in me telling her. Like you said, if she has any respect for herself, she'll leave him. So go ahead and tell her. You'd be doing her a favor. And while you're at it, do yourself a favor and not take him back.
shayla Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I would not tell her a da*n thing. Let her get hurt like you did. Let her have her turn of being taken advantage of...she probably would not believe you anyway, and your ex will throw you under the bus, and it will be them against you. No, I would NOT go tell it on the mountain.
shortee143 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Ah - I can relate, not the same exact thing...but well long story short, my ex is in my life (mutual friends), and so is his new gf (ouch)...and I want to tell her SO bad all the things he has done to me since we broke up, (including having sex with me while he was seeing her). I want this girl to know how awful he was to me, and that he isnt gods gift to woman..but then I think, should I? Probably not. It is so tempting to rain on his parade, but would it really give me satisfaction, or just make me look bad. I think she'd probably stay with him anyway...people dont like to believe the bad!
danceallday Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 TELL HER! I found out my ex was in a parallel relationship with a girl and she found out he lied about me and she dumped his ass and emailed me because she figured I had been lied to also. I thanked her several times for her candor because if she hadn't emailed me the stupidity would have continued!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
singsparkles Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 (edited) I wouldnt even bother. I did this EXACT thing. My ex was still seeing me behind his new gfs back, and when I wrote her a LONG HEARTFELT letter telling her about EVERYTHING and how I didnt want her to go through that and to realize now what he is instead of later, because thats what happened to me, she did not reply,and now they are more closer than ever. Because he's a manipulator and he told her I was crazy. But I agree with everyone else, what is in the dark will always come to light. Karma will work its course, and eventually these women will find out. Relationships like this never last 99.99999% of the time. Women may stay with a guy like this and try to change him, but eventually they will end up leaving because of something he does or because they are lacking being fulfilled in the relationship. Guys like this will never treat a woman right. If he can't treat you right, what makes you think he's going to treat her right? Trust me...she doesn't have it any better. Look what he's doing to her! I wouldnt even bother going out of my way to send the girl a letter. Don't give them that satisfaction that you care that much. Keep your head held high and walk away, knowing you're the bigger and better person. Let her figure out and get hurt on her own. She wont believe you anyway. She has to learn the hard way. Edited August 24, 2011 by singsparkles
ConfusedT Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 I wouldnt even bother. I did this EXACT thing. My ex was still seeing me behind his new gfs back, and when I wrote her a LONG HEARTFELT letter telling her about EVERYTHING and how I didnt want her to go through that and to realize now what he is instead of later, because thats what happened to me, she did not reply,and now they are more closer than ever. Because he's a manipulator and he told her I was crazy. But I agree with everyone else, what is in the dark will always come to light. Karma will work its course, and eventually these women will find out. Relationships like this never last 99.99999% of the time. Women may stay with a guy like this and try to change him, but eventually they will end up leaving because of something he does or because they are lacking being fulfilled in the relationship. Guys like this will never treat a woman right. If he can't treat you right, what makes you think he's going to treat her right? Trust me...she doesn't have it any better. Look what he's doing to her! I wouldnt even bother going out of my way to send the girl a letter. Don't give them that satisfaction that you care that much. Keep your head held high and walk away, knowing you're the bigger and better person. Let her figure out and get hurt on her own. She wont believe you anyway. She has to learn the hard way. exactly sings! dont even bother wasting an ounce of effort or breath. it'll make no difference and honestly, it's kinda bad karma on you for doing it for the wrong reasons. you are being spiteful, NOT THAT I AM NOT SPITEFUL, bc i am or i want to be, but just dont. but my x cheated on his current girlfriend with me two different times and me and her have gotten into it since then, verbally, and I didn't tell her or even waste my time, for what? she knows the deal and knows how he is, hell she dealt with it for years before me.. NEVER BORROW ANOTHER WOMANS MAN. IF HE DID IT WITH YOU, HE'LL DO IT TO YOU!!! i firmly believe in that. i would have NEVER DATED him if i knew he was still dating her, but he lied and made he seem crazy, which she is, but he was actually still messing with her and just up and left her for me one day, out of the blue for me. then he did the SAME EXACT THING TO ME and he left me out of the blue for her... ONLY difference is that I had NO IDEA about her, because I would NEVER intentionally deal with a man who is with another woman. She knew about me the entire time and did anything and everything in her power to get him back and whatever she did, worked. I'm going to save my pride and my dignity and fight for myself instead of fighting for someone else. ill fight for my own love, my own worth, my self-esteem back, however i do it, but i will NEVER fight for a man again... no thanks! im worth it, but he definitely isnt! stay strong!!!!!
KathyM Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 TELL HER! I found out my ex was in a parallel relationship with a girl and she found out he lied about me and she dumped his ass and emailed me because she figured I had been lied to also. I thanked her several times for her candor because if she hadn't emailed me the stupidity would have continued!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Exactly. Most people want to know what they are dealing with, and most people won't tolerate being cheated on.
danceallday Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 I found out my ex had a whole other girlfriend for almost a year. She sent me an email and I thanked her for it.
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