Virgil Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 My ex broke up with me about two months ago now. I still miss her a ton and I obviously want her back. But... she friend zoned me. After the break up, she said I was too good to be cut out of her life. But at the same time, she didn't want to date me. That sucks. Anyway, we're now friends. I feel like she's phasing me out of her life. She just went away to school and won't respond to my texts until she goes to bed, thus delaying any good conversation we could have (however, we did call on the phone and text often before she went away). It feels like she's phasing me out. She never initiates the conversations anymore. And I know the signs of phasing out because this is what she did to her other ex when I was still together with her. For the record- she hasn't met anyone new. That much I know. My question, then- how do I get out of the friend zone and back to dating? I know it's hard, and many people will say it's impossible. It's not impossible. Improbable, yes. Impossible, no. How can a move be made to get out of the friend zone and win her back? Any advice?
smudge21 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 The more you make contact, the more likely she is to phase you out. You're being there for her and allowing her time to accept it and move on. If you want to change that, then you have to be distant with her. I know that's hard, but if she's not replying or always expecting you to make the first move, then stop. Respond only when she does. The way she's going about all this seems a little unfair, but if that's the way she wants it, turn the tables. Don't let her control the situation and dictate how things are going to be. Maybe by going silent she will realise how much she misses you... but don't count on that, as there really is no way of knowing how a woman will decide - hell, if I knew that, I wouldn't be here would I. My ex, when we went back to friends, did the same and I did do all the work until a point when I decided to stop. The contact did change with her making more effort, but sadly we never did get back together. Some times when things end, they end for good.
Author Virgil Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 The more you make contact, the more likely she is to phase you out. You're being there for her and allowing her time to accept it and move on. If you want to change that, then you have to be distant with her. I know that's hard, but if she's not replying or always expecting you to make the first move, then stop. Respond only when she does. You're probably right, but that seems so counter-intuitive. Because what you're basically saying is that to get her closer, I have to go further. Love can be so complicated. The way she's going about all this seems a little unfair, but if that's the way she wants it, turn the tables. Don't let her control the situation and dictate how things are going to be. Maybe by going silent she will realise how much she misses you... but don't count on that, as there really is no way of knowing how a woman will decide - hell, if I knew that, I wouldn't be here would I. Yeah good point. Give her distance so she'll miss me. I know my ex better than you ever will, but we're both lost on how she'll respond. Women- can't live with them, can't live without them. My ex, when we went back to friends, did the same and I did do all the work until a point when I decided to stop. The contact did change with her making more effort, but sadly we never did get back together. Some times when things end, they end for good. So true.
smudge21 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 It's an old saying, but it can be so true: if you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it was meant to be. You need to do something otherwise you clearly know where this is headed. I say take charge and start being less available. Make her think you're friend-zoning her or at least losing interest. Everyone has an ego and they hate to feel it get bruised.
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 It feels like she's phasing me out. She never initiates the conversations anymore. And I know the signs of phasing out because this is what she did to her other ex when I was still together with her. For the record- she hasn't met anyone new. That much I know. Hmmm.... How can a move be made to get out of the friend zone and win her back? Any advice? Date other women, conspicuously. Your ex is now a friend. Tell her about your dating adventures. Personally, I'd go NC, heal and fuggetabout her, but you're not going to do that. So, have some fun and expand your horizons. You're only young once
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