HeartBreak11 Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Would you agree if contact was to be made, it should be made by the Dumper? I have friends who believe that it doesn't matter who contacts who if the feelings are still there for both parties. As the Dumpee, I know I could see her again but I can't predict the outcome, this is why I won't reach out, I would rather continue to heal rather than take that chance. I am far along in my healing but I still have set backs even as I approach NC of almost 6 months Any differing opinions?
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 NC isn't a game. If you are using it to get over the person you were with, then you won't care if the other person breaks it when you pass the event horizon.
ScienceGal Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Depends on the situation. I will never contact my ex (dumper) because I do not believe he is capable of treating me well. My feelings for him are still wrapped up in the comfort of the relationship. So, I'm not making a peep! The goal is to move on and find a better connection with someone else. Do you really miss her, or just the relationship/companionship. Why didn't it work, and how did it end? Is it that you can't predict the outcome of reaching out, or do you deep down know it wouldn't work out again? Be honest with yourself.
Author HeartBreak11 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 Depends on the situation. I will never contact my ex (dumper) because I do not believe he is capable of treating me well. My feelings for him are still wrapped up in the comfort of the relationship. So, I'm not making a peep! The goal is to move on and find a better connection with someone else. Do you really miss her, or just the relationship/companionship. Why didn't it work, and how did it end? Is it that you can't predict the outcome of reaching out, or do you deep down know it wouldn't work out again? Be honest with yourself. I do miss her, I am at 6 months NC and I can honestly say, I do miss her, we were together 2+ years. Why it ended? We weren't engaged yet, I thought I was in the greatest position, she didn't put any pressure on me , I was wrong, she was hurting. We weren't talking about our future. She did end it abruptly, I thought there had to be another guy involved, It just didn't make sense, we both agreed that we weren't happy the last three months of our relationship but I didn't want to throw away the time we spent together. Either she fell out of love, she believed I didn't love her or she started something with another guy (If that was the case, It must have not worked out). Can I predict the outcome? I cannot, I assume I could meet with her, what would happen? Your guess is as good as mine. I believe it could work out if she was still in love. I don't want to take the chance of setting myself back. Science, I hope that answered your questions
jeff2321 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 (edited) For me NC was used to 'shield' myself from information and pictures that would have caused me more mental anguish during the shock phase. Eventually I got to the point of not caring at all what she was doing. I recently found out my ex is now married and it did sting for a bit, but now I'm over it -- I'm glad I found out, it was just what I needed to help me move on. Another reason I put in NC is that I knew our relationship was over and that there was no point in conversing with her friends/relatives any longer because at some point we both had to move on. My ex and I didn't have any kids, so there was no point in staying in contact... it really is better to just let it go. Trying to be friends with an ex is like digging up an old tax return ... some things are better left in the past. [ Sadly with the internet, it is much harder to move on because everything is recorded and stored ]. i am at 12 months NC and have been through a lot of healing and finally feel I'm over the worst of it. I still have a lot of personal growth to do, but life really does get better after a specific amount of time passes. The good thing is there are a lot of people on this planet and you can start over again at some point when you're ready to open yourself up to someone new -- I look forward to that day. Jeff2321 Would you agree if contact was to be made, it should be made by the Dumper? I have friends who believe that it doesn't matter who contacts who if the feelings are still there for both parties. As the Dumpee, I know I could see her again but I can't predict the outcome, this is why I won't reach out, I would rather continue to heal rather than take that chance. I am far along in my healing but I still have set backs even as I approach NC of almost 6 months Any differing opinions? Edited August 24, 2011 by jeff2321
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