Did I make a mess?

[killyman]

Hi there, I should start with the whole "apologies for the long story".

 

I'll keep it as short as possible so here goes...I met a girl last year and we began texting/calling each other very regulary, many hours on the phone along with constant back and forth texting but initally just as friends as she wasn't long out of a long term relationship coupled with the fact we lived about 150miles apart. However over time we became more fond of each other and began "dating". We were both in college at the time but still managed to see each other every few weeks.

 

Coming towards the end of the college year she had said that it was her intention to go travelling sometime in 2012. I had no desire to do this so I suggested that before we got really caught up in feelings that we should call a halt because I didn't want to be a reason she didn't get to travel. We said we would continue to be friends and text like we always had done and try meet up occassionally.

 

Eventually we agreed and thought it would be for the best as also we had both just got jobs where I worked monday-friday but she worked night shifts thursday-tuesday leaving little, if any, time to see each other. It started off fine for the first few weeks but then as she wasnt allowed use her phone in work we couldn't stay in as much contact. There was still some contact but not as much as I'd hoped. Here's where the problem started....

 

I had nobody to keep me company or fill the void of her conversations so I began to question if she actually didn't want to talk to me. When I asked she assured me it was all to do with work and she would try more.

 

Eventually we got a date where we were both off and decided to go to a game. Unfortunately that day I wasn't in the best of form and after my team lost I left for home nearly straight after. Realising my error later that night I text to say sorry for being a dick basically. I then sent her an email explaining how I had been over-reacting and I was out of line over the past few weeks, but unfortunately she didn't get it. I didn't hear from her for a few days after but when I did she assured me everything was ok. Not long after that I was out one night and send her a message while drunk wondering what I had done to turn our relationship so sour and that I loved her. (That actually wasn't true. I guess I said it to try get some sort of reaction. She still doesn't know that I was lying. She doesn't love me in case anybody is wondering.)

 

After that she didnt respond for a while but eventually she sent me a message saying she didn't like that I was messing with her head and causing drama. I apologised again, sent flowers, sent presents.

 

After another few days of no response I eventually got to talk to her and explain everything, how I knew I had been a dick and asked her to read the email I had sent her a few days previous. After she read it she messaged me saying she understood everything I said in it and she hoped we could get back to normal but it would probably be when her job was less time consuming. I tried for a while but again she wasn't too responsive. One day she mailed me saying that she wasn't keeping in touch with me too much because she thought she would be leading me on. I said all I wanted was to just be back on friend terms, no couple stuff just friends, hang out etc.

 

Basically what I want help with is should I tell her that I was drunk that night and when I said that I loved her it wasn't exactly true? I'm sure I love her on some level but not IN love with her.

Maybe then she can stop worrying about leading me on and just get back to the way we were?

 

Or should I just wait it out because in a few weeks she is going to be working only weekends and have more free time and could return to where we were. (She has always maintained that she wants to get back to that.)

 

Or have I done irreversible damage and ruined our chance of friendship nevermind relationship?

 

Any advice would help my mind a bit. Thanks for reading.

Edited August 23, 2011 by killyman
Grammar mistake

[sweetypielovely]

Do not tell her you lied about loving her.

 

I would simply let her know your still there is she wants to continue.

You cant force her to wanna be with you and things have changed for whatever reason. Maybe she is just busy.

 

Being is a longer distance relationship takes work. It doesnt help when your always guessing at things. Id ask her out again and try to smooth the situation over. If shes to busy right now...leave her alone for a bit.

 

My advise as ive been there...what a text or two in a 24 hour day or one phone call? Am i not worth it?

[killyman]

My advise as ive been there...what a text or two in a 24 hour day or one phone call? Am i not worth it?

 

That's the exact point I was trying to make to myself to justify the way I carried on. I'm not saying I was neccessarily in the wrong but it probably was a little uncalled for.

 

I'd love to think it was that she was just busy and that in time it'll all turn around. There were so many things in this girl that I liked, made me go wow she's perfect for me. I just don't want to come across as desperate (maybe I have done already) but she has said on a few occasions that she hopes we can get back to being phone buddies at least. She even said that the next time she's near my hometown we should have a day out and have a laugh together like we used to before. And knowing what kinda girl she is I honestly don't believe she's lying about that just to keep me happy.

 

Maybe I'm being a bit naive though...

[killyman]

Just tell her that you are drunk that night.She may not forgive you,but at least,you have been honest..

 

I understand your point but would any chance of a reconciliation be ruined if I told her I was lying? It's a pretty bad thing to lie about. Although if she felt the same I probably wouldn't be on here looking for help.

 

It's getting me down and I cant sleep well sometimes because I'm just thinking about her/us.